A (12 Mile) Walk in the Woods

So, today was the day Terry and I had set aside to try to walk 12 miles in one day.

“Hey! I know! Let’s try and walk 12 miles in one day!” said Terry.

“You know? That sounds kinda crap,” said I. “It’s like – it’ll be rubbish? And also: we won’t even enjoy it.”

“Well, we’re not supposed to enjoy it,” said Terry, proving in one fell swoop that our marriage? Is doomed. “We’ll do it just so we can say we did it!”

“GOD! said I.

“Walk?” said Rubin? “WALK?!”

There was one big problem, though, with Terry’s plan. I mean, other than the fact that he wanted to walk 12 miles in one day, obviously. The problem? Well, there’s nothing I hate more than being badly dressed. This is unfortunate, because I? Am almost always badly dressed. I am never more badly dressed, though, than when I go walking in the countryside, and the reason for this is – stiletto heels. See, I love ‘em. I am almost never without a good pair of 4 inch heels. For the most part, this predilection for 4 inch heels has served me well in life. When I go walking in the woods, though? Not so much, really. In fact, when I go walking in the woods, even I am forced to concede that stiletto heels are not really the best choice of footwear. (Don’t think I haven’t tried though, because I totally have. I’m no quitter, me). So I wear trainers. GOD. I know! I hate trainers, even more so because all of my jeans are cut for someone four inches taller than I am, so when I wear my jeans, I’m forced to roll ‘em up, like some crazy bag lady. I totally hate this, but hey! We were going for a walk in the woods, and desperate times called for desperate measures.

“I know!” I thought last night, as we having dinner with my parents. “I will get my old riding boots out of my dad’s garage and wear them with my skinny jeans! I will be both stylish and dry! And also: when people see me, they will assume I am some horsey girl, on her way to ride some horse, in the country!” This last thought quite appealed as I was one of those kids who, up until the age of sixteen thirteen, had a bedroom papered with pictures of ponies, and rosettes. (OK, I had two rosettes, but I won them fair and square, OK?)

“Dad, when you get a minute, could you get my riding boots out of the garage?” I said.

“Well, it’ll take me about seventeen hours to find them,” grumbled my dad, who has not only carpeted his garage, but has also used it store everything he has ever owned IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE, plus everything my mum and I have ever tried to throw out. Channel 4 will probably try to make a documentary about him soon. Despite this, he was back in under 5  minutes (he runs a tight ship, my dad) with the most filthy, disgusting pair of riding boots I have ever seen in my life, replete with ten-year-old horse dung and mud. So dad? If you’re reading this? I totally see now why you always told me to clean my riding boots before I put them away. I see that now. You win.

Anyway, this morning we got up early, I donned the skinny jeans and the skanky riding boots, and off we went.

Woods

This was the first stage of our walk. Isn’t it pretty? Say it is pretty. This part of the woods always makes me think of Lord of the Rings, except there are no hobbits, no elves, no orcs, no wizards, and, actually? It’s not really like Lord of the Rings at all, is it?

Walk

The next part of our walk, complete with Terry and Rubin.
(Note: we did not make Rubin walk 12 miles. We are stupid people, but we are not BAD people, y’know?)

Sheep

That sheep in the middle? Totally stared at me THE WHOLE TIME we were walking past it. WHY?

Sky_1

The sky was all dramatic.

Trees_1

And there were some trees.

Afield

And a field.

Abridge

Also: a bridge

Moresheep

And some more freakin’ sheep. WHY?

Ahorse

In my skinny jeans and riding boots combo, this horse thought I was ready to just jump on his back and ride into the sunset…

So, that was our walk. On the second leg of it, I noticed that all the people we passed would nod and smile and Terry and then completely blank me. At first I was totally offended by this (I mean, OK, I looked like crap, but even so, I don’t think I deserved to be shunned by society), and then I realised that, although the sun had long since set, I was still wearing my sunglasses, so they probably thought I was BLIND or something. GOD, people are rude to the blind, aren’t they? (And also to the badly dressed, I fear).

Anyway, seeing as, according to Terry, the whole point of our walk was to allow us to say we did it, I would just like to say: people, we did it. We walked 12 miles in one day. And I walked 12 miles in riding boots, skinny jeans and sunglasses. GOD. Never do that, OK? Only stupid people do that. Still, we seen some nice sheep…

6 Comments

  • overnight says:

    The sheep know everything.

    Especially THAT.

  • Kate says:

    You should've posted a picture of you in your riding boots and skinny jeans. We want to see how badly dressed you really were. :)

  • Jen says:

    Love love this post Amber!

    Yeah, think we need photographic evidence of your "badly dressedness" (m'kay, realise that's not actually a real word, but it worked).

    Love the staring sheep-bloody hilarious!

  • Amber says:

    OE – the sheep DO know! They scare me. I keep having nightmares in which I wake up and find that white one sitting at the bottom of the bed, just watching me…

    Jen/Kate – oh hell no! No photographic evidence exists of my shame, alas. Terry did take his video camera, but he was under strict instructions to only ever film me from the waist up.

  • The Bag Lady says:

    Hurrah! Well done for completing the walk, I doubt I could do that…Not without my Blackberry, anyway…

    BTW, what's with the horse? I've never seen a horse that's been shaved like that, is that normal up there in Scotland? I mean, I did riding lessons for about 3 years and don't remember once seeing a horse like that…

    The area looks wonderful, so peaceful and beautiful. Gotta get out of London for a weekend away, methinks.

  • Amber says:

    Not sure if it's a Scotland-only thing, Kat, but they shave them like that quite a lot here – they basically shave undeneath the neck and belly so they can still turn them out, but they don't get too hot when they're ridden. I think.

    There is some lovely countryside round here, which we tend to forget when we're holed up at our computers all day. I'm sure Rubin will be happy to show you it should you find yourself in our neck of the woods :)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>