I Am Not a Shop. Seriously.

On Friday, a very disturbing email flooded in:

—–Original Message—–
From: Tights With Flip-Flops Woman 
Sent: 27 February 2009 16:45
To: Amber, Finder of Everything
Subject: tights for flip flops

I have a friend who has “problem feet” and wonder if you could supply tights for her to wear flip flops.

Then there was a phone number for me to call with news of the tights-for-flip-flops.

Now, straight away, I can see two problems with this:

1. I AM NOT A SHOP. No, seriously, I’m going to say this again, because the message is clearly not getting through: NOT. A. SHOP. Over the past few weeks there’s been a dramatic increase, not only in the “where can I buy the Topshop dress you featured three years ago?” emails, but in the “I want to buy your [insert product here], when can I get it?” stuff. Honestly. I mean, I’m no brainiac myself, but surely it’s not THAT hard to figure out that TheFashionPolice.net is… wait for it… NOT A SHOP? Apparently not.

2 .  If I WAS a shop, I would not be selling these:


(Picture via this post which, you may notice, contains a link to the website selling them. Which is not run by me, needless to say.)

Now, I know about Tabi, and I know this unfortunate woman whose friend emailed me has “problem feet” which apparently make tights-with-flip-flops the only option (WHAT IS THIS CONDITION?), so I will say no more about this other than that the thought of actually wearing those individual nylon “toes” bothers me for reasons I can’t quite articulate. But moving on…

I replied to the tights-seeker, and I told her that no, I can’t supply tights for flip-flops, because I do not have a shop. And she replied:

“can I order on line?

Do you have any tights with a part for a flip flop”

And then I took out the gun I keep under my desk and I shot myself in the head.  Because almost every day now there is some variation of this exchange.  Almost every day.  I spend so much of my time having to spell out to people that no, I do not sell anything, I just write about stuff, that I’m actually thinking I may as well start selling stuff. I mean, I seem to have a ready-made customer base waiting for me, if only I could find out where to bulk-buy tights-for-flip-flops and dresses from three years ago.

(Note: not an invitation to contact me offering job lots of Toe Tights).