Rubin writes…
I don’t know, sometimes it’s like a dog can’t do nothin’ right, you know? It’s like: I pee on the washing machine, and that’s WRONG. So I pee against the side of the couch, and THAT’S wrong too. So I pee against the freezer and, guess what? Also WRONG. I mean, what’s a Rubinman to do?
Well, I’ll tell ya what a Rubinman did. I peed INSIDE TERRY’S BIN, that’s what I did. Ha! And, it’s like, I know yoos are probably all, “OMG! How did he do it?” but seriously dudes, it wasn’t even that hard – not to a cunning fox wolf like me, anyways.
So, I’m sleeping in the “spare room” these days, right? And in the “spare room” is Terry’s bin. Now, it was so simple I totally don’t know how come I didn’t think of it before, because, it’s like, yesterday morning I wakes up (early, like always. So’s I can do a bit of barking before They get up) and that bin is sittin’ there right in front of me, and suddenly it just hits me: “I’m totally going to pee in you,” I thought. So I did. Terry’s bin is like, made of wire, so alls I had to do was lift my leg against it and voila! (That’s “French”, by the way, and it means “the pee totally landed in the bin”. And, OK, some of it landed on the floor, too, but it’s the thought that counts, you know?)
Anyways, so I do that and then I hear Amber gettin’ up, and the next thing I know, she’s opened the door of the “spare room” and she’s totally standin there with this look on her face, like there’s a bad smell under her nose or somethin. And actually, there IS a bad smell under her nose, because she’s, like, standin right next to Terry’s BIN, and that thing, it don’t smell too good now, you know?
Amber does the whole “BAAAAAD!” thing with me, then she goes to Terry and she’s all, “Rubin peed in your bin,” and then Terry’s like, “WHAT?!” and I first I thought he was impressed, but as it turns out, not so much because then HE does the “BAAAAD!” thing as well, and then all day they keep mentioning that bin. And it actually started to get on my nerves, to be honest, so tonight after dinner, what I did was, I peed against the side of the freezer again.
TOTAL overreaction from the pair of them, as usual, but especially from Terry, who was all upset because, it’s like, the freezer is right next to the back door? And the back door was open at the time? But I was like, SO WHAT? It was raining, and when was the last time Terry went out and peed in the back garden in the rain? Well EXACTLY.
I better be gettin somethin good for my “Christmas” is alls I can say, because they’re getting beyond a joke, they really are. It’s like, they better get me a CAR or somethin to make up for it. Then I can pee in that as well.
1 Comment
  1. I had to read this out to my 5 y o son, who has an unhealthy fascination with rubin ever since the talking blog he posted. So I started, and eventually it became slightly tinged with scottish accents on words, and then ended up in an embarrasing full blown scotch accent, not unlike your own, but of course, Rubin, you are native Scots, not a pretender from NI….

    After managing to get through it, I was prompted to read it all again, to which I had to reply no, it was well past bedtime, and he had laughed so hard throughout I was worried his leg might fall off.

    Looking forward to seeing what you get for christmas this year!


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