Terry and I are both sleep talkers. As you can imagine, this has led to some fun times in our house of an evening, and it’s weird because we can go for months without saying a word, and then all of a sudden we’re both Chatty McChatterson, talking non-stop, and none of it making sense.

My favourite sleep talking episode? That would be the time a couple of years ago when Terry was woken one night by the sound of my hysterical laughter. When he asked me just what the hell was so funny at 4am, all he could get out of me was the immortal line:

“There’s a puppet on my hand! And the bird is trying to get it!”

Now, Pepe le Parrot was staying with us at the time of this utterance, which may well explain the reference to “the bird”, but as for the puppet on my hand? No idea. Don’t even want to know, to be honest. Terry did manage to get me back a few nights later, though, when I woke up to find him patting my nose. “Good dog,” he said when I opened my eyes, “You’re a good dog…”

As insulting as that was, it was actually LESS insulting than the time I woke up to find him staring at me in abject horror. When I spoke to ask him what his problem was, he shrieked like a girl, and later explained, “I thought you were a log. I couldn’t believe it when you moved…” In Terry’s defence, his talking mostly happened when he was on dialysis, and we reckon all the various medications and chemicals in his blood combined to create the perfect conditions for a good old Sleep Talkin’. Dunno what my excuse is, though.

Anyway, it so happens that we’re currently going through a McChatty period in our lives, which was marked last week by two episodes in the one night. Mine was just your regular, run-of-the-mill “Oh my God, there’s a spider on the ceiling and it’s totally going to crawl into my mouth any second!” sleep talk.  (Note: there wasn’t.) Terry, however, managed to score a personal best by shaking me awake to say – with a great deal of excitement and a small amount of self-importance, I might  add – “There’s a melting coming! And when the melting comes? We will follow it!”

I’m hoping that was just nonsense and not, you know, a premonition. But just in case you believe in these kind of things, let me be the first to warn you about THE MELTING. It is coming, people. You’re welcome.

  1. I’m not sure if mine tops it, but my hubby woke me one nite to say ‘Who the f**k do you think you are, Tom Cruise?’

    To this day I burst into laughter at the thought of that nite. We are ALL big sleep talkers in my house, including my son, who has came out with some random things, mostly centred round playing the PS2. I try to wake him, and he says he has to save it first, and the like.

    Actually, I wonder is it hereditary?

  2. I said in my sleep once "I have left my knickers round the corner".

    Stern-faced, arms crossed boyfriend when I woke up! No idea what I was talking about!

  3. Thank you and Terry for the warning about The Melting. It's nice to get a tip once in a while!

    Dave is a sleep talker once in a while, and when we were first living together he would give me acting advice in his sleep (he's the actor, not me). But he'd always leave me hanging with stern advice like, "Now, the thing about acting is…" I never did find out what the thing about acting is.

    <abbr>Amanda Nicole´s last blog post..small graces: day 17</abbr>

  4. During college, my roommate asked me, rather indignantly just what I dreamed the night before. It appears that after we watched a stupid TV movie that really wasn’t that scary (but freaked me out), I woke her up with my sleeptalking. Apparently, I was using a belligerent tone and called her name until she woke. When she answered me, I told her in a “mean” voice:

    “You just better watch out, cause I could kill someone in, like, two seconds.”

    My roomie said she slept with one eye open the rest of the night, but miraculously, she didn’t move out the next day in search of a NORMAL roommate. I still think about that, 15 years later, and wonder if perhaps I should consider counseling.

      1. Come to Texas, my pretty. Come to Texas.

        (Seriously, I have laughed insanely over these posts. This has been so much fun!)

  5. Wow, I'm so glad you guys warned us about The Melting! I dread to think what might of happened had we not been pre-warned! I'm gonna keep a close eye out for any strange melting type events now, don't you worry….

    That's the funniest thing I've read all day!

    By the way, we are sleep talkers in this house aswell, and sleep walkers. Once when I was younger I actually (for reasons unknown) rolled up a big rug from my bedroom floor, dragged it down the stairs and silently presented it to my mum and dad on the middle of their front room, before walking straight back upstairs and getting back into my bed. I still have no idea why I would do such a random act, but it kept my parents amused for years afterwards lol.

    <abbr>Becky´s last blog post..Members Only by Leonie Fox</abbr>

  6. That is the funniest thing ever! I find sleep talkers hilarious for some odd reason. Like people falling.

    My roommate in college was a sleep talker, mostly mumbling, and one time she shot up and said "We have to go see, go see….the little people." And then went right back to bed.

    My sister talks too. She would have conversations out loud and it was irritating because you could only hear her side of the conversation, like she was on the phone.

    <abbr>Kristabella´s last blog post..Something Else To Blame On My Crappy Dentist</abbr>

  7. 😀 That’s brilliant! Also appreciate the heads up on THE MELTING! It’s better to be safe than sorry.
    I don’t sleep-talk but my sister does. When she was a kid she would sleep-*yell* – I’d go to the loo in the middle of the night, and as I passed her room to go back to bed she would bellow at me in her sleep. It was absolutely terrifying. According to her partner she still sleep-talks, but he can’t work out what she’s saying. Still, at least she’s stopped yelling.
    I, on the other hand, have exhibited the completely normal and in no way alarming phenomenon of sleeping with my eyes open on more than one occasion. It once happened on school camp and my tent-mates started panicking because they thought I was dead. Fun times!

  8. Thanks for the heads up on The Melting.

    I usually don’t talk in my sleep unless something outside my own head disturbs me. Once when me and my boyfriend were in a hotel, someone came knocking on the door and I yelled “Come in!” fortunately the door was locked and the mysterious visitor had to come back and knock again many more times and every time I just yelled “Come in!” through my sleep.

    Another time my boyfriend had a whole conversation with me before I mumbled “Be quiet, Feike is asleep.”

  9. This made me properly LOL!

    Last week I was sleeping next to somebody I really didn’t wish to embarrass myself in front of, and told them in my sleep that “there’s a little girl with purple hair and she’s killing everyone!”. Look out for her, as well as the melting…!

    Sally´s last blog post..

  10. What an awesome post! And the replies… 😀

    I, as far as I know, am not a sleep talker. I do, however, seem to be a sleep hitter in that I have literally kicked and punched people out of bed without knowing it (I have alienated two of three sisters from ever sharing with me on vacations that way). Perhaps they were stealing the covers?

  11. My brother and I are both sleep talkers, I don’t think I ever say anything interesting, but my brother does. I had to share a bunk bed with my brother once, he was on the top bunk, me on the bottom. Middle of the night he woke me up going “Do horses eat hay?” I thought this was an insane thing to ask but I answered that they do. He goes back to sleep and about 30 minutes later I hear him talking “What about cows? Do they eat hay too? I’m going to go ask the farmer.”
    I asked him the next morning what he was talking about and why didn’t he know what cows and horses ate, and he didn’t remember asking any of it.

    I sleep hit as well, and throw things in my sleep. I’ve punched my sister in the face before, and there’s many times I’ll wake up with pillows clear across the room. Whoever I end up with is going to have a hard time sleeping next to me!

  12. I’ve just remembered a really funny sleep-talking incident involving my younger brother.

    He must have been about 7 or 8 at the time. He was sleeping in my Mum and Dad’s room at the time (not entirely sure why…), and apparently sat bolt up right and started to sing ‘Oh I do like to be beside the seaside’, and then promptly went straight back to sleep.

    He’s an odd one, is my brother….

    My lovely OH caused much amusment, when he mumbled at me to ‘check the DVD running time’.

    No. I’m not sure why either. It was 3am in the morning. And were definitely not watching any DVDs!

  13. I have been known to talk, sing, and walk in my sleep, but generally only when out of town, for some reason. Also, lots of laughing in my sleep.

    My grandma used to tell a story where I was sleeping on the floor beside her bed one night and I sat up, sang "I'm Singin' In the Rain," waited for applause, then laid back down.

    My brother also talks and walks in his sleep…the first time I noticed this we were sharing a room for a couple months; he was about 5 or 6 at the time. He started walking around the room in circles, touching the doorknob each time around. After a while, I opened the door for him and he walked into the hallway and started urinating on the wall. Ever since then, his sleepwalking has unfortunately included peeing in some place other than the toilet, including someone's stereo system.

    <abbr>Hayley´s last blog post..Got Blood In My Eyes For You…</abbr>

  14. Years ago, when I was living at home, I remember laughing at my Dad after he woke my mum up by saying "sssssshhhh… you'll wake the meeces." They had a very long discussion about 'meeces' and why they didn't want to be woken. Now, whenever I get a bit tipsy with my mum we always giggle about it. Which my dad doesn't like very much. So we do it more.

    I don't talk in my sleep much, but my goodness I'm a jumper. One minute I'm all sleepy sleepy and the next minute I'll punch you right in the face. Crazy muscle spasm, I swear. Hurts apparently.

    I also, sometimes wake myself up laughing. It only happens every now and again, but when it does, it's FABULOUS and I'm in a great mood for the rest of the morning.

    <abbr>Siany´s last blog post..<a href="http://www.sianyland.com/$blog/2009/01/19/im_like_cat_here_a_noname_slob_we_belong_to_nobody_and_nobody_belongs_to_us_we_dont_even_bel&quot; rel="nofollow">“I'm like cat here, a no-name slob. We belong to nobody, and nobody belongs to us. We don't even belong to each other.”</abbr>

  15. Well, seems necessary to join in. I refer to the immortal:

    Paul: “There’s a line of c***s outside.”
    Me: “What do you want me to do about it?”
    Paul: “Nothing, just thought you ought to know.”

    Husband’s – early warning systems!

    Toni´s last blog post..She’s A Killer… Princess.

  16. And I thought I had some crazy stories. You lot are just as bad 🙂 Thankfully Amber saved me the embarrassment by missing out my most craziest drug induced stories, phew!

  17. I did literally laugh out loud at this post 😀

    Honestly…I'm still trying to catch my breath and stop my eyes from watering.

  18. Over this past summer my friend and I shared a room for a little while, as she wasn't have the best of times with her parents. I awoke one morning to find her sitting up in bed, and when I asked why she was up (it was 7am) she told me she hadn't been able to fall back asleep after I had given her an early morning news flash.

    Some time around 6.15am I had whacked her repeatedly until she opened her eyes, where I then spat out "(C)antelopes. Beware." To this day we don't know if I said cantelope or antelope, as neither had entered my frame of mind for a good while, but thanks to my forewarning, we have been able to sidestep any injury or the fruit or mammal variety.

  19. I am not a habitual sleep talker/walker. So it was really strange that I WALKED into my parents' room in the middle of the night, shook my mom awake, and told her, "I am going to die in the morning. Be brave." and then went back to my bed to sleep like the dead. I woke up to a near hysterical mom keeping vigil over me.

  20. I once woke up to being whacked on the bum by my boyfriend, who was repeating the words "Good cushion!". He claims he was asleep, he looked asleep, but I do wonder if he was faking.

  21. I remember a friend in high school, who’s bedroom used to be directly across the hallway from her brother’s.

    Apparently they used to have coherent conversations across the hall while they were both asleep.

    My brother used to sleeptalk as well when he was younger. One now infamous line that he yelled out one night “Not the EMU!”

  22. I'm not sure how much or if I talk in my sleep now but when I was a little kid, my dad would come in my room to say bye on his way to work and he says I would answer questions but I never remembered doing it.

  23. I just laughed my ass off. Now I can’t find it anymore, gee thanks 😉

    No really, this is the funniest thing I’ve read in days.
    I am a sleep talker as well and on the German Facebook equivalent there’s a group that is all about sleep talking, it’s hilarious!!!
    I once woke up to my own voice saying: “There are spiders and crabs in my hot dog!” (I’m not afraid of crustaceans though, I have to add, well at least not in a significant way).
    And my absolute fav of sleep talk, a friend sitting up in her bed in the middle of night shouting: “Nicht mit mir, Videomensch!” (~ Not on my watch, Videoman!) Whoever this guy is! 😀

    Nina´s last blog post..Heartbreak Hotel

  24. I had a sleep-talking dorm mate in college. It would usually manifest whenever she had a test coming up, I think it was anxiety related. She would bolt upright in the middle of the night and mumble something at me. I wouldn't be able to understand her so I'd say "What?" She would mumble again, usually on the third try she would get really mad and perfectly clearly SHOUT a question at me – something along the lines of, "I SAID, do you think we have a test in the morning??" (we didn't have any classes together) I would reassure her that there was no test, and she'd calmly say, "Oh, OK" and then lay down and resume sleeping. She never remembered a thing.

  25. I was a sleep chatter too, and demanded "make the cake". As my requests became more insistent he had to respond to the demand "Make that blue cake" with a "Right oh" before I stopped. On another occasion I asked "So you want to be a movie star?" and that line became a favourite saying in our house for years. The melting sounds interesting – if anything develops I will let you know. Myra

  26. Hilarious! I talk in sleep sometimes, usually when very stressed and sleep deprived. Most notable was boyfriend came into the room and asked if I had class and I screamed that "All the spaghetti has been frozen into cubes". No idea where that gem came from.

  27. Hmmm. The melting you say? Follow it you say? What is this melting? Quite a mystery on our hands… Maybe he's referring to global warming and what it's doing to the iceburgs?

  28. Hi

    My name is Reuben Mychaleckyj. I am producing a film with my friend and we are looking for sleep talkers to take part.

    If you could get back to me that would be great

    Thanks for your time

    Reuben & Datch

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