Yesterday afternoon, Terry was out with his friends so I decided to take myself off for a quick spot of shopping. Because that’s what I do when I’m left to my own devices, obviously.

(I also apparently buy a whole bunch of summer clothes when left to my own devices, despite the fact that the snow is still thick on the ground and we probably won’t get no summer, anyway. Why must the shops get their summer stock in NOW, when it’s not even CLOSE to summer? Seriously, WHY?)

Anyway, when I came home, I found this in the middle of the floor:


Well, I knew right away that something bad had gone down in my absence, reason being that this, my friends? Is an EAR. Yes, an EAR.

It didn’t take me long to locate the body:


And it didn’t take me long to identify the chief suspect, either, on account of the fact that once again, he hadn’t even bothered to leave the scene of the crime:

"Who, me? No, I never touched him..."

The fact that the body was blue told me that it had been in the water a long time it was none other than “Bluddy”, or “Blue Buddy”, a one-time close-friend and associate of the Rubinman’s. This is the second vicious attack on Bluddy, though, which leads me to suspect that this is not a motiveless crime. As to what the motive actually IS, though, I have absolutely no idea, although Rubin DID show an extraordinary amount of interest in the severed ear that night, totally ignoring the body of his former comrade in arms, and choosing instead to run around with the ear in his mouth like a trophy. Sometimes he would even throw it into the air and pretend to “chase” it. It was all quite inappropriate, actually, especially considering that the erstwhile owner of the ear was RIGHT THERE.

Faced with the evidence of his crime, however, Rubin was totally unrepentant:


There is but one question on the lips of all of the other toys in the basket now: who will be next to face the wrath of the Rubinman, WHO?

The Toys, yesterday

Note: Bluddy is currently recovering in “hospital” before surgery to replace the severed ear. His condition is described as serious but stable. Also, he’s a stuffed toy, so I’m sure he’ll be fine…

  1. Very David Lynch:

    He was Blue Buddy

    Darker than velvet was the grip

    Colder than satin was the nip

    Of those teeth…

    (Sorry – that's what happens when I'm on hold for a long time and in possession of a rhyming dictionary.)

    1. Lol! I'm now thinking this post would've been much better if Bluddy had been discovered wrapped in plastic (one of Gaga's dresses, perhaps) – hee!

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