Not So Far From the Madding Crowd

It’s One of Those Weeks, folks, and by "One of Those Weeks" I mean, "Oh my good God, is it not the weekend already? And also: where is the wine?"

Even although it’s turned out to be a pretty crappy week, though, it did start off reasonably well, in that I I got to go shopping at the weekend. I love me some shopping. The problem with that, though? Well, there were a few problem with that. Allow me to list them for you:

1.  I went specifically to buy a new winter coat
2.  I did not get a new winter coat
3.  OMG, how will I keep warm this winter?!
4.  Oh. With the *ahem * thermal vest I bought.
5.  Shut up.
6.  You know you’d buy a thermal vest too if you lived in Scotland.
7.  No, you really would.
8.  Where was I?
9.  Oh, yeah. I didn’t buy a winter coat, but I did buy a whole bunch of other stuff.
10. That I didn’t really need because, hello! Winter coat, anyone?
11. Why am I writing like this, all listy? I should stop that now…

The main thing that troubled me about my shopping trip – that troubles me about every shopping trip, basically – was all the other people that were there at the same time as me. God, I hate other people. "Hell is other people," said Jean-Paul Sartre, and all I can say is that ole  J-P must have shopped in the same places as me because yes, it really was hell.

They were everywhere, the Other People: whole crowds of them, all doing that Slow-Walk-of-the-Shopping-Mall thing where they spread themselves across the entire aisle and then walk reeaaallllly, reeeaaaalllly slowly, stopping randomly to look at things and totally disregarding the fact that THERE WERE PEOPLE BEHIND THEM WHO NEEDED A WINTER COAT, DAMMIT. Most of them had those massive strollers that you can fit five babies in at once with them. Most of those babies were screaming. So was I at some points, I think: it was hard to tell over all the noise.

No matter where I went, the crowds of people would follow. It was a bit like being a famous person, except without all the money and, well, fame. In the first store I went into, the fitting rooms seemed to be closed (WHY?) but  I was only trying on coats, after all, and, OK, some sweaters, so I took my haul to the emptiest, most obscure corner I could find, far from the madding crowds and close to a mirror. Except it wasn’t far from the madding crowds at all, was it, because the freaking madding crowds CAME WITH ME. Everywhere I went, in every nook and/or cranny I found for myself, the Madding Crowds would all appear as if from thin air and squeeze themselves in next to me. Then they would blatantly watch me get changed. GOD.

Finally, in my desperation to just get the hell out of Dodge, I grabbed things more or less at random and paid for them, and that’s how I came to have two new sweaters that are all but identical, and no winter coat.

How was your weekend?