Five Sleeps to Go: Bright Eyes, Burning Like Fire…

OK, so we have antihistamine cream. We have haemorrhoid cream. We have industrial strength intensive cream for very dry skin. We have a little miniature hairdryer which, OK, has nothing at all to do with the RED WEALS, but which was only £5 in Boots, how about that? (Oh, and by “we” I mean “I”, by the way. I seem to be referring to myself in the third person, I have no idea why. Sorry.) We still have the red weals at this stage, but PLEASE GOD LET ONE OF THESE CREAMS WORK and I will… I dunno, give money to the poor? Would that do you? (Wait a minute, I AM the poor. Does that mean I get to give money to myself?) Give me something to work with here, God… if you want my soul or something, now would be a good time to ask, you know? Because I would totally sell my soul in return for the eyes I had last week, pre-weals. Totally.

Yeah, I’m pretty stressed here for sure. Weally stressed, you could say, fnar, fnar. (God, I crack myself up, sometimes. :makesjokestotryandhidethefactthatsheisSCARED:) And actually, I don’t feel even slightly stressed about the wedding – just about the red weals. GOD.

Anyway. This morning I got up and went to the shops to buy my various potions and it was so warm and sunny I had to open the sunroof on the car, and…

(brief pause while I go outside and close the sunroof again)

… it honestly felt like summer. (Bear in mind here that this is Scotland, so “mildly warm” is actually about as good as summer gets). It’s lovely. It was like this on Saturday too, and you know what that means? Why, that means that there is NO WAY IN HELL that it will be this nice on Saturday. I don’t care though. Just as long as I get to have a weal-free wedding…