Oct
2008
Forever Amber: The Early Years. Part 2 – Toylet humour
When I was a child, my parents would occasionally find themselves looking after two dogs. The dogs in question were brothers: Snoopy belonged to my mum’s parents and Rusty belonged to my dad’s parents, and if both sets of grandparents decided to take holidays at the same time, the dogs would come to us. This was, of course, a very great thrill for me, although not so much for my parents, who knew that every visit with the dogs would end with me writing this kind of thing in my News Book:
It didn’t scan too well, but the text reads:
Thursday 29th September
We are looking after to dogs for a week. One is called Snoppy and one is called Rusty. One day Rusty pumped. he go such a fright that he jumped up and ran away to the other side of the living room. When Rusty eats he gets his bowl all over the floor.
Once you know that “pumped” = “farted” you will perhaps be able to understand the trepidation with which my mum and dad approached each parents evening, knowing that this is the kind of thing I would’ve spent the term writing about.
Incidentally, Snoopy – sorry, “Snoppy” – wasn’t exactly Mr Perfectpants either:
Thursday 16th November
I went to my granns on Sunday my grann has got a dog cold snoopy he is funy he can oppen the living room door when I was at my granns he was bad he dun the toylet in the cichon I get my tea at my granns I have sanwiches and biscuts and we play with snoopy
What I don’t mention in the text, but what is painfully apparent from the accompanying image, is that Snoopy didn’t just do the toylet in the cichon, he clearly dun it on the washing machine. (Now we know where Rubin gets that from!) And that my mum apparently had to lie on her belly to clean it up. Also pictured: my “grann”, who, like me, had hair the approximate colour of a post box. She’s presumably cooking up the sanwiches and biscuts, while I just stand there thinking, “I’m SO going to write about this on the Internet one day!”
Here are the dogs in question, apparently being strangled by me, and both thinking, “Oh God, please don’t let her write about us in her News Book…”
Rusty & Snoopy
Snoopy and me
19 Comments on Forever Amber: The Early Years. Part 2 – Toylet humour
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[...] my grandparents’ dog, Rusty (he of “pumping” fame) had died a year or so earlier, and although my grandparents had sworn never to get another dog [...]
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Amanda Nicole
October 12, 2008 at 4:56 pm (1683 days ago)These posts are seriously killing me. Please keep them coming.
<abbr>Amanda Nicole´s last blog post..yellow fever</abbr>
Amber
October 12, 2008 at 10:29 pm (1683 days ago)Oh, don't worry, there's plenty more where those came from! And to think my parents thought the public humiliation was over….
Terry
October 12, 2008 at 6:36 pm (1683 days ago)you have three legs in the bottom picture
Amber
October 12, 2008 at 10:30 pm (1683 days ago)Oh God, I hoped you'd never find out about my Third Leg… Looks like my secret is out
Diane
October 12, 2008 at 7:17 pm (1683 days ago)ah, so this is where the amputation rumours started?
<abbr>Diane´s last blog post..(an unimaginatively-titled post called) yay!</abbr>
Amber
October 12, 2008 at 10:30 pm (1683 days ago)OK, I admit it: I don't just have one leg, but I DID have three at one point. SO embarassing, can't believe I let the cat out of the bag like this! (Or the dog out of the cichon, as the case may be…)
J.
October 13, 2008 at 1:59 am (1683 days ago)These are adorable – what a cute little girl you must've been! Was your hair actually the color of a post box, though?
Amber
October 13, 2008 at 3:18 pm (1682 days ago)Oh yes, it was the exact colour depicted in the drawing
hiun_na
October 13, 2008 at 2:49 pm (1682 days ago)i noticed a " brother" in the last draw, is there any explanation for that ? ^^
Amber
October 13, 2008 at 3:19 pm (1682 days ago)That's just the end of the story this particular drawing was attached to.
Steph
October 13, 2008 at 6:19 pm (1682 days ago)Ow… dying from the funny
Amber
October 14, 2008 at 4:38 pm (1681 days ago)Ha, I aim to please
Nina
October 13, 2008 at 7:02 pm (1682 days ago)Loooool this is so stinkin' cute! Love the way you mispelled all the words! Apparently you were already having a dresses-love-affair back then! One orange, one purple – very pretty!
Amber
October 14, 2008 at 4:38 pm (1681 days ago)Oh yes, I was all about the dresses. They had to be triangular, though. And in primary colours
Caroline
October 13, 2008 at 10:44 pm (1682 days ago)Umm, worryingly I have a similar picture of me dancing with our dog when I was a child. Only our dog was a red setter called Sasha and when you're 4 or so that really IS as tall as a house… or pretty damned tall at least! I'll have to dig that out and see what colour frock I was wearing…
Don't think I wrote about Sasha's toilet habits though…
<abbr>Caroline´s last blog post..Grey day</abbr>
Amber
October 14, 2008 at 4:03 pm (1681 days ago)Oh, you must try and find it! Who knew there was more than one massive dancing dog!
Becky Bowden
October 14, 2008 at 10:02 am (1681 days ago)Amber these posts are flippin' amazing, can't wait to read more! Well done for thinking about stylish design at such a young age though, seriously your "grann's" skirt matched perfectly with her snazzy purple cooker and the bright yellow washing machine also matches your mum's vibrant lime outfit rather well. I love how she's just laying down on the floor cleaning by the way lmfao. Definitely a housework tip to take note of! Becky x
Amber
October 14, 2008 at 4:05 pm (1681 days ago)Yes, I was very matchy-matchy as child, obviously! Slightly worried by my bright orange dress, though – why not purple to match the cooker I wonder?