Ever wondered how long it might take to get three tortoises to stand in a straight line? I HAVE:
Oh, and "a long time" is the answer, just FYI. That whole "tortoises move slow" thing is just a rumour they put about to try and trick you. Trust me, as soon as their little feet hit the deck, those bad boys are off and running…
Anyway, the reason they’re here, guest starring on the ole blawg today is because we have reached that part of the year when the in-laws take their annual five week trip to Greece and Terry and I take custody of Pepe & the Tortoises, which sounds like a 60s skiffle band, and actually, is almost as noisy as one, too.
Here is the lead vocalist of the group (the tortoises are on percussion, banging their food dishes against the glass of their tank. Yes, like prisoners.), Pepe le Parrot:
Don’t be fooled by the little smile he appears to be giving in this picture, folks: Pepe hates me with a vengeance (he hates everyone except Keith and Terry), and was probably thinking about how he’s going to bite my finger first chance he gets. And to think mine is the hand that feeds him, too!
And, because he gets crazy jealous every time we so much as look as the other animals, here is Rubin, just before trying to eat what appeared to be a large pool of vomit which we encountered on our walk tonight:
Terry and I will now be subjected to a couple of days of Rubin acting out almost constantly, in a bid to divert our attention away from Pepe & the Tortoises, and to prove that he’s still the most bad-ass pet in da house. (A mission he is doomed to fail in, by the way: Pepe is the most bad-ass pet, for sure.) Seriously, for the first couple of hours of their stay, he will generally follow me around, sometimes placing his paw on my knee appealingly and looking at me as if to say, "I’m still the number one pet, aren’t I? Say I am the number one pet." Then he’ll clamber up onto my knee (he can jump up perfectly well, but for some reason he’s always preferred to climb, like a small child), and will sit there looking at Pepe smugly, thinking, "Hee! Lookit me sitting on Amber’s knee! Not so smart now, huh?" Then Pepe will say "Hello, pretty boy!" and that’ll freak Rubin out all over again.
You know what they say, people, never work with children or animals…