The one where I say the words TAX DISC a lot

Remember the sorry story of how I lost my TAX DISC? And had to apply for a new TAX DISC? Because the old TAX DISC was lost, and when something is lost, you don’t have it any more?

(Don’t worry, the caps are there for a reason. I haven’t just developed a weird case of car-related Tourettes. TAX DISC!)

Did you, at any point in that story, get the feeling that, “Oh my God, we haven’t heard the end of this yet?” Because if so, you were right. Sigh.

First I had to print out and fill in a form. You know, to get the DVLA to replace my missing TAX DISC? That was a bit of a saga in itself, partly because I really suck at filling in forms (I used blue ink rather than the required-on-pain-of-death black ink, and I put my date of birth in the “today’s date” box), but also because this form contained a bunch of questions like: “Please enter your BlahBlah number. This can be found on your TAX DISC”.  And I was all, “Oh, my TAX DISC, you say? The one that’s LOST? As in, I don’t have it? Sure, let me just grab my LOST TAX DISC that I don’t have, so I can fill in this number from it, so that you can replace my LOST TAX DISC!”

It also contained the question, “How was the original TAX DISC lost?” Which stumped me a little, I have to admit. I considered two different answers:

1. Provide them with a link to this post.

or

2.  Write something along the lines of “If I knew that, I’d have a chance of finding it, and I wouldn’t have to fill in this stupid form, brainiacs.”

But in the end I went with option 3, which involved the laborious printing (in block caps! That I had to write with my hand! I don’t ever write by hand now. I barely remember how to do it, to be honest.) of a lengthy explanation that went something like, “Well, it was on the worktop in the kitchen? Next to the kettle? Or maybe the toaster? But the original tax disc still had a few weeks to run, and I was about to go on holiday, then with all of the excitement of the holiday (I touched a dolphin!!) I forgot all about it, and then suddenly the tax disc wasn’t there any more, and I think I might have thrown it out by mistake, but I’m really not sure. Do you know? Also, have you seen my green dress?”

It was at this point that I realised I’d used the FORBIDDEN blue ink, though, so I had to print out a new form and start all over again (this time I just wrote “I think I threw it out. Whoops!”), then I had to write out a cheque for £7, and I haven’t used cheques since about 1999, so first I had to find my cheque book, then I had to hunt down my Vehicle Registration Document, which they also needed, and I had to put these items into an envelope along with some powdered unicorn horn, a 4 leafed clover gathered by the light of the full moon, and a clipping from one of God’s toenails. Then I had to get into my car (which, did I mention, does not have a valid TAX DISC?) and drive to the post office, because apparently it’s still 1987 at the DVLA and you can’t just do all of this online, like a normal person. I bet they still use typewriters there, too.

So, all of this just to get a replacement TAX DISC, and do you know what the DVLA sent me this week?

Yes, they sent me…. a replacement VEHICLE REGISTRATION CERTIFICATE!

So that sucked. Remember the bit where I had to send them my existing Vehicle Registration Document? You’d think that would’ve been a clue that this particular certificate WAS NOT LOST. Unlike, say… actually, no, I can’t bring myself to say it one more time. And then I had to pick up the phone (I never “phone”) and go through the whole “Press 1 if you’d like to sit in a call queue for an hour, 2 if you’d like to be transferred to someone who does not speak English, or 3 if you’d prefer to just die now,” thing, so they could tell me they have no idea why they sent me a Vehicle Registration Certificate rather than a You Know What.

They tell me a replacement YKW will be on its way to me later this week. I await its arrival with bated breath.

P.S. TAX DISC!


12 Comments

  • Nina says:

    Heehee, this is so funny :) Love your post – and hope the brainiacs there send you a new "You Know What" asap!
    .-= Nina´s last blog ..Broken =-.

    • Amber says:

      You know what? It arrived about five minutes after I pressed "publish" on this! Quite bizarre, actually, because I only phoned them at about 3pm yesterday – I feel a bit bad about whining about them now!

  • Veronika says:

    Hahahha I know how you feel.. I went to the bank today. You'd think with all the possibilities of internet banking they'd find a way I wouldn't actually have to go there in person to hand in my university's confirmation about me being a student, like say scanning it and sending it via email? alas nooo so had to wait huuuge line://

    1987? good year! (when I was born:))
    .-= Veronika´s last blog ..Overload =-.

    • Amber says:

      Oh, the bank! I hate the bank! I never carry cash, so I wouldn't normally have to go there, but a lot of Terry's clients insist on paying by cheque, and so you have to drive to the bank, wait in line, etc, and even then it will take a few days to clear. (There is a special box you can drop your cheques into but I never quite trust it) It seems like such an old-fashioned way to do things! (Although, admittedly, I am very lazy!)

  • Melissa says:

    I think the whole world is being sucked into a void of incompetence this week. The computers at work are being flaky and I keep messing up and making stupid mistakes. I vote for the world to take a vacation.

    • Amber says:

      Void of Incompetence – hee! I like that! It's not just this week, though – lately it just feels like every time we (i.e. me and Terry) have to have dealings with a company, we can absolutely guarantee that there will be incompetence involved, and not always ours, either! It happens to my parents too – seems like some kind of incompetence epidemic…

  • Wanderlusting says:

    I don't actually know what a TAX DISC is being not from the UK and all but other than that, to your comment: what town outside Edinburgh??

    and also, maybe cuz it's Fashion Week time and everyone is everywhere?

    • Amber says:

      I actually had it in my mind that I should've said what a tax disc is, but then I totally forgot…. Basically if you have a car you have to pay road tax, which is renewed every year, or every six months. And to prove that you've paid it, and your vehicle is legal, they send you a paper disc that has to be displayed on the windscreen. It's the kind of thing that should be impossible to lose, unless, of course, you're me.

      Also, I have emailed you :)

  • Tracey says:

    Oh okay, so it's like the registration stickers we have to have on our cars. If dealing with the DVLA is anything like VicRoads, you have my deepest sympathies.
    .-= Tracey´s last blog ..Poor Huffle Mawson =-.

  • Nikki G says:

    I think anyone who drives in any country can empathize with you. Nothing makes me angrier than dealing with incompetence in bureaucracy.

  • ayemiy says:

    you should keep complaining anyway. they might send you a new car.
    .-= ayemiy´s last blog ..ayemiy: Trying to summon the inclination to drive two hours to staffordshire is just…hard. =-.

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