This morning I was wandering around the house, obsessively cleaning the floors, as you do, when my gaze drifted over to Rubin’s lair, which is where he drags the many things he has killed throughout the day, and I noticed THIS:

Now, quite apart from the fact that the Pink Hippo is quite clearly DRUNK AS A SKUNK (and in the morning, too! We don’t generally start drinking until at least lunchtime in this house, let me tell you…) THAT IS MY WATER BOTTLE.  For the gym. Or at least, it was my water bottle, because I’m sure as hell not going to be drinking from it now:

The Damage
The Damage

I loved that water bottle. It was the best damn water bottle a girl ever had. Not only was it my BFF at the gym, but it was also brilliant for keeping next to my bed at night, on account of the little spout thingy, which meant that if I was thirsty during the night, I didn’t even have to raise my head off the pillow to take a drink.  It was such a wonderful aid to laziness, and I will miss it. Well, until tomorrow, obviously, when I will buy a new one and forget all about it.

The thing is, though: I can’t be 100% certain, but I’m pretty sure the last time I saw the water bottle, it was on the kitchen counter. HOW DID HE DO IT?

However he did it, he’s grounded for the rest of the day. Don’t worry: he knows he done wrong. That’s why he went and hid under my chair as soon as he saw me notice the remains of the bottle:

P.S. His version of events here

P.P.S – Just to add, he didn’t actually get in trouble because he wasn’t caught in the act, and it was my own fault for leaving it where he could get it – he was just hiding because he knew he shouldn’t have done it!

    1. I know, his cuteness has saved him after many an episode of Badness. To be fair, though, this is the first thing he has destroyed in a really long time, and I'm guessing that although I *thought* I left it on the worktop, it must have fallen onto the floor. And anything that's on the floor is automatically Rubin's…

  1. Does Rubin have a nylabone? I wouldn’t own a dog if they did not make these miracles of hard nylon for chewing. My golden retriever loves them!

    1. He *did* have a nylabone, but he generally turns his nose up at thins designed for dog's to chew, prefering things designed for humans to wear/use instead. So I think he burried it. He actually hasn't chewed anything of ours in years, though, so I think I can forgive him this time 🙂

  2. Hahaha, oh, his face is too cute and hilarious here to be mad at him. It's also tough to communicate your disapproval when you don't actually witness the crime, and you end up just pointing at a mangled water bottle or shoe and going "Blah blah blah." And I always wonder why, if they KNEW it was bad and they'd end up cowering under a chair, why did they do it? Why?

    At least it's not your underwear dragged from the laundry basket and displayed in the foyer so that you and whoever's with you when you open the door are greeted by your chewed up, dirty underpants. Which is what our family dog did all through her puppy years.

    1. I know – he wasn't caught in the act here, so I couldn't actually scold him, but he *definitely* knew he shouldn't have done it!

      Oh, and the underwear? Been there. And no, there is nothing more humiliating than bringing guests into the house only to find a pair of your knickers lying in the middle of the floor! Rubin is also a terrible sock thief – if he sees a sock, he MUST have it. We find little nests of them all over the house.

  3. At least he didn't just eat pieces of a ceramic saucer, like I just found my dog doing! Fortunately I managed to get all the sharp bits out of his mouth, but, it was really scary – I've only had the little scamp a month and he does this?

      1. He is 10 months old, but hasn't been socialised yet (been shut up in a cage for most of his life) – so I understand when he does stupid things! The saucer was the cat's feeding bowl, so I guess the smell of cat food was too much for him to turn down!

  4. The little bugger.

    It could have been far, far, far worse. (And I apologise to anyone eating at this time, recently eaten or just those who may be even thinking about it).


    My friends' dog ate her rent. That's right. Ate it. £470 in notes on the kitchen table. Left the room for a while, came back and there's the incriminating evidence, in pieces, at the dogs' feet. She swiflty gathered up what was left and did a sticky tape job and stuck them together. However, on counting, there was only £300 odd quid. The rest (yes, you've guessed it) had to be "passed", cleaned and then re-assembled as best as possible before taken into the bank and exchanged for nice new notes. And seeing as there were some really TINY chewed pieces, the full amount was never recovered.

    And it was a VERY big dog.


    1. Oh. My. God. OK, that totally wins the "freakiest dog story ever" contest. I guess we're kinda "lucky" in that we don't actually have any money for Rubin to eat, but if he ever did that, I would totally piece it all back together again. And ground him for life, obviously…

  5. I have a dog about Rubins size, so he's not very big. However he manages to eat stuff, that just couldn't possibly fit through his throat. The worst thing was when he secretly ate a pinecone. Like a large, gigantic pinecone, that even I would have trouble swallowing with, if I was ever to want to eat stuff like that. But in it had went and suprisingly, it didn't kill him, he puked it out on my carpet. And there I found it, in a big pile of yellow goo. mmm. But he got lucky, I wans't even mad at him, I ws just glad that he had managed to survive through the entire eating a pinecone adventure. And he doesn't eat anything lying around the house, all shoes are safe from him, lucky me:). He seems to pick out the most disgusting stuff he can find, I won't even mention the rest of the nastyness I've had to pull out of his mouth.

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