Under Investigashun

Remember how earlier this week I was getting in a little bit of advance worrying about tonight’s full moon, and the generous helping of Crazy it would no doubt bring to my life?

I was right to worry.

This morning I woke up to an email from Companies House, who, for the benefit of those of you who don’t like in the UK, or, indeed, run your own business, govern all activity by limited companies in this country. If you run a business you have to be registered with them, and there are all kinds of rules you have to abide by if you don’t want Very Bad Things to happen.

Anyway, as I was saying, this morning I woke up to an email from Companies House, in which they informed me that my business is now under investigation for a possible breach of “Section 82 of the Companies Act 2006″.

So, obviously I immediately died.

When I revived myself, I read on, and discovered that I was being investigated for breaching this Act because a concerned member of the public had reported me for it.

So I died again.

A couple of coffees later (and, OK, brandy), I read on. Helpfully, Companies House had not just started a new email to tell me I was – insert Drum Roll of Doom here – Under Investigashun. No, they had just forwarded on the entire email conversation they’d been having with the person who had reported me.  A person who, I was to learn, was accusing me of:

a) owing her money

and

b) being a taxi driver

It was at this point that alarm bells started to ring. I feverishly read the email again, and – YES! – there it was! The woman had not reported me AT ALL! In fact, she had reported a COMPLETLY DIFFERENT COMPANY to Companies House, and OK, it’s a company that has a similar name to mine, but the woman had supplied them with the Company Number AND the website address (which, just to be clear here, was NOT MY WEBSITE ADDRESS), both of which made it perfectly clear that they done got the wrong person. The right person being someone who is NOT ME. And who has nothing to do with me. Whew!

What is totally bizarre about this, is that, having been supplied with the URL of the company the woman was complaining about, Companies House didn’t just visit that URL (I did, and it works) and contact the company in question. No, they apparently hit up Google, searched for a completely different company with a similar-sounding name, and then contacted that person instead. (That person being ME.) Freaking GENIUS, no?

Oh, and as if that wasn’t enough, they also forwarded me a private email conversation between them and the woman who originally contacted them. I now know her name, her email address, and all about how much money she is owed by a third party. Whose details, including their company number, I now ALSO have, thanks to Companies House. I bet that company is thrilled to know that I, Magic Amber, am now party to their dispute!

A good morning’s work by Companies House, then, who have, thankfully, replied to the “WTF?” email I sent them earlier this morning with a “Whoops! No, it’s not YOU that’s under investigation!”. So that’s something.

Incidentally, the woman who wanted to know where her Heidi Klum skin care order was? Never did get back in touch. Magic Amber is pleased to have been of service…


19 Comments

  • Toni says:

    Oh… my… God.

    Of all the faff places make about data protection, stuff like this amazes me. Though it doesn’t surprise me. HSBC once sent me six different letters with six different account numbers and sort codes on, along with the holder’s address and date of birth details. Which I SO should have sold on the internet, but being a decent person sucks sometimes. And T-Mobile forward me a message a couple of weeks ago which was a severe bollocking for some of their sales staff.

    It makes me want to tell company’s NOTHING, ever again. Because they cannot be trusted.

    But good you’re not under investigation!

    Toni´s last blog post..The One Where I Get One of My Best Friends In Trouble

    • Amber says:

      Oh. My. God. That is truly shocking. And I know, all the fuss about protecting people's privacy, and then this kind of thing!

      Also, they're always telling us to "whistle blow" on people who are doing Bad Things (benefit fraud, etc), but if they're in the habit of just forwarding your email onto the person you're reporting, I don't think that's going to work out for them somehow! I did copy in the woman who had originally contacted them on my email: I figured she might be interested to know that they were sending her messages to random strangers, and presumably will send them to the person she was complaining about.

  • Kat says:

    ROFL…that must have given you a good start. WTF? And sorry it’s not you that’s under investigation is all that they could come up with? WEIRDOS!

    Kat´s last blog post..Weird Dreams and Random Thoughts

  • Wow, that’s so stressful! I have an irrational fear of being Under Investigation, for what I don’t know. Must be Big Brother working. I’m glad you’re no longer a wanted taxi driving thief!

    Amanda Nicole´s last blog post..toilet talk

    • Amber says:

      It did give me a horrible fright when I first started reading it. It’s good to have my name cleared, though – no taxi drivers here!

      (Not that there’s anything wrong with taxi drivers, I feel compelled to point out…)

  • Veronika says:

    Uuuuuuuuu..so happy the whole incident ended well (I would have probably faint if I had gotten an email like that) but man, those ppl at Companies House.. “nice work”!:D

  • Erik (Sorrento) says:

    Hmm. I remember hailing a cab in your area and a redhead with surprisingly good fashion sense was the driver and she took an an unnecessarily long route to my destination …

  • Kristabella says:

    Holy crap! That’s government for you!

    Kristabella´s last blog post..Winter Wonderland

  • Tracey says:

    Do you have a part time job you’re not telling us about?

    Tracey´s last blog post..Why???

  • Amy says:

    Oh wow. Wow. That must have been quite a shock. I wonder if anything similar has happened before if they’re so reckless! Isn’t that a frightening thought?

    Amy´s last blog post..Sounds of Fall

    • Amber says:

      Oh, our government regularly lose people’s data and stuff like that. The email I was sent said that the “case” had been passed on to a “case officer”, though, so I’m just praying they’ve been competent enough to tell that person not to bother, or I’ll probably hear from them again in a few weeks!

  • Louise says:

    Wow Amber, I'm totally impressed with your recent spate of replying to all comments!! Well done, God knows I couldn't be arsed! Your doing a Great Job, keep it up!

    P.S. Yay about not being under innvestigashun…

  • Kate says:

    Oh dear. I would have LAID EGGS.

    Not the same deal, but I had a collections company calling me up looking for someone who was decidedly NOT ME, though man alive were they ever convinced I was lying! Sorry dears, I am not nor have I ever been a 35 year old living in California whose cellphone account is in arrears. Sorry to ruin your day! At least in your spot, they're not giving you the "Oh no you don't, we know you're this person, now take thy lumps!" that I've been getting!

  • markez linda says:

    Thanks for this. Just subscribed.

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