Yeah, I’m still depressed.
I mean, look at the weather forecast for this week:
Now, clearly this only takes us up to Thursday, but for the rest of the week/summer I’m going to go out on a limb and guess 14 – 15 degrees. And raining.
This is depressing. Being back home? Depressing. Not knowing when I’ll next see the sun? Also depressing.
Anyway, I’ve thought about this a lot over the past few days, and have come up with a cunning plan, which is as follows:
Stage 1: Find way to make lots of money.
Stage 2: Make lots of money.
Stage 3: Buy house in Florida. With all the money.
Obviously this plan needs a bit of fleshing out – particularly stage 1 – but I’ll get round to that, really. In the meantime, I’m stuck back at home, slowly working my way through all of the idiot comments and messages people decided to send me while I was gone. I knew this would happen. I knew that as soon as I tried to take a break, the readers of my blogs would be all, "Hey, Amber took her eye off the ball! Let’s act like assholes!" but it’s depressing all the same. A bit like the weather, you know?
Take this message, for instance, which came to me from a person known only as email@example.com. Anyas had these enlightening thoughts to share with me:
"I think gingers are so ugly. I have turned down dates with ginger men as they are so disgusting. I did get set up on a blind date once, he was ginger but I thought I would see how the date went. Halfway through I left as he was just to ugly to look at and he wanted to touch me. Vile. Ugly ugly gingers."
Umm, yeah. Thanks for that, Anyas! And I’m sure you’re every bit as beautiful on the outside as you obviously are on the inside, which leaves you really well qualified to talk about other people like this! < /sarcasm>
This is the kind of intellect I’m dealing with here, folks. It makes me wish there was some kind of IQ test people had to pass before they were allowed to use the Internet, but sadly, no.
There was also the guy who wrote to me asking for a job as a writer, and typed his entire email in lower case. Because that’s what professional writers do, you know? Gah.
It hasn’t been all bad news, though. I mean, it’s been mostly bad news, but I also returned home to this new toy:
It’s a phone that looks like a little dog, OMG! No, it’s the Samsung SGH-F480. Samsung sent it to me to review because… no, I give up, I have no idea why. But I’m very glad they did though, because I heart it. It has a touch screen like the iPhone, and I wasn’t sure how well I’d get on with that, but I actually really like it, and so far it’s easy enough for even me to use. I mostly love it, though, because not long after I got it working, Terry disappeared with it into the other room, and now my morning wake-up alarm features Rubin’s voice (yes, Rubin has a voice. D’uh!) shouting, "AMBLA! IT’S TIME TO GET UP!" And when Terry calls me? Rubins’s voice shouts out "RING RING! RING RING!" My last phone just didn’t do that.
I’m not sure what else Terry’s done to this phone, but I totally wouldn’t be surprised if I’m standing in the supermarket or somewhere one day and Rubin’s voice shouts, "AMBLA! I NEED A PEE!" from my bag. Ya gotta love that, no?