Crime Scene, Do Not Enter

Yesterday I was working away at my desk when I happened to look round to find that OMG, there had been a MURDUR!  </ Taggart>

murder-scene

This photo doesn’t really do the scene justice, because there was stuffing EVERYWHERE. Whoever the victim was, it was clear they had been, not just killed, but also skillfully disemboweled. Closer inspection, however, revealed not just one, but TWO possible victims:

buddy-and-duck

On the right of the picture: Bluddy. So called because he is a BLUE version of BUDDY. This unfortunate creature is “Buddy”:

buddy

As you can see, Buddy hasn’t been well for quite some time. My mum performed pioneering surgery to sew his face back on after the, er, event that led to its removal, but ol’ Buddy, he just hasn’t been the same since. Sometimes he can’t even remember who he is, the poor guy. We keep him around now for purely sentimental reasons: he was Rubin’s first toy, and actually, we’ve had Buddy longer than we’ve had Rubin, because as soon as Terry and I knew we were definitely getting a dog, we rushed out and bought Buddy for him. When we brought the young Rubinman home, Buddy was bigger than him. Then a year later? Buddy was dead. Shame.

Anyway, back to our crime scene, and as I’m sure your keen minds have deduced, our victim was not, in fact, “Bluddy”, but …

the-duck!

Yes, it’s the DUCK! Who is simply known as, er, “Rubin’s Duck”.  Or who WAS known as “Rubin’s Duck”, past tense. I don’t think that duck will ever “quack” again, somehow, which is a shame, because it does actually “quack” when Rubin presses it with his nose. DID actually quack.

Of course, we didn’t have to look far to find the alleged perp: he was standing right there at the scene of the crime, looking strangely pleased with himself:

the-perp

He’s all “Yeah, I did it. SO? I’d do it again…” And he would. For now, though, his work here was done:

aftermath

Still looking inappropriately smug, considering he just disemboweled one of his best friends. That’s the closest we can get him to sit to that dustpan and brush, by the way. Not that I want to spoil anyone’s illusions of how Rubin is a WOLF or anything, but he is TERRIFIED of that thing. Any closer and he will totally lose his mind. I think it must come to life at night and attack him or something.

This concludes our investigation into the Sad Case of Rubin’s Duck. Don’t have nightmares, folks…

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24 Comments

  • Lauren says:

    Wow. What a post to read before bed. I can't believe how smug Rubin looks! Poor ducky.

  • Caroline says:

    You've just totally brightened my lunch hour. This had me snorting with laughter at my desk – it's Rubin's face that does it! *grin*
    .-= Caroline´s last blog ..Learn your A, B, C, (D)s =-.

  • Gemma says:

    Rubin clearly has more personality than most human beings. This worries me slightly.
    .-= Gemma´s last blog ..I got Dollyrockered. =-.

  • Aimee says:

    I have onoly just calmed down enough to type this (I was crying I was laughing so hard!)

    Rubin is actually grinning in the pictures! How funny!
    .-= Aimee´s last blog ..Tuesday 25.08. =-.

  • Rubin never fails to make me laugh! I think it is the incredibly chuffed and cheeky smile he is wearing…
    .-= Lauren Cooke´s last blog ..Modern life – Trials and Tribulations =-.

  • Gemma says:

    Hahah, Rubin looks so smug! So cute.
    .-= Gemma´s last blog ..Review: Original Source Shower Smoothie =-.

  • Aparna says:

    Because, yeah, that's what them WOLVES do. That, and look cuddly and smug.

  • Terry says:

    He may look cute but I can guarantee you all he is still 100% arse. For instance today he:

    Ate a tube of humous I left downstairs for about 20 seconds!

    Barked so much at a child on his walk that I had to pick him up like a handbag and walk away.

    Chewed noisily on a big plastic bottle for about 10 minutes

    and he's just warming up! :)

    Husband

  • ayemiy says:

    HAHAHAHA!! LOOK! Look at him smiling by the dustpan. Rubin is BRILLIANT.

  • Toni says:

    Does he do the whole slinking-very-close-to-the-floor thing when he's been naughty? The dog I had as a kid did that, you'd know he'd done something wrong just by his body (doggy?) language.

    That said, Rubin looks pretty proud of himself, so I'm guessing… not ;)
    .-= Toni´s last blog ..Video: Jim Lovell Interview With Stephen Colbert =-.

    • Amber says:

      Oh, he does – that and the "I'm walking really, really slowly so they don't actually notice me slinking away" thing. He's just not doing that here because he didn't think he'd done anything wrong : he was really very pleased with himself :)

  • He totally looks pleased with himself! So cute!

    My friend’s dog is afraid of suitcases. Really, she’s afraid of any inanimate object that happens to move.
    .-= Kristabella´s last blog ..Sweet Dreams =-.

  • Simone says:

    oh lord! for a second, I thought Rubin had murdered TED… while I'm sure that Bluddy and Rubin's Duck's deaths have had a huge effect on you, I'd be more worried about Ted at this moment in time…

    • Amber says:

      Oh, that would've been a disaster! Although Rubin is more or less untrainable in many respects, though, one thing he does understand is that he must not touch Ted. They just ignore each other, but I guess the danger is always there!

  • Erin says:

    I really have to remember NOT to read your blog while sitting in a quiet room filled with my students (while they do book work), because it is TOO HARD NOT TO LAUGH!

    :D

    Mind you, poor Bluddy and Duck :( I don’t like it when stuffed animals die :(

    Rubin, you’re a cheeky smug little puppy, you are!
    .-= Erin´s last blog ..Pretty Vintage loves Cath Kidston (a little too much) =-.

  • Mousy says:

    I love Rubin's cheeky face!

    Here's something interesting you might not know – I heard this on a dog training programme not too long ago. Dogs think that if a toy makes a noise such as a squeak (or in this poor victim's case, a quack) that the toy is alive. Being predators, they eventually feel overcome with the obligation to kill this small animal and stop it from squeaking (or quacking). So, according to this theory, Rubin is trying to get back to his wolfish roots! :)

    Also, very strange that he should be scared of dustpans/brushes – because my dog used to be terrified of exactly the same thing! We didn't even have a bright pink one with a long handle; it was your plain, bog-standard, get-down-on-your-hands-and-knees-to-sweep-biscuit-crumbs-off-the-floor affair, and for a long time, whenever she saw it, she suddenly became devoid of any sanity at all. She's got over it now, after a long exposure period. :P

    Anyway! Is Rubin going to get a new duck? :D

    • Amber says:

      That would definitely make sense: toys that make a noise are his absolute favourite – he pins them down with his paws, makes them squeak with his nose… and then loses his mind. It must be his primal instinct!

      The dustpan and brush thing I think may be because it is a bit unstable, and will sometimes fall over, masking a huge clattering sound. My mum has one the same (although not bright pink!) and Rubin won't go near it either – I think it may have fallen over when he was a puppy and scared him!

      I will definitely get him another duck if I can find one: it was ancient, but still one of his favourite toys!

  • Sophie says:

    Rubin has the evilest grin! He has just been waiting for that moment when his mortal enemies Buddy and Co. would be swept away, disembowelled!!

  • Kate says:

    I have the exact same duck. I'm quite traumatised seeing what he looks like dead!

  • Darika says:

    I'll never understand how you get Rubin to pose just so for photos. While he seems untrainable in all other respects (he's still peeing on things inside??) he is obviously a natural in front of the camera.

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