Nil By Mouth

See this bottle of water?*

163565628_f56b39ba5d This bottle of water that, OK, you can’t really see anyway, but trust me – it’s there, and by God, it’s a big un?

Today, Internet, I invite you to join me as I challenge myself to drink this bottle of water. This will be difficult because, God, I hate water. So boring. It’s like drinking nothing. The other problem with it is that, for reasons unknown, I very rarely feel thirsty. Presumably I’m somehow managing to wring the bare minimum of essential hydration out of the many cups of coffee I drink in the course of the day. Either that or I’m some kind of freaky bionic woman whose only superpower is the ability to ony drink things that are Bad. It must be one of the two, anyway, because – with the exception of very hot days, or times when I’ve been doing exercise (HA!) – I hardly ever find myself thinking, “You know what? I could really fancy a great big old bottle of water right about now!”

I need to drink it though. All of it. The reason for this? I woke up this morning with spots. Spots. I actually look JUST LIKE the picture in the banner, except uglier, and with real spots, not just hundreds of little dots on my face. This has troubled me because I hardly ever get spots. It’s one of the few things about my appearance I’ve never had to really loathe myself for. Anyway, this morning I have spots and I figure it’s because of my diet, and the fact that I only ever take in liquids if they’re liberally laced with a) caffeine or b) alcohol.

On the few occasions in the past when I’ve allowed water near me (I realise I’m making myself sound like a rabid dog here, but stay with me, people), my skin has always gone all dewy and fresh. I would like that fresh dewyness again, hence the Big Bottle O’Water you can see above. So, here we go: 10.48am, water drunk, nil. Must do better. I will prevail. I will beat this crazy bottle o’ water. I will probably also spend the rest of today sitting on the loo, but hey ho. Dewy skin, here I come!

* It is a mark of how much I dislike drinking water that I actually took this photo about six weeks ago, intending to drink the water then. Does water go off, do you think?

5 Comments

  • jen says:

    That's a lot o'water! I find myself going through quite long stretches where I simply have to drink water.And then for the rest of the time, I tend to forget that body actually requires it to survive.And that it would be useful to imbibe some once in a while.

    I used to drink nothing but water until I moved to uni.Then I discovered Coke (the drink, I mean).And developed rather too much of a fondness for it.

    Oh well…. I wish you success in your noble endeavour ;)

    Jen x

  • jen says:

    Me again.Sorry.

    Yep, water does go off, it will go stagnant if you leave it too long.

  • Leigh says:

    Highland Spring! We drink that! I used to hate drinking water, too. It's just so .. bland. Especially when everything else I drank was fizzy and full of caffiene :P

    I've found it's usually easier if the water's ice cold rather than room temperature, though!

  • Stephen says:

    I love Coke, and drink loads, but it's freaky, y'know? I mean (and excuse the graphic image here), when you pee after drinking loads of Coke, it's virtually clear. Which is the way it's supposed to be. Only – where does all the black go? Does is line your intestines? Is it a little colony of black 'Cokies' building a city in your stomach? This really freaks me out.

    Thankfully, I also love water, and drink around 2l a day. I like to think of water as the cleanser that flushes out those evil Cokies, flooding their growing city and destroying Cokie civilisation as we know it. No way those Cokies are getting to take over my tummy….

  • jen says:

    Stepehn-fantastic image there! I am picturing lots of little coke cans with legs and arms in my stomach now.Excellent.
    But, yes you have a point, where *does* the colouring go? Hmmmm.

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