Rubinman: the most fearsome wolf in all the land

Alternative title: ‘How to Ruin Amber’s Outfit Shots: a dog’s guide’. This is a guest post by Rubin: enjoy!

Yo, homies, it’s Rubin here. Amber told me some of yoos was missing my “blawg”, and I was like, “Yoos better believe they’ll be missing my blawg. It’s not every day yoos get to hear from a real live WOOLF.” So here I am, live an’ unleashed. (Do you see what I did there? I, like, totally WAS unleashed in these photos. I crack myself up, I really do.)

Anyways, last week I took Them for a walk. They were all, like, takin stupid piktures and stuff for Amber’s shoo blawg (if there’s something more pointless than a blawg about shoos, by the way, I don’t know what it is. Shoos are just big chew toys, get over it.)? And I was all, “I wonder if there’s a way I could make this all about me?” And there WAS a way. And I found it.

Note: Some of yoos may find the following images disturbing, as they all show a really scary woolfman. Parental discretion is advised. Norma and John, don’t yoos look either, it’ll scare the pants off yoos.

Step One: Insert self into all piktures. ALL piktures. Try to look like a crazy dog if yoo can. (Note: I totally CAN.)

“Oh, sorry, Amber, am I in your shot? My bad.”

(If yoos could see my face in close-up in this one, you’d see the drool flying off my FANGS. I’m not going to show yoos it, though, cos yoos would, like, crap yourselves?)

After I completed step one, I was like, “I’ve started, so I’ll finish. I might as well just continue with the Being Terrifying.”

STEP 2: BE TERRIFYING

Yeah, I told you. Sometimes I scare even myself. And then I can’t sleep at night cos I’m like, “OMG, who is that scary woolf in the room?” Then I’m like, “Whew, it’s ME, haha.”

I can also run faster than the speed of light. That’s why I’m a bit blurry in this pickture, see? By the time you see me, I’m already miles away.

“Ooh, hai, lookit me! I’m Amber! I’m taking piktures for my shoo blawg! Because that’s not stupid.”

Terry tried to take one of them dumb “shadows” piktures. So I stood on his stupid head.

After that I rolled in something bad, and They took me home and put me in the shower. They’ve always got to ruin stuff, haven’t They?

No one puts Rubinman in the corner.

(OK, one time Terry put me in the corner. I bit his face off, though.)

Smell yas,

RUBIN

Hi, I'm Amber. I'm a full-time fashion/shoe blogger from the UK, and this is the story of my life, my clothes, and the International Man of Mystery Next Door. You can read more from me at my other blogs, The Fashion Police and Shoeperwoman, and you can follow me on Bloglovin' here.

23 Comments

  • Reply October 25, 2010

    Aline C

    Cutest post!!!
    Love ya Rubinman :P

  • Reply October 25, 2010

    Becky

    It has been too long since we had a post from Rubin. This has made my day!

  • Reply October 25, 2010

    Nicola

    I’m giggling like a crazy lady. But sorry Rubin, the picture where you’re sitting in the big metal L isn’t ruined at all, you made it better with your cute attentive sitting! Picture ruining fail!

    • Reply October 25, 2010

      Karen

      I agree — I love that shot where you’re sitting nicely, I mean guarding Amber in that L-shape too. :)

  • Reply October 25, 2010

    Arlene

    LOL Rubinman you are da bomb! Love ya!!! :D xxx

  • Reply October 25, 2010

    Daisy

    Hahahahahahahaha. Definitely too funny to read at work. :) Bad idea giggling behind my screen like a maniac with colleagues around. :p

  • Reply October 25, 2010

    Stet

    Love and missed the Rubinman and Amber chronicles. Glad to have you both back, as fierce as ever.

  • Reply October 25, 2010

    Lauren

    You know what? A post from Rubin does actually make my day, and I’m not afraid to admit it!

  • Reply October 25, 2010

    Sandy

    Ahh, Rubin blog post! Love it!

    Psst…Rubin…did you get the cardboard house yet? Terry promised you know…and he mentioned something about a ramp so you could get a better view from the window to bark/assert your wolfyness to the masses! But don’t tell ‘em I told you!

  • Reply October 25, 2010

    maz aka MallyMon

    Oh, thank you so much for that, Rubin. What a laugh. It’s cheered me up so much – there’s a lot to be said for laughter therapy. :)

  • Reply October 25, 2010

    ayemiy

    God, I bloody love Rubin.

  • Reply October 25, 2010

    Kate

    “…because that’s not stupid.”

    Oh holy hell I lol’d. And then I sent it to Jeff. And HE lol’d.

    And if Jeff lols? You know it’s good stuff.

  • Reply October 26, 2010

    Rebecca

    Is it strange that whenever there’s a Rubin post, I read it as though he’s got a New York gangster accent?

    • Reply October 27, 2010

      Amber

      He does. He totally puts it on, though: he’s from Edinburgh.

  • Reply October 26, 2010

    Bre

    Oh Rubin, how I’ve missed your blogging.

  • Reply October 26, 2010

    Sammy

    Hey Rubinman, I was totally thinking of you the other day and here you are.

    I was walking past River Island and saw this in the window.

    http://www.riverisland.com/Online/women/knitwear/jumpers/creampandahoodknittedjumper-593939

    Are you getting checks from these guys copying your look? Or because they call them ‘pandas’ do they get away with it?

    Awesome photos by the way.

  • Reply October 26, 2010

    Mia

    Wow I was just reading Rubin’s blog the other day thinking how much I missed it! This was awesome!! (And totally scary of course!)

  • Reply October 27, 2010

    Amber

    Rubin says thanks for the comments, everyone, he’s glad you liked his post, and he hopes it wasn’t too scary for you!

  • Reply October 27, 2010

    Georgie

    You MUST have Rubin guest blog at least once a week! he cracks me up – he also looks like a small version of my dog Burt – who by the way talks a bit like Rubinman..hum..

  • Reply November 1, 2010

    Rock Hyrax

    Ah, you can’t but want to hug him though. The first and last pictures somehow remind me of this hyrax photo by Andreas Tusche:
    http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Dassie3.jpg

  • Reply November 3, 2010

    Fashion Limbo

    I’m laughing so much at this post, sooo funny! my dog also has a tendency to appear in my outfit posts, such limelight stealing divas eh? Absolutely love your blog by the way, added to my favourites xx

  • Reply November 20, 2010

    Selina McEntee

    Rubin, Jessie (aka Big Black Dog) would like you to know that in a show of dog solidarity she also rolled in something disgusting the other day. Something long-dead-and-disgusting by the smell of it. And then she, too, had to have a shower. So dog solidarity FTW!

  • Reply June 13, 2014

    Selina

    Sitting on Terry’s head heehee. A brilliant post

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