Comments on: Tanning My Own Ass

By: Kristabella

Kristabella — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 01:16:40 +0000

This is why I go to the salon and do the spray tan. It isn’t as orangey and it goes on even because it sprays it on you. For the most part. I always eff up my hands and leave huge white spots.

By: Amber

Amber — Sat, 31 May 2008 08:09:56 +0000

OK, so Jergens Natural Glow has been added to my (extremely long) list of “Things I must buy in America”. Don’t THINK we have it over here, but will try it out next week, anwyay.

Thanks again for all the removal suggestions, folks – lots here I hadn’t heard of. The current crisis has now passed (I just kept layering on more tan until you couldn’t see the streaks any more. Because I am stupid. I look a bit like Victoria Beckham now, but meh…)

Toni – Cif, as in the household cleaner?!

By: Kristen

Kristen — Sat, 31 May 2008 02:29:13 +0000

I also recommend Jergens natural glow, though ONLY the lightest formula, as I found it too easy to get overly confident. Being as I’m (according to my first, charming boyfriend) “butt white”, when I noticed success that didn’t seem to be orange, I promoted myself to the next formula up and -of course – ended up looking like an Oompa Loompa from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I gave up, and have accepted my inevitable life as one who will look sickly forever.

To feel better about your trip to Florida, maybe you could go back to the place with the air tunnel and get a picture and just tell people it was your lifelong dream to recreate that moment as an Oompa Loompa flying in the tunnel as if you were in the actual movie?? If you can’t fix it, fake it, I say!

By: Melissa

Melissa — Sat, 31 May 2008 02:00:34 +0000

I heard witch hazel works to remove it. Also, exfoliate, exfoliate, exfoliate! That could at least lessen it so it’s not so noticeable.

By: Toni

Toni — Fri, 30 May 2008 22:59:36 +0000

Very funny, Terry I actually thought it’d be a picture of an actual tiger, but that’s even better…

As for getting it off, there’s only one answer I’ve found. Cif. The cream stuff is best. I once tried Viakal but it didn’t work, so stick to the Cif. Yes, it hurts, but it gets rid of the stuff!

By: Lila athanaselis

Lila athanaselis — Fri, 30 May 2008 22:21:16 +0000

oh dear sounds like a right palavva…

some ideas i have read are leaving lemon juice on overnight, has to be a cut lemon, or bathing in it…whitening toothpaste, but test first, tanning removal wipes…

I would suggest a sugar and olive oil scrub or salt scrub and gently rubbing in shower…

I would try another salon next time..i dont think i go through with self tanning for the reasons you have said lol, would try every professional till someone did see me…how about trying well before holidays so you have a good idea what to expect and can make a decision for when you really need it…also the college have a reasonably priced salon with supervised students, how about a visit there…have had a few treatments done there..

By: Amber

Amber — Fri, 30 May 2008 19:59:27 +0000

See, the only and only time I ever plucked up the courage to book a spray tan, I turned up at the appointed time (the day before a trip to Greece) only for the owner of the salon to take one look at me and basically hound me out of the place. She said that the stuff dries so fast that unless you rub it in REALLY quickly and carefully, it will make a mess, and she said that on my super-pale skin (See, I really wasn’t joking about that) any mistakes would be really, really obvious.

I think she maybe read my blog, realised how accident prone I am, and didn’t want want me to sue her or something.

Anyway, she suggested I just buy a bottle of St Tropez and do it myself, but the only place open at that time of night was the supermarket, which didn’t have St Tropez I(and actually, I’ve managed to make an almighty mess with it too, so there’s no saying it would’ve worked any better) so I bought a random tanning gel, slapped it on when I got home… and woke up for our early flight the next morning looking like a tiger.

Maybe I should give the tanning booth another chance?

By: Danielle

Danielle — Fri, 30 May 2008 17:22:05 +0000

It’s my goal this year to actually get pale. I brown just THINKING about the sun, so I’m trying to avoid skin cancer this year.

By: bri lee

bri lee — Fri, 30 May 2008 16:06:57 +0000

I always find the spray tan booth to be the best bet, but having very dry skin sometimes i get patchy even if i use lotion far ahead of the appointment. A cheaper option, and I’m not sure if they have it in Scotland, would be Jergens natural glow. It’s a gradual lotion/tanner and even if you mess up its hardly noticed and comes off the next day if you want it to.

By: Amber

Amber — Fri, 30 May 2008 15:23:01 +0000

Thanks for the tips folks, will be bookmarking this page for future reference. Luckily the third layer of fake tan seems to have worked, so I am now looking less like Terry’s illustration and more like an actual human being, albeit a slightly streaky one.

All that could change though, for I have just returned from the supermnarket, where I purchased FAKE TAN FOR THE FACE! Ah well, in for a penny…