Radiant Red

A few weeks ago, I started using a new hair conditioner. It’s called ‘Radiant Red’ and as the name suggests, it’s made especially for us redheads. (And very good it is too, by the way: you should totally buy it. Unless, of course, you don’t actually have red hair, in which case that would be a bit silly.)

Anyway. The conditioner is called “Radiant Red” and trust me, this is not a reference to how my hair looks after I’ve used it, but a reference to what the conditioner itself looks like. It is red. Oh so very red! Radiant red, you could say. Or you could just say, “Oh my holy hell, I wish I hadn’t bought white towels now. And a white bathroom suite.” Because trust me, this stuff gets absolutely everywhere. One thing I’ve learned about myself since I’ve been using it is that I apparently flick my head around like a demented person when I’m in the shower. (WHY?) I know this because every time I use the conditioner, the bathroom ends up looking like THAT scene from Psycho. GOD.

Luckily, the stuff washes off.  Not so luckily, I am the person who has to wash it off, which I guess is only fair, really, given that I’m the one doing all the head flicking.

So, yesterday I decided to have a shower while Terry headed out to walk the dog.  I thought this was quite cunning of me, because not only did it get me out of having to be outside, where it is cold, it also gave me a good excuse for not answering the phone while Terry was out. Or, indeed, the door.

The postman arrived at the door with a package for me while I was in the shower. I didn’t even hear him knock, on account of how Rubin wasn’t there to throw a complete fit at the sound of someone walking up the driveway, so I continued to merrily apply my RADIANT RED conditioner to my hair, in blissful ignorance of the fact that there was now a package waiting for me. So the postman took the package to our neighbour, and a few minutes later Terry arrived home, let Rubin into the house and then headed over to our neighbour’s house to collect the package.

For reasons that still aren’t clear to me, he did not take his keys with him when he did this. So the door closed behind him, and locked, forcing him to knock to gain re-entry.

I, meanwhile, was still in the shower, still coated in RADIANT RED, and still completely unaware that all this had happened. So when Terry knocked on the door and Rubin started a hysterical barking in response to this, I was confused. Apparently Rubin was home, but Terry was not? Had Rubin made his OWN way home from his walk then, and somehow let himself into the house? What had happened to Terry? And why was Rubin barking hysterically? Was it… OH MY GOD… could it be that something had happened to Terry while out walking, and Rubin was, at this very moment, trying to get me to follow him to the scene of the accident, where I would no doubt find Terry stuck down a well, calling feebly for help while his faithful hound raced home for reinforcements?

Well, no. Terry had just locked himself out, and so it was that I was forced to abandon my lovely warm shower and run the naked gauntlet of the freezing cold house, scattering RADIANT RED as I went, in order to let him in. By the time I got back to the bathroom it literally looked like a massacre had just taken place. The walls were splattered with RED.  The floor was splattered with RED.  The ceiling? RED. (HOW?) The bath? Filled with a pool of RED, that I swear to God, looked exactly like blood. Seriously, I am still amazed at how far that stuff goes. I’m still finding bits of it now, every time I go in there. And I really wish I had thought to take a photo at the time but clearly I’d more pressing matters to deal with at the time, so all I have to show for The Incident is this:

The Afterbath

The Afterbath

They were on the floor of the bathroom as I swept by them, and the photo actually doesn’t do justice to the sheer amount of RED I had to clear up. You’ll just have to take my word for it.

Oh, and that package Terry went to collect for me? Contained two more bottles of the RADIANT RED. I’m not even joking.


27 Comments

  • Andrea says:

    OMG Amber, I'm experiencing similar shower/headflicking issues since using semiperminent crimson glow dye in my hair. I didn't realize semipermanent meant a little bit of dye gets ALL OVER YOUR SHOWER every time.

    <abbr>Andrea´s last blog post..Gallery: The Critics Choice Awards</abbr>

  • Hilary says:

    This is hilarious and also slightly bizarre: Does the RADIANT RED wash out of the towels? Does it stain clothes- for example if you used it, dried your hair, wore a white sweater and then got caught in the rain, would it stain the sweater? Also: Does the company make products for blondes and brunettes, too? Wow, that was a lot of questions, sorry!

    <abbr>Hilary´s last blog post..Timeline</abbr>

    • Amber says:

      Oh, don't worry, I could talk about my hair disasters all day! Yes, it does come out of the towels – or it always has so far, anyway! And it doesn't stain anything else (well, other than the grout around the bathroom tiles, which is looking a bit pink in places). Actually, it doesn't normally even stain the towels either, only when I haven't taken the time to rinse it out really thoroughly:)

      Oh, and yes, there is a version which is SHIMMERING BLONDE and one which is GLOSSY BRUNETTE too!

  • Hayley says:

    Is this the John Frieda color collection? I used to use the Radiant Red…but they don't sell it at Target anymore : ( Just the blonde and brunette…though being a sort of auburn, I suppose I could use the brunette. Meh.

    <abbr>Hayley´s last blog post..Stompin' At The Savoy</abbr>

    • Amber says:

      It's actually a brand called Botanics which is by Boots – I know Target sells some of the Boots ranges, but I'm not sure if they do this one… I've tried the John Frieda 'Radiant Red' too, though and this is basically the same, but cheaper!

  • Terry says:

    When you answered the door you looked like Carrie.

  • Oh my god, how bizarre! The red on the towels is really creepy. And pink grout? I think I would be tossing fitfully at night, haunted by it. Also: I have white towels in the bathroom. NEVER AGAIN.

    <abbr>Amanda Nicole´s last blog post..small graces: day 9</abbr>

    • Amber says:

      Freaky, aren't they? I am totally amazed by how far this stuff travels but on the plus side, if I ever need to fake a murder scene (you know, as you do…) I'll be sorted!

    • Amber says:

      Also, if you look closely, you can see a footprint in the RED. I'm actually creeped out myself now, and it was ME that did it!

  • Amy says:

    Oooh I've done that, but with BLUE conditioner for blonde hair. And, come to think of it, with fake tan lotion. I think red would be a bit more shocking.

    • Amber says:

      There's BLUE conditioner?! I had no idea! I hate to think of the mess I could make with that! Fake tan is definitely the worst though – it really DOESN'T come off…

      • Lucy says:

        I used to have blue hair, for about a year, and believe me, blue is no ordinary hair dye – it's evil! It doesn't wash out of anything and it permenantly stains tiles, baths, showers, skin etc. I also used blue conditioner with some of the dye in it – there were plenty of hair -flicking disasters to be had!

  • Lila says:

    that's a classic…omg..

  • Mhairi says:

    How funny.

    I wonder if it is the same for guys? I always end up with the shower door covered with shampoo and conditioner, even when I face away from the door and everything. Not sure how I manage it.

    <abbr>Mhairi´s last blog post..Day 1…</abbr>

    • Amber says:

      Lol, tell me about it! When we were in Tenerife, the shower had a curtain rather than a screen and every time I was in the shower it would try to wrap itself around my body. I was absolutely paranoid about getting RADIANT RED on it and causing the maids to assume we'd killed someone and hidden the body…

  • sarah says:

    I also use some scary conditioner for red hair – you have to wear protective gloves to apply it! And there are red stains on the rental property bath now!

    The lengths we go to.

  • Gemma says:

    Ah, I know this problem wel! I have made the mistake of investing in purple shampooand a white bathmat. Didn't realise until I lifted said bathmat just how bright the purple IS.

    My hair smells like parma violets, so I cope.

    <abbr>Gemma´s last blog post..A fashion interlude</abbr>

  • I went to visit my friend in MN like the day after I got my hair colored. And she had white towels. And I felt so bad because remnants of my hair coloring ended up on her pristine towels. Thankfully she's a hair dyer as well, so she understood. But I still felt like an ass.

    <abbr>Kristabella´s last blog post..Frankie Says Relax</abbr>

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>