Do Ambers Pee in the Woods?

GOD.

I actually don’t even know why I’m about to "share" this story with you. I can only think that Diane was right when she commented that, as a blogger, it’s sometimes a case of "no humiliation  wasted." I know that the phrase "Ah well, at least you’ll get a blog post out of it!" fairly trips off Terry’s lips when I commit one of my random (And also: frequent!) acts of stupidity, so maybe that’s it. Either that or I? Am mad. You decide!

So, to cut to the chase, today Terry, Rubin and I headed out to yet another country park for yet another long and healthy walk. Just prior to this, however, I’d had a couple of long and not-so-healthy mugs of coffee. I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this. I, you see, have the bladder of a flea. And I would have made it – or I’m pretty sure I’d have made it, anyway – if it hadn’t been for the fact that on the way back to the car we somehow managed to take the wrong turning and plunge deeper into the woods than we’d intended to. About, ooh, a mile deeper, I’d say.

By the time we reached the car I could hardly walk. No matter, though! I was saved, for just a quarter of a mile from the car park sits the rustic yet very welcoming country park toilets. Hallelujah! I staggered towards them, cursing the burbling stream that was tinkling happily alongside me, and envying Rubin as he merrily raised his leg at every tree. We reached the toilets. They were locked. Handy that, no? We were now stuck in the middle of a country park, miles from the nearest rest rooms, miles from home, and with THAT FREAKING STREAM STILL TINKLING AWAY MERRILY.

People, I did what I had to. I staggered into the woods and… well, you know. I guess that’s the end of my career as a countryside campaigner for sure. Ah well, easy come, easy go. We’re planning a 12 mile walk before the end of this month. Lord only knows how that’s going to go down…


9 Comments

  • Suz says:

    Hello! Got here through Jen's blog.

    You have my sympathy – I have the same problem. It could've been worse, though – at least you had all that forest handy!

  • Amber says:

    Hi Suz :)

    Oh, definitely… It could have been SO much worse had there not been so many handy trees around. Let this be a lesson to me, though: no more coffee immediately before travelling to a place without bathrooms…

  • Jen says:

    Hehehehehehe.

    Love the title by the way ;)

    Seriously. Are you *me*? I too have the: SMALLEST BLADDER IN EXISTENCE tm. And, you just gotta answer that call when it comes through, haven't you?

    Suz makes a good point, at least you were in a forest. A field, I'm sure, would have been quite a different matter lol.

  • Amber says:

    Jen, It really is a terrible disability this small-bladder syndrome. Even if I don't drink AT ALL before going somewhere in the car, I can practically guarentee that, on arrival, I'll be forced to immediately go on the hunt for a loo. You'd think I'd learn my lesson with the coffee, but no, still guzzling awau…

  • Gemma says:

    I think everyone's been there. I've peed in the woods many a time. What can I say, I grew up in the country, my dad likes to walk, and I enjoy diet coke.

  • Diane says:

    Hope your wedding dress has-erm..easy access for loo visits…(sorry!)
    I have a pea-sized bladder, too. x

  • Amber says:

    Gemma, you're right – I actually can't quite believe I've never peed in the woods *before*…

    Diane – Funnily enough, I was fretting over this very issue at the weekend! Luckily I think there's room enough to fit a small commode under there, no one will be any the wiser :)

  • Linda says:

    Over my shoes was always my forte.
    Not quite one for shoewawa I don't suppose? :)

  • Amber says:

    Ha! I have to confess, Linda, that the protection of my shoes was at the forefront of my mind during the, ahem, "indident"….

    But no, probably not one for Shoewawa :)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>