So, in preparation for the start of Project Calm the Hell Down, I headed to the library on Friday to get myself a big pile o’books. While I was standing in the queue to check out this big pile o’books, I noticed two little boys standing in front of me. Suddenly, as if moved by some kind of sixth sense, Little Boy # 1 turned his head towards me, Exorcist style. He glanced at me and then did one of those comedy double-takes, his eyes widening in horror.

"Kids!" I thought, glancing quickly down to make sure I hadn’t, you know, forgotten to wear pants or something. But I hadn’t forgotten. And my humiliation was not yet over.

Little Boy # 1 turned to Little Boy # 2 and began whispering frantically in his ear, casting excited glances in my direction all the while. Something in his demeanor told me he was telling LB#2, "Don’t look now and make it too obvious, but…" Sure enough, both boys turned to face the front, and, after a discreet pause, Little Boy # 2 swivelled his head towards me, took a good look, and then collapsed, giggling, upon his friend.

WHY? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Why am I suddenly an object of ridicule to little kids?

Because I’m not much of a one for suffering the little children and all that jazz, I opened my mouth to tell them that, yes, I could see them laughing at me and it wasn’t very nice now, was it… then I remembered Project Calm the Hell Down, so I took a deep breath instead and satisfied myself with imagining how one day they, too, will be old and laughed at by young whippersnappers.

BUT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Is it because I’m a "ginger"?  (I don’t think it can be, because LB#2 had red hair too). Was it the over sized sunglasses perched on top of my head which, OK, make me look a bit like a giant human insect, but hey, I like looking like a giant human insect, and anyway, they help with the migraines? Am I too fat for my skinny jeans? WHAT?

In better news, Project Calm the Hell Down is going well. Today? I didn’t get up until 9.30am. Go me!

  1. Oh, Amber, that’s hysterical!!! Sorry, but I was chuckling away reading that.

    I wonder *what on earth* they were laughing at???!! …

    Re: 9.30am, go you indeed!! 😉 xx

  2. This happens to me too. Usually only little girls stare at me though.

    I would say that it was nothing to do with your hair colour, or your skinny jeans or indeed your sunglasses. I would imagine that they are obsessed with ‘Borat’ as most little boys are and thought you were Isla Fisher. Because in kid land, the same sex, hair colour and age makes you *that* person!

  3. Well, lets break it down. You have red hair (is it ok to say that? Or do I have to say ginger? not being haircist, I’ve never had to check before) and so did one of the kids so that wouldn’t be funny to him. You can’t be too fat for skinny jeans because you are very slim and kids don’t notive women being over weight anyway unless they are really overweight and while it could have been the sunglasses, I doubt it as they were on your head and little boys don’t really notice accessories do they? Not like little girls do. Therefore, I think they were saying ‘don’t look now but Borat’s wife is standing behind us, how cool is that, I dare you to say ‘Jagshamash’ to her’ or something equally hilarious!

  4. Well done. You behaved exactly right with these little people. (Grrr another two against the wall come the revolution).

  5. Slim pickings at our library, I’m afraid, Diane – everything is a good few years old, but I did stock up on some chick lit, you’ll be pleased to know. And I went back today and got some more 🙂 (Luckily there were no little boys there today, which was a bit of a shame, really, because I’d been practicing my Borat-speak, a la Polly’s suggestion!)

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