You know, I swear my spammers (who I affectionately like to imagine all feverishly working away in one room, doing their damndest to bring me ever more exciting offers, every day of my life), are getting more creative lately. Bless! Witness the following, received this morning:

To: Me!
From: Leslie James

Subject: Please recommend some top quality sites that sell beautiful lingerie

Dear Sir/Madam
Hello, my name is Leslie James. I am looking for top quality websites where I can buy beautiful lingerie, shoes, perfume and jewelery. Please recommend some top quality websites that sell beautiful lingerie, shoes, perfume and jewelery. Thank you very much.
Yours Sincerely
Leslie James
I am sorry to trouble you, but please recommend a good lingerie website to me if you can. Thank you.

Do you think she’d be interested in hearing about some top quality websites that sell beautiful lingerie, mebbe? Or that she could have mentioned that particular phrase any more times in the space of such a short email?

Then, hot on the heels of the lovely Leslie, guess what I was offered? Only the chance of a lifetime, people!
To: Me again! Lucky, lucky me!
From: Elnora
Subject: the chance of a lifetime!

Hello my dear friend

I was looking through the web few weeks ago and found your profile. Now I decided to email you to get to know you better. I am coming to your country ibn few weeks abnd thought may be we can meet each other. I am pretty a looking girl. I am 25. Do not reply to this address directly. Email me back at

Gosh, lucky me, eh? What an opportunity. To think that I, Amber, have been given the chance of a lifetime, to meet with my dear friend Elnora. She is pretty! A looking girl! And I don’t know what, exactly, the point of these emails are, but I have a funny feeling that whatever it is, it will involve relieving me of my hard earned cash, somehow. Shame.

I honestly don’t know what I did to deserve the quality of spam I recieve. But I’m starting to think I’d miss it if it stopped.
  1. re: spam #1. I don't know Amber, I'm confused, what was it she wanted again? 😉

    re: spam #2. I honestly don't know how you can pass that opportunity up, I mean, how jealous am I? I never got asked if I wanted to meet the pretty Elnora *pouts* 😀

    Count yourself lucky, you don't get millions of 'enlarge your penis' spam mails like I do. I mean, why? Last time I looked I didn't *have* a penis to enlarge. Sigh.

    Jen x

  2. I agree with the first responder. I don't quite know what spammer #1 was doing. Some kind of phishing? Getting you to respond so they know a real human is there?

    For #2, maybe you can negotiate a good price for her and have her fix your closet door.

  3. Oh no, Jen, I get the penis enlargement ones too – I don't think there's a type of spam I *don't* get. These are my favourites, though!

    Erik – I think the first one must be just trying to establish that I'm a real person (!). Either that or SHE is a real person who really just thought I could help in her search for lingerie, and I've just publicly humiliated her instead. Oops. With the second one, I typed the URL from the email address given into Google and – surprise! It's a site selling Viagra…

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