Rubin writes…

So, by now Amber has probably been totally whinin’ it up over at her blawg, all, “OMG, Rubin totally vomited all over his bed and we had to buy him a new one, oh poor us, having to clean up all the vomit.” I mean, am I right?

Well, here’s the truth of the matter: I just wanted a new bed. And I got one, too. Alls I had to do was, like, totally regurgitate my dinner all over my old bed. It was, like, totally amazing, I mean, I wish you coulda seen it. Because, it’s like, it kind of surprised even me, you know? One minute I was having me a bit of a lie down after dinner, next minutes I’m staring that SAME DINNER in the face ALL OVER AGAIN.

Well, it didn’t take me long to realise that I was onto a winner with this one. I was all, “If I can keep on doin this, I can totally keep on eating my dinner OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Like, I could eat my dinner all day? This will give you just a small idea of how totally clever I am, but trust Killjoy Terry to put a stop to all the fun. He was all, “No, Rubin, you can’t eat your own vomit,” and then he cleaned it all up and everything, so what I did was, I threw up again, only this time I did it on one of their cushions. Then I did It AGAIN, but – and this was a total masterstroke – I did it ON THEIR BED. Hee! God, it was hilarious, you should have seen Amber’s face!

After that I didn’t feel too good. I think I might have overstretched myself, you know? So I bided my time, and sure enough, next thing I know, it’s the next day, and we’re down at Pets at Home, pickin’me up a new bed. Of course, I went for the most totally outrageous bed in the shop: it’s like, all red leather, and its got this white furry cushion on it. It’s a real KINGLY bed, you know? Like, a bachelor pad bed? A kinda “Come back to my place and see my Goodboys kinda bed”. This is it:

They’re calling it a “belated burfday present” – I call it “yet another triumph of Rubinman over Humans). Also: because it’s red, it matches my RED COAT. That, you know, I don’t even WEAR, obviously, on account of me bein’ a WOLF. Rarrr.

Anyway, they gives me the bed, and I has a bit of a think to myself, and I was like, “I think I’m going to mix things up a bit here, see if I can’t set me a new kinda record or somethin.” So what I did was, I waited until it was, like, WAY early in the morning, then I crapped all over that stupid bed of mine. Hee! So, I totally got me my record: that bed had only been in our house for a matter of hours -HOURS, I tells ya- and I had already totally crapped on it, and it had ALREADY been washed and everything. Now I don’t got no red leather bed, because I’ve got to wait for the furry cushion thing to dry, but it’s like, it’s OK, because there’ll be somthin else I can pee on tonight. Like, probably the washing machine, or somethin.

Smell yas,

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