I Am Not a Shop. Seriously.

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On Friday, a very disturbing email flooded in:

—–Original Message—–
From: Tights With Flip-Flops Woman 
Sent: 27 February 2009 16:45
To: Amber, Finder of Everything
Subject: tights for flip flops

I have a friend who has “problem feet” and wonder if you could supply tights for her to wear flip flops.
 

Then there was a phone number for me to call with news of the tights-for-flip-flops.

Now, straight away, I can see two problems with this:

1. I AM NOT A SHOP. No, seriously, I’m going to say this again, because the message is clearly not getting through: NOT. A. SHOP. Over the past few weeks there’s been a dramatic increase, not only in the “where can I buy the Topshop dress you featured three years ago?” emails, but in the “I want to buy your [insert product here], when can I get it?” stuff. Honestly. I mean, I’m no brainiac myself, but surely it’s not THAT hard to figure out that TheFashionPolice.net is… wait for it… NOT A SHOP? Apparently not.

2 .  If I WAS a shop, I would not be selling these:

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(Picture via this post which, you may notice, contains a link to the website selling them. Which is not run by me, needless to say.)

Now, I know about Tabi, and I know this unfortunate woman whose friend emailed me has “problem feet” which apparently make tights-with-flip-flops the only option (WHAT IS THIS CONDITION?), so I will say no more about this other than that the thought of actually wearing those individual nylon “toes” bothers me for reasons I can’t quite articulate. But moving on…

I replied to the tights-seeker, and I told her that no, I can’t supply tights for flip-flops, because I do not have a shop. And she replied:

“can I order on line?

Do you have any tights with a part for a flip flop”

And then I took out the gun I keep under my desk and I shot myself in the head.  Because almost every day now there is some variation of this exchange.  Almost every day.  I spend so much of my time having to spell out to people that no, I do not sell anything, I just write about stuff, that I’m actually thinking I may as well start selling stuff. I mean, I seem to have a ready-made customer base waiting for me, if only I could find out where to bulk-buy tights-for-flip-flops and dresses from three years ago.

(Note: not an invitation to contact me offering job lots of Toe Tights).

Gah.

Hi, I'm Amber. I'm a full-time fashion/shoe blogger from the UK, and this is the story of my life, my clothes, and the International Man of Mystery Next Door. You can read more from me at my other blogs, The Fashion Police and Shoeperwoman.

14 Comments

  • Reply March 2, 2009

    Amanda Nicole

    It's totally her and not her "friend" who has the mysterious foot problem.

    <abbr>Amanda Nicole´s last blog post..free verse Monday</abbr>

    • Reply March 3, 2009

      Amber

      It does seem that way, doesn't it?

  • Reply March 2, 2009

    Jorge Vicente

    it's more a "head" problem than a foot problem.

    • Reply March 3, 2009

      Amber

      Well, I'm inclined to think so, because I just can't imagine what kind of foot condition would make that the ONLY option: I mean, surely there must be SOME other kind of shoe/sock combination that would work? Also, flip-flops aren't exactly the best choice of footwear for "problem feet" anyway…

  • Reply March 2, 2009

    Diane

    You have two choices: 1. start taking orders, run off with the money and start a new life in Florida. 2. Ignore them. Do you have Gmail? You could make a 'toe tights' filter and you never need read another crazee email again. Maybe…

    <abbr>Diane´s last blog post..big-birthday girl</abbr>

    • Reply March 3, 2009

      Amber

      I'm liking the "take the money and run" option :)

      Sadly, they can't be filtered, because no sooner would I create the "toe tights" filter than they'd hit me with a "River Island dress from 2007" question and it'd be back to square one!

      • Reply March 3, 2009

        Diane

        That's the trouble I guess – you can never predict the crazy! At least it gives you something to blog about, though…

        <abbr>Diane´s last blog post..big-birthday girl</abbr>

  • Reply March 3, 2009

    Louise

    yuk, toe tights, what mad creature invented those! Who wears tights/stocking with flop flops/sandals/thongs anyway?

    • Reply March 3, 2009

      Amber

      Some people do it for cultural reasons, because they don't like to show their toes, but the ones in question were being sold in the US as fashion items. Which just makes me shudder.

  • Reply March 3, 2009

    Erin

    You get the weirdest requests. I'd just delete, delete, delete! :)

    <abbr>Erin´s last blog post..Me-me-me-meeeeeee!</abbr>

    • Reply March 3, 2009

      Amber

      I know, it's like I have some kind of beacon guiding them towards me!

      I normally do just delete: I have a strict policy of "if you can't be bothered to read the post you're contacting me about/write in basic English/show at least some manners, I can't be bothered to reply to you." Harsh, but I could seriously spend all day replying to these emails. The last time I ignored someone, though, she started just re-forwarding me the same email, at five minute intervals. Because that's not annoying!

  • Reply March 4, 2009

    Rock Hyrax

    I expect you also don't know where that book is that Amazon said had been despatched to my mother early last week… ;-}

  • Reply April 1, 2009

    Ivy

    Hey Amber!

    I came across your blog via Shoewawa and I just wanted to say this post made me laugh so hard because I've had many experiences with those kind of people. Those separated-toe-legging thingies also creep me out! :/

    <abbr>Ivy´s last blog post..Bebe Knock-Offs</abbr>

    • Reply April 1, 2009

      Amber

      Ah, I'm glad it's not just me – I can't stand the thought of stuff between my toes like that!

      Thanks for the comment :)

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