When your dog gets better press than you do

Imagine, if you will, readers that you have a blog. In fact, chances are you already do have a blog, so imagine you have a whole bunch of blogs: a veritable blog network, in fact! And imagine that every day you get up and you work long and hard on your blogs, slaving diligently over a hot keyboard for hours on end, and working long into the night to bring your loyal readers news from the world of fashion, beauty and random acts of stupidity.

You do all of this, not because you are a complete glutton for punishment (although that too), but because you keep on telling yourself that one day, one of these blogs will Get Noticed by …er, someone important. Someone who will, say, feature them in a magazine or just give you wads of cash, for reasons that aren’t yet 100% clear to you. "And then I shall be rich beyond my wildest dreams!" you tell yourself, laughing a manic laugh as you pour another mug of coffee and get back to burning that midnight oil.

So, say you do all of this, and then one day you open up your email and you find a message from a journalist telling you that your dog – that creature who still pees on the washing machine every time you go to the gym, and who once ate three of your shoes in one sitting – has just beaten you to the punch, and been featured in a magazine. BEFORE YOU.

Yeah, that would suck.

Actually, it was pretty damn cool, too. Rubin, you see, has appeared in this month’s edition of Dog’s Today magazine, in an article about blogging. See, there’s a picture of his blog and everything:

Rubinman

Writer Julie Hill says:

"Rubinman is a Bichon Frise who writes his own blog, and Rubin is another dog with character. I live with a Bichon, and from the photographs I recognise many of the traits of the breed, such as relaxing with tummy exposed and paws flopping. Rubin apparently has a distinctive odour, unfortunate toilet habits, and a taste for pulling the ‘brains’ out of tennis balls. His blog is offbeat and amusing."

So, I read all of that, and all I saw was, "Blah, blah, blah, blah…offbeat and amusing." And it made me smile because as much as I’d hate to try and take credit for Rubin’s work, I did teach him everything he knows. About blogging, I mean. Not about peeing on the washing machine and having a distinctive odour. And then it hit me. "It’s the dog who will make us rich!" I thought. "At last that bag of fur will start paying his way, and fame and fortune will be mine! I mean his." This thought has cheered me up greatly. And really, it almost made up for the person who called me a "pretentious asshole" in a StumbleUpon review last week…

Rubin, meanwhile, has let the "fame" go to his head, rather, I’m afraid. He’s asking for his own agent now and refusing to work unless he gets at least the minimum wage and five weeks’ paid holiday. And he tried to chase an Alsatian last week. You can’t get the staff these days, you really can’t.