So, a few weeks ago I decided to subscribe to the Amazon DVD rental program thingy. I guess I thought it would be a good idea to hire a new workout DVD every week, and that way I’d never get bored, and I’d be all skinny and toned and stuff.
I guess I also thought my whole personality would change sometime in between joining this programme and receiving the first DVD because once they started to flood in it became clear to me that I am the laziest person that ever did live, and that I may as well just take my £4.99 and throw it into the wind.
It’s just not happening for me. The presence of these fitness DVDs in their spiffy little orange jackets doesn’t suddenly make me want to leap out of bed in the morning and into my running shoes, and nor do they create an extra hour in the day, in which exercising for the sake of it becomes viable, and, indeed attractive.
In fact, they just sit there, all neglected, until it’s time for them to go home, and I sit there all lardass and cellulite-laden, and feel vaguely guilty that I didn’t make them more welcome while they were guests in my home. The funny thing about this, though? Since I got joined the program, I’ve lost weight. For real.
This is strange because for the past two years I have tried everything within my feeble power to lose the work-from-home induced weight I’ve been carrying around with me. Nothing has worked. I’ve tried rollerblading. I’ve tried kickboxing. I’ve tried running, walking, cycling. I’ve tried beating the crap out of the inflatable punch bag that lives in the spare room. Nothing. Has. Worked. This week, though? This week I decided that I had two choices:
1. Bust my ass working out every day and be <insert weight that is more than I’d like it to be>
2. Sit on said ass, doing sweet FA in the way of exercise every day, and STILL be <insert weight that is more than I’d like it to be>
Needless to say, I chose option 2. And I have lost weight. Now, before y’all say anything, no, it’s not just loss of muscle tone caused by stopping exercising. Because I kinda stopped exercising a while ago, and nothing happened. I figure I either grew a tape worm or all the salads I’ve been eating finally paid off. (But I think it’s the tapeworm.)
Either that, or the Amazon DVD thing makes you lose weight just by joining. I swear they did not pay me to say that. (Although, Amazon? If you want to pay me, you have my bank details…)