Because I’m far too lazy for the maintenance that goes into self-tanning on a regular basis, I tend to only hit the bottle when I absolutely have to: i.e. when I know I’m going to be baring my legs without the benefit of tights, trousers, or anything else that successfully masks their deathly paleness. Living in Scotland, of course, means that this doesn’t happen very often at all, because most of the time it’s way too cold for that kind of malarky. By the time you read this, however, I’ll (hopefully) be on holiday in Florida, enjoying a rare blast of heat on my cold, pale limbs, and this means that I’ll be applying my gradual self-tanner every couple of days.
To start with, everything will run smoothly. After the first week, though, I’ll start to run into problems. The first couple of self-tan applications, you see, will get old. They’ll start to flake off, and look patchy and nasty, and I’ll start to look a little bit like I have some kind of terrifying skin disease, particularly on the chest, which is where this flaking will be most obvious. Simply applying more tanner over the top will fix the problem for a little while… but only for a little while. Exfoliating helps too, but it doesn’t completely remove the oldest, patchiest areas of tan, which means that by the end of my three-week stay, I’ll probably have given up altogether, and will be in the process of allowing myself to return to my natural, pasty shade, getting rid of all that build-up before beginning the process all over again.
If only I had some of St. Tropez’ Tan Detox. This is a bath oil that helps rid your skin of self-tan buildup, getting rid of the accumulation of old self-tanner, and leaving your skin soft, smooth, natural… and ready for the next application of tanner, if you so desire. Because it’s a bath oil, the whole process should actually be pleasant and relaxing, too, which is another bonus as those aren’t words I’m used to using in connection with fake tan.