It’s started again: the whole “let’s pretend Amber is running a shop!” thing, I mean. I’ve had a good few weeks WITHOUT being constantly asked about my “stock” and where I ship to, but this morning I woke up to this:

—–Original Message—–
From: Woman Who Thinks I Have a Shop
Sent: 05 August 2009 02:39
To: Magic Amber
Subject: guerlain kohl kajal eyeliner


I am wanting to purchase Guerlain Kohl Kajal Eyeliner online. Do you have it in stock?

Woman Who Thinks I Have A Shop (Australia)

And no, WWTIHAS. No, I don’t have it “in stock”, on account of how I AM NOT A SHOP. But still they contact me. Last week, I got this:

—–Original Message—–
From: Ponds Hand Cream Woman
Sent: 02 August 2009 20:04
To: Magic Amber
Cc: Magic Amber
Subject: ponds hand cream

i puchased some ponds hand creame and it was very address is [removed] [name removed]!

If I was American, I’m guessing the correct response to this would be a chirpy “Thanks for sharing!” But I’m not, so I just thought, “The HELL? That’s … fascinating… about the Ponds Hand Cream and all, but you know, why are you telling ME”?  And why the address? What was she expecting me to do, turn up at her house to inspect the watery hand cream in person? And even if I DID sell Ponds Hand Cream(e) (Which, just to be clear, I DON’T), did she think I’d just send her a new one, on the strength of a one-line email? Sending complete strangers on the internet your address: not really such a great idea, no?

Also, note that this person was so keen to tell me about her watery hand cream that she put my email address in the CC box as well as the “to” box. Yes, the SAME email address. So I got two copies of this email, which, first thing in the morning, when I’d yet to have my coffee, convinced me there was some kind of watery hand cream epidemic going on, and that I was The Chosen One, who would have to fix it.

But no: it’s just yet another epidemic of people thinking I’m a shop. And there’s really nothing I can do about it.

    1. Hi Amber, just to let you know that I bought some lancome mascara last week and it hasn't arrived. What are you going to do about it?

      Love Janine xxx

      hahaha… the levels of stupidity on the internet never fails to astound me. Just when I think people can't get more stupid, something else happens to prove you wrong. Just because you happen to link to a product, doesn't mean that you sell it.

      I got an email recently asking me where they could buy the Matalan ruffle shoes now that they're sold out. I was like, 'Um, am I a supplier?' People assume because you have a blog that you know everything about the products you blog about. They are sadly misinformed.
      .-= Janine´s last blog ..Ugly shoe of the week: Barratts snake effect ballerina. =-.

      1. My pet hate is the "where do I buy the Matalan shoes/Topshop dress/River Island coat" questions. There never seems to be a good way to answer those without sounding really patronising. Although, I often wish there WAS a magic land where all of the sold-out stuff was miraculously still available! (other than the magic land that is eBay, obv.)
        .-= Amber´s last blog ..I am not a shop, part 11,876 =-.

  1. Argh – an epidemic of watery hand cream. The world is coming to an end. What should we do, oh Chosen One? Should we cower in doorways? Curl up in the foetal position with a paper bag over our heads? Buy a different brand of hand cream?

    Also, how the hell does anybody fail to notice the difference between a shop and a blog? Shouldn't the complete lack of, you know, products, give the game away?
    .-= Selina´s last blog ..The Great Nail Disaster of August 09 (and also some polishes) =-.

  2. Wow. I suddenly feel very smart for knowing that you don't run a store. It's pretty obvious you don't. Wouldn't a shop have the option to buy items, which your blogs obviously don't. Silly people.

    1. I'n actually really tempted to do that – it fascinates me, too! On my newest blog, I actually have a disclaimer on the contact page saying that I'm not selling anything. So far it seems to have worked, but then again, I have a disclaimer on The Fashion Police pointing out that I am not a personal shopper, but I still get loads of "please find me an X to wear to x" emails. I should start charging these people!
      .-= Amber´s last blog ..I am not a shop, part 11,876 =-.

  3. It's because you have the coolest blog in the world you see, it makes the people crazy.


    people we don't know are morons


    Rubin has been running a shop out of your garage for the last 6 months and hasn't told you…he's also not very good and has yet to turn a profit to pay for his addiction to dog treats


    people we don't know are morons


    i need to buy a new Max Factor lipstick, where have yours gone from your shop


    people we don't know are morons

  4. Question: Is the watery handcream perhaps an early sympton of 'The Melting'?

    Moving on… I got a load of dumbass emails on the first day of my Apollo blog launch, mostly for eejits desiring to tell me why the landings are fake. Cos people are just that smart. Anyway, I moaned and bitched about this online and someone told me to switch to a contact form rather than just my email address. And it really cut the crap down; so maybe switch to a form (WordPress has easy as plugins) and then put a disclaimer at the top of the form?

    For the disclaimer I recommend: I AM NOT A FREAKIN' SHOP YOU LOONS, but maybe something more subtle would do the job, too.

  5. Hi Amber. I am looking for some tights that I can wear with flip flops. Can I order them online? Whilst we're at it, do you fancy paying for them for me too?

    God, the sarcasm! Sometimes people just aren't too bright!
    .-= Lauren´s last blog ..Rags to Riches =-.

  6. There should be an admittance test before people use the Internet, or at least before they attempt to purchase something. What I'm most fascinated by when I hear of people thinking you're a shop, is how they think the purchasing process goes. So, there is no visible purchase button, no virtual shopping cart, and no way to make a purchase, so they email you? Is that how they think it goes? Oy.
    .-= Amanda Nicole´s last blog walk: Sucia Island =-.

  7. Watery hand cream(e), eh? Maybe that's what was happening last Tuesday…the sun wasn't melting, it was having trouble slathering on watery Ponds products

  8. I'm slightly astounded. How do these people manage to think that you are a shop? I would have thought that it was obvious you are NOT a shop, but apparentley not.

  9. Oh well, it makes me laugh!

    A long time ago, when pennies were legal tender, my uncle thought it really hilarous to go into cake shops and say 'how much are your penny buns?' The most hilarious thing was that they would tell him, in all seriousness. I guess that's not really on the same level, though.

    P.S. How ignorant am I to admit that I didn't know Ponds did a hand cream(e)! Face creams, yes but not hand – and now, sadly, I definitely won't buy any because it might be watery.

  10. To anyone who asks to buy something from you, play along, charge them money, and just don't send anything. So it's like they're paying a stupidity fee.

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