So, by now Amber has probably been totally whinin’ it up over at her blawg, all, “OMG, Rubin totally vomited all over his bed and we had to buy him a new one, oh poor us, having to clean up all the vomit.” I mean, am I right?
Well, here’s the truth of the matter: I just wanted a new bed. And I got one, too. Alls I had to do was, like, totally regurgitate my dinner all over my old bed. It was, like, totally amazing, I mean, I wish you coulda seen it. Because, it’s like, it kind of surprised even me, you know? One minute I was having me a bit of a lie down after dinner, next minutes I’m staring that SAME DINNER in the face ALL OVER AGAIN.
Well, it didn’t take me long to realise that I was onto a winner with this one. I was all, “If I can keep on doin this, I can totally keep on eating my dinner OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Like, I could eat my dinner all day? This will give you just a small idea of how totally clever I am, but trust Killjoy Terry to put a stop to all the fun. He was all, “No, Rubin, you can’t eat your own vomit,” and then he cleaned it all up and everything, so what I did was, I threw up again, only this time I did it on one of their cushions. Then I did It AGAIN, but – and this was a total masterstroke – I did it ON THEIR BED. Hee! God, it was hilarious, you should have seen Amber’s face!
After that I didn’t feel too good. I think I might have overstretched myself, you know? So I bided my time, and sure enough, next thing I know, it’s the next day, and we’re down at Pets at Home, pickin’me up a new bed. Of course, I went for the most totally outrageous bed in the shop: it’s like, all red leather, and its got this white furry cushion on it. It’s a real KINGLY bed, you know? Like, a bachelor pad bed? A kinda “Come back to my place and see my Goodboys kinda bed”. This is it:
They’re calling it a “belated burfday present” – I call it “yet another triumph of Rubinman over Humans). Also: because it’s red, it matches my RED COAT. That, you know, I don’t even WEAR, obviously, on account of me bein’ a WOLF. Rarrr.
Anyway, they gives me the bed, and I has a bit of a think to myself, and I was like, “I think I’m going to mix things up a bit here, see if I can’t set me a new kinda record or somethin.” So what I did was, I waited until it was, like, WAY early in the morning, then I crapped all over that stupid bed of mine. Hee! So, I totally got me my record: that bed had only been in our house for a matter of hours -HOURS, I tells ya- and I had already totally crapped on it, and it had ALREADY been washed and everything. Now I don’t got no red leather bed, because I’ve got to wait for the furry cushion thing to dry, but it’s like, it’s OK, because there’ll be somthin else I can pee on tonight. Like, probably the washing machine, or somethin.