Ol’ Scabby McScabberson

[Important Disclaimer: I wrote this post in a misguided attempt to be funny. Almost all of the posts I've ever written on this site are supposed to be entertaining. I don't actually care about the "scabby lips" comment, and I would've thought that was obvious, but judging by the first two comments on this post, apparently not, and apparently people are reading this post and thinking I'm all angst-ridden about it. I'm not. It was supposed to be light-hearted - I found these two photos at the weekend and thought they would make an amusing follow-up to my post last week. I'm a bit blown-away by the fact that people are reading it as anything other than that, to be honest, but there you go.]

That ‘Bitchy McBicherston’ post? That was all, “No scabby lips here, folks, move along now, nothing to see!”?

Yeah, you’re right: it was a clear case of The Blogger Doth Protest Too Much. I was hoping to throw you all off the scent and make you forget about my scabby lips, because it’s true, folks: I have, at various times in my life, had “like scabs”. And I’m SO TIRED OF ALL THE LIES!

Exhibit A:

mini-me

Taken back when we used to live on the ranch. Man, how them prairie dogs used to howl! AOOoooOOO!

Now, you can’t really see it too well, but that? Is a Like Scab. On my lip. Yes, it’s true! This was my nursery school (kindergarten) picture, and from this point on, it just got worse. Much worse. Witness:

Exhibit 2:

mini-me-2

(oh, shush. I was “growing into myself”.)

Aside: as well as revealing that I do, indeed, have Like Scabs on my lips, this has also been a useful excercise in proving to myself why I should never, ever get a fringe, ever again. Because I do That Thing? That Thing with the mussing of the fringe? And the creation of a Gateway Through the Fringe, a Portal to Another Dimension, perhaps? And every single time the school photographer was due to take our photos, my mother would see me off to school in the morning and she would BEG me to please brush my fringe before the photo was taken. She would BEG me. Sometimes my teachers would grab me as I exited the classroom en route to the photographer’s room, hold me down and BRUSH MY HAIR. But it was all in vain, because just as the shutter on the camera was about to close, I would reach up and I would MUSS IT ALL UP and create a Gateway. And there was absolutely nothing anyone could do about it.

Not that it really mattered, though. Not with the GIANT SCAB on my lip. The GIANT SCAB that would appear every single time we had school photographs taken, and I am not joking. Every. Single. Time.

This proud tradition of Having a Cold Sore During Every School Photograph was one I carried all the way through to university, and, indeed, to the day I graduated. Our graduation ball was the night before the ceremony itself, and I, of course, had spent many a long night or year planning what I would wear. When I was in first year at university I lived in Halls of Residence, which was where I met my friend Stephanie. They rent out rooms in these halls during the holidays, and Stephanie and I thought it would be fun to see if we could stay in our old rooms on the night of the ball. The University were happy to comply with this request, so on the day of the ball we checked in, had lunch etc, and then headed off to our respective rooms to get ready for the Big Night.

Our other friend, Morag, wasn’t going to the ball, but she decided to keep me company while I got ready, so we went up to the room and I headed off to the shower while Morag hung out in the room. I still don’t know what happened that day. I went into the shower looking normal. Well, as normal as it gets for me. The second I stepped out of the bathroom, though, Morag took one look at me and gave an almighty shriek. “WHAT’S THAT ON YOUR LIP?!” she said. And without even looking, I knew.  I knew it was “Like Scabs”. The Coldsore O’Doom. It had returned for a final fling, and I don’t know how it did it, but somehow it had managed to burst from my lip and grow to its full size WHILE I WAS IN THE SHOWER.

Which is actually quite impressive when you think about it.

Of course, there was absolutely nothing I could do to disguise the Like Scab that night, and that’s why there are no photos of me at my graduation ball. Luckily it had gone down enough by the next morning that I was able to slap some concealer on it to make sure that it didn’t make an appearance in my graduation photos. (It didn’t really matter, though, because I managed to close my eyes/look drunk in almost every single one of them.)

The only slight surprise in all of this was that it was Like Scabs that ruined my graduation ball, and not a Second Head. I had been expecting a Second Head, you see, so the Like Scab was a surprise, and not a welcome one.

In the years that have passed since then, the Second Head HAS managed to surpass the Like Scabs as the main Harbinger O’Doom in my life, so I HAD hoped my reputation as Ol’ Scabby Lips would have died out by now. But I reckoned without Lil’ Bitchy, who has OUTED me, who managed to see right through my smooth-lipped facade and see that here was a girl who had grown up with Like Scabs on her lips.

The truth will set me free.

Hi, I'm Amber. I'm a full-time fashion/shoe blogger from the UK, and this is the story of my life, my clothes, and the International Man of Mystery Next Door. You can read more from me at my other blogs, The Fashion Police and Shoeperwoman, and you can follow me on Bloglovin' here.

41 Comments

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    Amy

    Could you be any more full of yourself? So this woman insulted you. Get over it. There are loads of rude people on the internet. It happens to everyone. Why upset yourself? You’ll only make yourself ill. At the end of the day, peope are dying out there, people are getting out of bed who don’t even want to see another sunrise, and you write a massive long post about scabbed lips? You make me sick.
    .-= Amy´s last blog ..Booking through Thursday =-.

    • Reply July 21, 2009

      Amber

      Wow, Amy, having a bad day, by any chance?

      Just for anyone else thinking the same thing as Amy, I actually intended this post to be humorous, and I (obviously wrongly) assumed that the people who read this blog would have the intelligence to realise that. If not, I would've thought the photoshopped school photos would be a big clue. Again, apparently not. My apologies for writing a lighthearted blog with the intention to entertain people when "people are getting out of bed who don’t even want to see another sunrise". I should obviously be focusing my attention on deep, weighty matters, like Amy writes about on her blog, which seems to be mostly about Chick lit.

      • Reply July 22, 2009

        Lauren

        Hi Amber. I read most of your blogs quite regularly and I enjoy them. I just wanted to say that you shouldn’t bother indulging the people who come on here and insult you. It’s obvious that you are a bright, clever woman and retorting to people like Amy’s comments with an insult (the sarcastic comment about her blog) only serves to encourage such trolls to keep crawling back.

        • Reply July 23, 2009

          Joy

          Just wanted to show some love! I really enjoy reading this blog – it's like a breezy chat with a mate; funny, witty, intelligent, down to earth and totally open hearted.

          I know what it's like to get negative comments and e-mails and it is laughable, lame and ridiculous. (seriously, don't they have anything better to do?)

          Just remember though, for every person who leaves a crappy comment there are a hundred fans who can't wait to read another post. Keep up the good work!
          .-= Joy´s last blog ..Stuck Up =-.

    • Reply July 21, 2009

      Alex

      I think there are three things to say to that.

      1. It’s Amber’s blog – she’s entitled to say whatever she likes on here.

      2. Her writing is hilarious; clearly it is not as big a deal as she’s making it out, but blowing something out of proportion is amusing. Like My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I’m Greek. Greeks aren’t really like that. But they’re a bit like that, so magnifying it makes it funnier. I think I’ve laboured the point here enough now.

      3. If you ‘can’t take it anymore’… why are you still reading?! Let alone wasting your time commenting. It baffles me.

      See, at the end of the day, people are dying out there, people are getting out of bed who don’t even want to see another sunrise, and you write a great big comment about how much you didn’t like reading someone’s blog that hasn’t claimed to be about any of those things?

      Go in peace.
      .-= Alex´s last blog ..Diabetic-friendly orange and almond cupcakes and Rachel Allen’s red velvet cake =-.

    • Reply July 21, 2009

      Melissa

      This blog is called "Forever Amber" and your complaining about Amber talking about herself? Why, exactly, are you even reading this blog? She makes everyday things that happen to her funny. She's a gifted writer and I happen to like the blog. Sometimes you need a diversion to the serious stuff in life.

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    Amy

    PS YOu could lose the obsession with red hair as well. You happen to have red hair – big deal. It looks lovely to me, and if people have a problem with it, that’s their problem. Why go on about it all the friggin time? OMG can’t take any more of it!!!!!
    .-= Amy´s last blog ..Booking through Thursday =-.

    • Reply July 21, 2009

      Amber

      Here’s a suggestion for you Amy: if my blog “makes you sick” to the extent that you have to spew out so much hatred at a complete stranger on the internet, why not just stop reading it? Presumably no one’s forcing you to come here, so why not just hit the back button and move on?

    • Reply July 21, 2009

      Terry

      "OMG can’t take any more of it!!!!!"

      —-

      Good. Don't come back.

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    siany

    Jeez! This is a personal blog! Amber’s allowed to write whatever the hell she likes! If you won’t like it, go and read someone else’s blog! You clearly don’t have anything positive to bring to the conversation here.
    .-= siany´s last blog ..Cocktail Hour: Cuba Libre =-.

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    Claire

    Oh the ironicalness of the internet. You post about getting attacked by someone….so someone else attacks you!

    Ignore the Amys of the world, your blogs make me laugh all the time.

    Plus it’s nice to see other parents played the ‘how can I make my child look as seventies as possible’ game!

    Claire

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    Caroline

    Hilarious post Amber, as always. Had me lolling anyway.

    As for Amy’s comment… *forehead-hand-collision*
    .-= Caroline´s last blog ..Some enchanted evening… =-.

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    Natura

    I don't think I'll comment on the other comments… if I don't like something I just don't read it.

    I will comment is on the last post… hilarious! :D

    Why is it that everytime you HAVE to look good in a picture something happens to either your lips, your hair or your eyes? Is it karma? Murphy's Law?

    Thanks for a wonderful blog Amber.

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    Veronika

    you were so cute when you were little:)
    .-= Veronika´s last blog ..New Hair therapy. =-.

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    Laura

    :D
    You were such a cute kid! I love your red hair and also your fringe! You remind me pretty much of Pippi Longstocking, who was my childhood hero (and still is, I have to admit..)

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    Camilla

    I think you're hilarious, scabby lips, red hair n' all :-) (just in case anyone thinks this is an insult, it's.. oh, whatever). Every single one of your posts makes me laugh. Especially the one where Rubin gets over excited.

    I don't what to say to the weird email. I did laugh though. My bad.
    .-= Camilla´s last blog ..What magazines are missing =-.

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    xony

    That was SO friggin funny! LIKEOMGLMAO!
    Plus, you were absolutely adorable as a kid! Seriously, cute as hell!
    .-= xony´s last blog .._xony: @gafasdelennon weno! ;D pero canta como paquita pues! xD =-.

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    Maz aka MallyMon

    Ah, well, you make me laugh out loud anyhoo! Who is this Amy person? Hasn’t she been rude before? I seem to recall something in the past, sometime… She ‘can’t take any more of it’?! She doesn’t have to! I think she’s a troll.
    Keep on keeping on! xx

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    Kathleen

    Amber, you were a cute kid! And I like knowing that I can visit your blog and it’ll make me laugh, and as others have mentioned, given that the blog is called “Forever Amber,” I expect you to write about yourself. Amy is on crack…

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    Kathleen

    And I totally relate to cold sores popping up at inconvenient times. My cold sores tend to make appearances in Christmas photos. So irritating!

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    Cameron

    Looks like Amy doesn’t get many readers on amy(sad)advertures unless she’s nasty on another blog! No it’s not about readers is it? Amy’s just plain nasty.

    • Reply July 21, 2009

      Amy

      Who are you???? And I get quite a few regular readers, thank you very much. More than I need for a blog that is purely personal. And I only put the link to my blog in because Amber has a "thing" about anonymous postings especially if they're critical. I'm just not ashamed of putting a face to my comments.

      And FYI, chick lit is deep. Period!!!!
      .-= Amy´s last blog ..Booking through Thursday =-.

      • Reply July 22, 2009

        Caroline

        I probably shouldn’t be feeding the troll, but what the hell…

        Amy, I wrote my postgrad publishing dissertation on chick lit. It is funny, light-hearted, socially reflective, empowering, even satirical at times. After all, Austen wrote the original chick lit, and her social satire is untouchable.

        But it is never deep. It’s never supposed to be. The whole point of the genre is shallow easy-read fluff. *Emphasis on the *shallow**
        .-= Caroline´s last blog ..School’s out =-.

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    Amanda Nicole

    I am so glad I have a fellow Scabby Lips. I, too, have fallen prey to the overnight cold sore that manages to ruin class photos and other important dates. I like to name them and be super nice to them, because that's exactly what they don't want. Although there was one school photo where I didn't have a cold sore, so I instead I ran into a door knob (I was door knob height) and gave myself a black eye. Also, how cute are you in that first photo?!
    .-= Amanda Nicole´s last blog ..small graces: part 43 =-.

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    Hayley

    Hot damn, people are rude. And also, joyless, obv.

    When I was little, I used to get sores all throughout my mouth before every choir concert and just in time for every summer holiday. The doc said it was nerves, but it was terribly inconvenient (especially for the singing part). My mom always made me gargle salt water to get rid of them, which generally just made it hurt all the more.
    .-= Hayley´s last blog ..It's a Bittersweet Symphony…wait, no, just sweet right now. =-.

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    JJ

    If Amy is going round the internet making personal attacks on anyone who dares to write about something other than "people dying" etc, then I hope she has a lot of time on her hands. I also hope she attacks her own blog, because it's about books. Does she not realise there are people dying, and all she can do is write long blog posts about books? Disgusting.

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    Caressa

    Hee Hee. I thoroughly enjoyed your post…as I do all of them. When I start grumbling violent things under my breath at work, I know it’s time to pop on over and see what you’ve got going for the day.

    Anyhoo, how does one’s body know when one has an important photographable (I have an English degree and declare it my right to make up words lol) event? I actually made it through my entire wedding scab & zit free, but I had a ginormous glaring red cold sore for all my honeymoon photos. And there was the time I had the giant weeping staph infection on my face, but I had to continue going to work as a bank teller. Looking like I may not have entirely survived the zombie apocalypse. Yes. It was horrifying at the time. But pretty awesome and funny looking back at it now.

  • Reply July 21, 2009

    Amy

    Just had to comment that I love your sense of humor, and THIS Amy gets it.
    .-= Amy´s last blog ..eneriyma: @girlhack As soon as I do it’s yours. How did I get one before you? I got my gmail invite from you… =-.

  • Reply July 22, 2009

    Sophie

    I love your first picture, it’s so cute! This post made me rofl! As for Amy, if she keeps coming back to read the comments, she obviously wanted a reaction, so I wouldn’t worry about her.

  • Reply July 22, 2009

    Andrea

    Aw, you were such a gorgeous little girl! And this post was hilarious. Don't worry about the naysayers, I think the majority of us get your sense of humour.

    I had a Giant Zit for every school photo. And at my wedding. Thank goodness for Photoshop.

    A xx
    .-= Andrea´s last blog ..A digression: 10 reasons why you should not invite me to your Important Family Gathering =-.

  • Reply July 22, 2009

    Sandy

    OMG…the dreaded school photos! I didn’t have scabby lips per se, I used to get the ol’ sore lips that look like your wearing those rubber lips thing. I would like to think my mum would have given me a lip salve but judging by most of my school pics she didn’t!!

    I had a bad hair moment on my school leavers photo. The day before, I assessed my hair and decreed it fine enough for the following days photo. I got up the next day to have the most greasy hair I had ever had in my life. It was like I’d slept in a chip pan. I didn’t have time to wash ‘n’ go so ended up being immortalised with scabby hair forEVAH! I THOUGHT I’d removed all pictoral evidence (I definitely tore up the year group pic…which is actually very stupid as I was just a teeny head in a sea of heads and now I wish I’d kept it to laugh at all the 80s hairdos…but not my greasy one, obv!) but recently my dad went “Ta-DAH!” and brought forth one of THOSE pictures, all on my ownsome with the greasy hair and fuzzy lips.

    *sigh*

    Sorry, obviously this has affected me more than I thought! LOL!

    Keep up the good blogging….scabby lips ‘n’ all!!! (Disclaimer for all Amy types: I do not think Amber has scabby lips issues or any other ones either. I iz yoking!)

  • Reply July 22, 2009

    Becky

    This is one of the only general blogs I actually come back and read on a regular basis, mostly because Amber writes so well and with so much humour, not being afraid to take the mickey out of herself and some of the crazy comments she gets on here! Once again some real laugh out loud moments in that piece and seriously cute piccys. I think we should all have a ‘Post your old school photos’ day on our websites, although mine may just scare away the readers away forever! x Becky
    .-= Becky´s last blog ..Win Moxie Products Worth £45! GG Summer Giveaway! =-.

  • Reply July 22, 2009

    Chesca

    I adore your sense of humor! School pictures never turn out well, at least none of mine ever have. I wanted to encourage you to continue to speak your mind and exhibit your wit. Reading your blog is a fun break in my day!

    God bless,
    Chesca

  • Reply July 22, 2009

    ayemiy

    I would comment, but I have to go and look over every inch of my face and body for Like Scabs, just incase they render me incapable of saying anything without some dumb troll jumping down my throat for it ;)
    .-= ayemiy´s last blog ..ayemiy: #lameclaimtofame – I have met Mr Motivator. HUH! =-.

  • Reply July 23, 2009

    Selina

    Amber you totally had me Laughing Out Loud reading this post. I’ve never had cold sores, but I have a long and painful history with both Second Heads and the Gateway. I developed a second head just days before my wedding right bang smack in the middle of my collar bone. Switching from my low cut off the shoulder dress to a turtle neck wasn’t an option so I just had to slather on the concealer and hope. I can totally still see it in my wedding photos if I look hard enough. And as for the Gateway – well I’ve recently grown my fringe out and the best thing about it is no longer having the Gateway there. Honestly I would have my fringe all blow dried beautifully straight, plastered in to place with product guaranteed to keep it in line, then a butterfly would flap it’s wings on the moon and whammo – there was the Gateway!

    Also, you were the cutest little kid!
    .-= Selina´s last blog ..Your daily dose of pretty: polka dot over the knee socks with bow =-.

  • Reply July 23, 2009

    Wanderlusting

    You are too cute – even if this post was kinda gross lol. Thanks for your comment, you are totally right about them being like 13 years old. I’ve figured out this hater is from the same city as me and I might actually know them…either way though, crzy peeps. It’s scary when they actually are mental though…also scary when their comments are riddled with spelling errors. That bugs me most of all!
    .-= Wanderlusting´s last blog ..We interrupt Vintage Dress Week with an important bulletin =-.

  • Reply July 23, 2009

    Wanderlusting

    Wow – just going back now and reading the comments. Ah, so you do have a troll and you are right they are mental! LOL! Kudos for them actually leaving their name but I think that actually makes her MORE mental, if you can believe it? Her comments are actually funny because they make zero sense.

    It’s obvious when people attack you for NO GOOD REASON they’ve got some serious issues at hand.

    And it only makes them look HORRIBLE.

    Why does the internet attract such petty, jealous people?
    .-= Wanderlusting´s last blog ..We interrupt Vintage Dress Week with an important bulletin =-.

  • Reply July 23, 2009

    Nina

    Haha “Portal to Another Dimension” – this is too funny :D Very cool, thanks for the laugh!!
    .-= Nina´s last blog ..Sofa so good =-.

  • Reply July 24, 2009

    Gemma

    You were such a cute kid! I really enjoy reading your posts, and really appreciate the irony – keep it up!
    .-= Gemma´s last blog ..Surprisingly Good: Murad Age Reform Perfecting Day Cream SPF30 =-.

  • Reply December 15, 2010

    Juliet Storm

    Did Amy get her period yet?

    Has she experienced the relief that comes to her when she gets a bloody gusset and is no longer urged to lurch round the blogosphere thrashing out her angsty hormones in verdana pt.11?

    Or will Amber break and dye her hair green so as to not mention red hair? I have a bet on which one will occur first and it doesn’t involve Crazy Colour Rinse.

    ::::laughing::::

  • Reply January 2, 2011

    Mair

    Hi there. I just happened across this blog while reading some FashionPolice. Which was probably a mistake, not because it’s bad because I absolutely love it, but because it’s 2 AM here and I just woke up my mom from laughing at the post (especially after reading the previous one about Miss Bitchy) hilarious! Little miss I’m-just-jealous-I-don’t-have-fabulous-red-hair (which I think is gorgeous and I completely envy by the way) needs to take some midol and stop ranting about how someone DARES to write something about themselves in a personal blog -the scandal!- And in all honesty I’m not sure what it was she was upset about, something about people not wanting to see tomorrow? This post is about scabby lips ma’am I think you may be lost.

    In any case I love your blogs!

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