Breaking news: I am not Joan Rivers. Really.

Dear People who keep sending me hate mail relating to the E! Network’s “Fashion Police” show,

I AM NOT the E! Network. Or, indeed, Joan Rivers. And I don’t have Kim Kardashian’s number either, so no, I can’t pass on your message to her.  Oh, and I have no idea who ‘Guiliana’ is (see: NOT THE E! NETWORK, above), so I really can’t comment on whether or not her head looks like “a giant pea trapped in a worn out floor mop” although I’ll certainly be Googling that as soon as I finish writing this.

To get back to the topic, though: please stop sending me angry messages about people’s pea heads. If you absolutely MUST waste your life sending complete strangers abuse via the internet, at least make sure you get the RIGHT stranger. I have my own hate mail from lunatics, I don’t need to get Joan Rivers’ hate mail too, OK? Don’t they teach you kids ANYTHING in school these days? GOD. When I was a kid, we knew how to properly address hate mail. This was all fields, then…

I would have sent this to you personally, of course, but the first email just made me shake my head and say, “Terry, we got us another idiot, here, open up the Idiot File!” and the next person had managed to make their reply email bounce back. (Which was stupid, by the way. How can I reply to your concerns about the whole pea-head thing if you won’t tell me who you are? I mean, YOU know who I am, so … oh no, wait: you don’t, do you? You think I’m Joan Rivers. There’s no point in me even writing this, is there?)


Magic “Not the E! Network” Amber

Hi, I'm Amber. I'm a full-time fashion/shoe blogger from the UK, and this is the story of my life, my clothes, and the International Man of Mystery Next Door. You can read more from me at my other blogs, The Fashion Police and Shoeperwoman, and you can follow me on Bloglovin' here.


  • Reply January 27, 2010


    *dies laughing*

    I mean, I'm sorry you have to deal with idiotic (and occasionally crazy) emails, but I do love reading about them :D

    • Reply January 27, 2010


      I have to admit, they do make me smile – well, most of the time, anyway :)

  • Reply January 27, 2010


    As much as I love reading your posts about the crazies who e-mail you are so much better because you offer such wonderful commentary.
    .-= Amy´s last blog ..Memories and scent, or, I’m totally out of my snarky groove =-.

    • Reply January 27, 2010


      Ohmy goodness, how did I not know there was a whole blog featuring crazy emails? Off to have a good read right now :)

  • Reply January 28, 2010


    Also getting people contacting me on Twitter now thinking I'm the E! channel – *headdesk*

    Um, also commenting on my own blog to tell myself this apparently. *headdesk again*
    .-= Amber´s last blog ..Breaking news: I am not Joan Rivers. Really. =-.

  • Reply January 28, 2010


    Oh the joys of being Amber. Stupid people always make me laugh.

  • Reply January 28, 2010


    Search for "Giuliana Rancic" or the show "Giuliana and Bill" and you'll see where the "a giant pea trapped in a worn out floor mop" comment comes from. That said though, it's a mean comment but it's funny that people think you're associated with the E! network. Your idiot file must be ginormous!

  • Reply February 10, 2010


    See now whenever I imagine you talking (cos in my head we totally have imaginery conversations about shoes!) you’re going to sound like Joan Rivers. Awesome!
    .-= Selina´s last blog ..Your daily dose of pretty: Dolley shoe by Linzi =-.

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