Terry pointed out this morning that my last post here was not only several days ago, but was also a post in which I insinuated that if there were no further posts, er, I was probably dead. Whoops.
Well, I’m not dead, although thanks for the massive outpouring of anxiety, folks! I’m just lazy busy. Also, The Voice hasn’t spoken again since, and if I can’t give you tales of mysterious voices which speak in my bedroom, then what can I give you? Absolutely nothing has happened recently. It’s just been all work and no play, and you know what that makes Amber, right? Yes, it makes her a CHUNKY MONKEY. I know this because someone very kindly left a comment on The Fashion Police to that effect this morning. The full text of the comment read:
“That dress looks like all ur faces! Don’t hate the player hate the game! Ur chunky monkeys! “
Geniuses walk amongst us, folks, they really do. And just imagine, there’s a dress in the world that looks like ALL my faces! Wow! Not just one of my faces, ALL of them! And I are a chunky monkey – sorry, monkeys, plural, whee!
Another excellent comment from today, this time concerning one of my “Ugly Prom Dress” posts:
“naw aint no way in hell she must was on drugs or something need to kill herself asap”””thats sad a hot mess omg omg omg omg omgll”’
Omg omg omg omg omg, indeed! Because a bad dress is totally good reason to kill yourself, “naw”? ASAP!
After some consultation with my Twitter followers, I have decided to give this bizarre type of English used by tween blog commenters a name. I am going to call it “Blinglish” – the type of English used in blog comments. And, having named it, I am now adding it to my list of Things I Would Ban If I Ruled the World. A further example of “Blinglish” can be found here, incidentally).
I’m quite liking being a Chunky Monkey, though.
If you listen very carefully, you can just about hear the sounds of the English language crying itself to sleep…
It's a sad, sad day for it, to be sure. And I suspect we haven' even seen the worst of it yet!
I would just like to know how these oh-so-special people find you!
<abbr>Tracey´s last blog post..Stuff and things</abbr>
God only knows. It's always been the same, though – if there's an idiot in the world, I can guarantee they'll find me sooner or later!
I love the overuse of quotation marks. What does double quotation marks mean?
<abbr>Kristabella´s last blog post..House Hunting = EPIC STRESS</abbr>
Dear God almighty woman! I've been holding a vigil for 5 damn days now!!!
<abbr>Leslie´s last blog post..November 27, 1994 to January 27, 2009</abbr>
I've been thinking, could we create some sort of a wiki style site where bloggers can post the comments they've received from stoopid peole? The ones that use blingish to the excess and/or generally abuse the blogger? I know we all get them, and they're usually quite frankly hilarious!
For example, yesterday I received a comment on a blog post I wrote in December asking why my posts were like a month behind…
<abbr>Caroline´s last blog post..Descisions</abbr>
*Splutter* That's a classic – what idiots people can be! I think a Wiki site would be a great idea, and make hilarious reading. I'm totally starting to save up examples…
I laughed at both of those people. Why are the people that leave hate comments always the ones that sound least intellegent? Bahaha chunky monkeys. I want someone to call me chunky monkeys. Plural.