Under a Dark Cloud

Here’s what happened last night:

It’s not frost, it’s SNOW. This was taken at 6am, when Rubin woke us up with his patented “Yapping at 6am for no reason whatsoever” manoeuvre. By the time we actually got up, it had melted, but even so, people, EVEN SO.

This is bad. It’s very, very bad. It’s particularly bad because lately I’ve been feeling like a dark cloud is hanging over me. And that’s because there IS a dark cloud hanging over me: it’s the Ash Cloud O’Doom from the Eyjafjallajökull Volcano, or “That Stupid Freaking Volcano That Wants to Ruin My Life”, as it’s known in my house.

(This is going to be one of those really whiny, bratty posts I  write sometimes a lot. Don’t say you weren’t warned.)

I’m convinced the volcano is going to stop me going on holiday. (Now THERE’S a line I never thought I’d write). Absolutely convinced. Seriously, I haven’t even bought new shoes for the trip or anything, that’s how convinced I am that we won’t be going. And sure, we don’t leave until the end of the month, so the world still has a couple of weeks to sort itself out, but the thing is, it doesn’t really look like it’s going to bother, does it ? No, it looks more like that freaking volcano is just going to keep on belching out ash, and that it’s going to do it PURELY to ruin my holiday/life. And rather than basking in the sun for three weeks, I’m going to shiver in the SNOW instead, and also have no money, because I spent it all on a holiday I can’t take.

If that happens, I am going to FREAK THE HELL OUT. I mean, like I’ve never freaked out in my life before. I’m actually starting to do it now. In fact, I feel a bit like a volcano myself right now, and trust me, if I blow, YOU WILL KNOW ABOUT IT.

I should put in a disclaimer here to make me sound like a vaguely reasonable person, even although I’m not in the least bit reasonable, ever. Here it is:

I know safety has to come first. I’m terrified of flying – absolutely terrified – so trust me when I say that the last thing I want is to be sitting in a tin can that’s plummeting towards the earth at a million miles an hour ON FIRE, just because everyone ignored the Ash Cloud O’Doom. I know it’s no one’s fault, even although I’d dearly like to be able to blame someone, and it’s at times like this I wish I believed in God. I also know that there are people in a far worse situation than me when flights get cancelled: people who miss weddings and funerals, and people who might even miss out on the chance to have their lives saved because either they can’t get to the hospital, or the surgeon can’t, or whatever.

I know all of these things. And I still want to scream like a baby, because IT SNOWED IN MAY, people.  MAY. May is normally the nicest month of the year in Scotland. This year? Yeah. The best case scenario now is that we get to Florida, THEN the ash cloud gets really, really bad, and we can never come home again, ever. That would be awesome, because right now, if I never saw snow again, it would be too soon. If our flight gets cancelled, meanwhile, I think I will try to swim there. I’m not even joking.

(P.S. If even one person tells me they’re “SO JEALOUS!” of the snow, I swear my head will explode. It’s like being jealous of someone who just lost a limb, seriously.)