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How White Van Men Ruined My Life

22 Nov

So, another day, another white van pulls up outside the house, has multiple power tools unloaded from it, and is then used as a giant speaker, as its occupants strive to keep the volume load enough to still be audible over the noise of their drilling and sawing. AAARGH! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?! Why has no one got any manners any more? In my day, you respected your neighbours. This was all fields then, you see, and this "pop music" they listen to? Well, in my day we had real music, that you could dance to. Gah.

</grumpyoldwoman>

Also: I think I’m getting the cold. This is a problem, because I? Am a hypochondriac. Did I ever tell you I’m a hypochondriac? Well I am. Why, in the summer I had a spate of migraines, and convinced myself that I had a brain tumor. Nothing to do with the fact that all of my migraine triggers were present, in high volumes, for two weeks. Hell, no. Much more likely that I was dying. Much more likely. I actually lost two pounds in weight during this period, due to the whole "shaking with fear" thing. I call it "The Migraine Diet". Works like no other. Don’t try it at home, kids…

So, anyway, I think I’m getting the cold, but it’s only a very low-level cold which hasn’t really come to anything yet – slight sore throat, slightly runny nose, slight.. getting-the-cold feeling. It looks like the cold and it feels like the cold, but it has yet to actually develop into the cold, so my question, obviously, is "What if it’s a terrible, fatal illness?" What if it’s a terrible, fatal illness but I assume it’s just the cold, so I don’t do anything about it and then I die? WHAT IF, people?

Actually, while I’m here and ranting, here have another: as well as having the cold, I AM cold. So, so cold. Cold as in "I’m wearing two sweaters and a cardigan and I still can’t get warm" cold. No, this is nothing to do with the "getting the cold" scenario mentioned above. This is how I spend every winter without fail. For reasons that have never been clear to me, I feel the cold more than most people. In Florida? I carry a light sweater with me at all times, just in case the temperature drops below 90. In Scotland, during the winter? I wear all my clothes, all the time. This is why I write about fashion for a living, clearly. Gah.

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4 Responses to “How White Van Men Ruined My Life”

  1. Erin 22. Nov, 2006 at 10:21 pm  Erin(Quote) #

    Blimey. You need to invest in some hot water bottles and fast :) I get stupidly cold, too – and I keep eyeing these awesome microwaveable slippers that have grains in ‘em, like those teddy bear things (of which I have two.. cough).. because you lose most of the heat out of your feet and head, maybe wear a scarf and beanie with super warm slippers? Works for me, anyway :) (and I come from a tropical country.. so I seriously feel the cold!)

    Reply
  2. Amber 22. Nov, 2006 at 10:47 pm  Amber(Quote) #

    Erin, this is why I finally caved and got me some Ugg-style slippers :) They look terrible, but at least my feet are warm, and you’re dead right about losing so much heat from the feet. (Hee! I rhyme!) A hat has to be next on the agenda, I feel. It’s ridiculous, though, I feel so frumpy walking around like this, and GOD, the clothes are so bulky and annoying when I’m trying to work! I have no idea how you cope, coming from a warm country to this!

    Reply
  3. Fi 23. Nov, 2006 at 8:49 am  Fi(Quote) #

    I sympathise as I am always cold too! This one time, at university, I was wearing 4 jumpers and sitting in front of the radiator and I still couldn’t get warm!

    Reply
  4. Amber 23. Nov, 2006 at 9:50 am  Amber(Quote) #

    Glad to know it’s not just me, Fi! I slept last night in my yoga pants and an old sweater. Was lovely and warm, but God, I looked terrible…

    Reply

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