Rubinman: the most fearsome wolf in all the land
Alternative title: ‘How to Ruin Amber’s Outfit Shots: a dog’s guide’. This is a guest post by Rubin: enjoy!
Yo, homies, it’s Rubin here. Amber told me some of yoos was missing my “blawg”, and I was like, “Yoos better believe they’ll be missing my blawg. It’s not every day yoos get to hear from a real live WOOLF.” So here I am, live an’ unleashed. (Do you see what I did there? I, like, totally WAS unleashed in these photos. I crack myself up, I really do.)
Anyways, last week I took Them for a walk. They were all, like, takin stupid piktures and stuff for Amber’s shoo blawg (if there’s something more pointless than a blawg about shoos, by the way, I don’t know what it is. Shoos are just big chew toys, get over it.)? And I was all, “I wonder if there’s a way I could make this all about me?” And there WAS a way. And I found it.
Note: Some of yoos may find the following images disturbing, as they all show a really scary woolfman. Parental discretion is advised. Norma and John, don’t yoos look either, it’ll scare the pants off yoos.
Step One: Insert self into all piktures. ALL piktures. Try to look like a crazy dog if yoo can. (Note: I totally CAN.)
“Oh, sorry, Amber, am I in your shot? My bad.”
(If yoos could see my face in close-up in this one, you’d see the drool flying off my FANGS. I’m not going to show yoos it, though, cos yoos would, like, crap yourselves?)
After I completed step one, I was like, “I’ve started, so I’ll finish. I might as well just continue with the Being Terrifying.”
STEP 2: BE TERRIFYING
Yeah, I told you. Sometimes I scare even myself. And then I can’t sleep at night cos I’m like, “OMG, who is that scary woolf in the room?” Then I’m like, “Whew, it’s ME, haha.”
I can also run faster than the speed of light. That’s why I’m a bit blurry in this pickture, see? By the time you see me, I’m already miles away.
“Ooh, hai, lookit me! I’m Amber! I’m taking piktures for my shoo blawg! Because that’s not stupid.”
Terry tried to take one of them dumb “shadows” piktures. So I stood on his stupid head.
After that I rolled in something bad, and They took me home and put me in the shower. They’ve always got to ruin stuff, haven’t They?
No one puts Rubinman in the corner.
(OK, one time Terry put me in the corner. I bit his face off, though.)