Terry pointed out this morning that my last post here was not only several days ago, but was also a post in which I insinuated that if there were no further posts, er, I was probably dead. Whoops.

Well, I’m not dead, although thanks for the massive outpouring of anxiety, folks!  I’m just lazy busy. Also, The Voice hasn’t spoken again since, and if I can’t give you tales of mysterious voices which speak in my bedroom, then what can I give you? Absolutely nothing has happened recently. It’s just been all work and no play, and you know what that makes Amber, right? Yes, it makes her a CHUNKY MONKEY. I know this because someone very kindly left a comment on The Fashion Police to that effect this morning. The full text of the comment read:

“That dress looks like all ur faces! Don’t hate the player hate the game! Ur chunky monkeys! “

Geniuses walk amongst us, folks, they really do.  And just imagine, there’s a dress in the world that looks like ALL my faces! Wow! Not just one of my faces, ALL of them! And I are a chunky monkey – sorry, monkeys, plural, whee!

Another excellent comment from today, this time concerning one of my “Ugly Prom Dress” posts:

“naw aint no way in hell she must was on drugs or something need to kill herself asap”””thats sad a hot mess omg omg omg omg omgll”’

Omg omg omg omg omg, indeed! Because a bad dress is totally good reason to kill yourself, “naw”? ASAP!

After some consultation with my Twitter followers, I have decided to give this bizarre type of English used by tween blog commenters a name. I am going to call it “Blinglish” – the type of English used in blog comments. And, having named it, I am now adding it to my list of Things I Would Ban If I Ruled the World.  A further example of “Blinglish” can be found here, incidentally).

I’m quite liking being a Chunky Monkey, though.

  1. I've been thinking, could we create some sort of a wiki style site where bloggers can post the comments they've received from stoopid peole? The ones that use blingish to the excess and/or generally abuse the blogger? I know we all get them, and they're usually quite frankly hilarious!

    For example, yesterday I received a comment on a blog post I wrote in December asking why my posts were like a month behind…

    <abbr>Caroline´s last blog post..Descisions</abbr>

    1. *Splutter* That's a classic – what idiots people can be! I think a Wiki site would be a great idea, and make hilarious reading. I'm totally starting to save up examples…

  2. I laughed at both of those people. Why are the people that leave hate comments always the ones that sound least intellegent? Bahaha chunky monkeys. I want someone to call me chunky monkeys. Plural.

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