So, there I am in the kitchen, making the umpteenth* cup of coffee of the day. I pour in the water and add sweetner – so far, so good. Then I reach for the milk, which is, handily enough, sitting right there beside me on the kitchen counter, even although I don’t remember taking it out of the fridge. I use it to fill up my mug. The problem? Well, it wasn’t milk, was it. No, it was BLEACH.

Yes, I put bleach in my own coffee. Needless to say (or, actually, given recent episodes, maybe I do need to say it…) I realised my mistake before I actually drank the coffee. Something about the swimming pool smell gave it away. GOD.

I’ve told Terry that he is in charge of all food and beverages from now on. I just can’t trust myself. to prepare my own meals…

* Note for non-Scottish people: “Umpteen” – an unspecified number somewhere in the teens; “a lot”

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