How We’re Living

So, it turns out we COULD actually fit more kitchen stuff into the living room after all:

Kitchen sink: not even visible under all that MESS.

The rest of the kitchen stuff was delivered yesterday. The things in the picture above are the bits of the old kitchen that are currently sitting around in the living room before we turf them out into the back garden, where they will live in peace and harmony along with The Tree That Scratched Me. Or, at least, they will live there until the council come and take them away. IF, of course, the council agree to actually take them away, and that’s not looking at all likely right now, let me tell you.

Conversation Terry had with the council:

Terry: Hi, I’d like to arrange a bulky uplift please. There’s quite a lot of stuff because I’m putting in a new kitchen and throwing out the old one.

Council: No problem. What do you have for us?

Terry: Well, there’s a cooker.

Council: Uh-huh, no problem.

Terry: A bunch of old worktops. They’re pretty long.

Council: Sure!

Terry: There’s laminate flooring that used to cover the floors of our entire house.

Council: No problem!

Terry: And the old kitchen units.

Council: Coolio!

Terry: A chair.

Council: Bring that chair on!

Terry: The kitchen sink.

Council: We love uplifting kitchen sinks!

Terry: Oh, and there’s some small bits of wood that used to be the front of the kitchen drawers, but they’re really small, so I don’t know if they count.

Council: WHOA THERE, daddy-o! Did you say “small bits of wood?!”

Terry: Ummm, yes. Yes, I did. Old drawer fronts. Small, you know?

Council: We’re not picking THEM up. They’ll never fit into our van. And how will we carry them?

Terry: Well, I can pick them up in one hand, easily. They’re small.

Council: Oh hell to the no. We’re not taking them. What we’ll need to do is send someone round to “assess” them, to see if there’s the remotest possibility of us being able to uplift them for you. But I’ll tell you now: there isn’t.

Terry: Ummm. OK. But the cooker, worktops, large units, miles of laminate floor, office chair and kitchen sink: they’re all OK?

Council: Oh yeah, they’re no problem.

* headdesk *

So, once again we are faced with being “assessed” before the relevant authorities can help us. Great. And the beat goes on….

In other news, the more observant of you (and those not reading via RSS or email) may have noticed a fugly little doo-dah called “scribit” sitting in my sidebar. This is a new thing I am trying out, which basically allows you to ask me questions which I can then answer here on the blawg. Which means I don’t actually have to think for myself, EVER. I am convinced this experiment will fail miserably, but until it does, if you have a burning question, or just something you would really, really like me to write about, ask away. (You just click the “What should I write about?” text to enter your suggestion.) All I ask is that you not make your questions:

a) rude

or

b) maths related. So none of that whole, “If a train leaves the station at 2pm travelling at 70mph….” nonsense, ‘kay?