Half-Assed Halloween Costume | Marilyn Monroe

Well, folks, it’s that time of year again: that precious, precious time when I get to dress up as much as I want, and no one can tell me I’m “overdressed”, because it’s Halloween – yay! And this year, as with last year, we have two costume parties to attend: one on the Saturday just gone, and one next Saturday, which means you have another one of these posts to look, er, forward to next week. I know, sorry.

Anyway! Although I love to use Halloween as an excuse to get completely and utterly overdressed, I also have to work around the fact that I’m completely and utterly lazy. With these two points in mind, I had actually decided fairly early on that I would dress up as Marilyn Monroe for our first party: not just because I hear blondes have more fun, but because I thought it would be relatively easy. “Why, all I’ll need will be a white dress and a blonde wig,” I thought, “And I bet I won’t even need to search for the white dress, because if I mention it enough times, my mum will probably find one for me!”

And she did. Thanks, mum!

With the white dress in the bag, then (literally: my mum altered it for me and then put it in a bag) I pretty much sat back and did absolutely nothing to prepare for my transformation into the world’s most famous blonde. I knew from my search for an appropriate Lady Gaga wig last year that eBay is just full of Marilyn Monroe wigs, and they’re even labelled “Marilyn Monroe wig”, just to make it even easier for lazy-asses like me. So confident was I that nothing could possibly go wrong with this, then, that I waited until just a week before the party before I hopped onto eBay and bought the first cheapest wig I could find. Then I sat back and resumed doing nothing, until the wig arrived and I realised it looked more like a blonde version of Little Orphan Annie’s hair than Marilyn Monroe’s. Whoops.

As for Terry:

OK, so there is an explanation for this too, I promise! See, Terry HAD been going to dress as a mummy (the ancient Egyptian type, I mean, not a mother). He bought this, um, gimp suit, on eBay, intending to wind bandages around it to create the appropriate effect. Then it arrived, he tried it on, and was all, “hell, this is hilarious: I’m going exactly as I am!” (He DID have to add some “modesty underwear-as-outerwear”, as you can see.)

And yes, I AM pouting in every single photo from the evening. It was like some weird kind of reflex that comes over you when you put on a blonde wig and a some bright red lipstick. When I wasn’t pouting, I appear to have been mostly doing this:

I was trying to do the whole “Why, my dress has just blown up in the breeze from the subway grate, isn’t that a hoot?” thing, but as my dress wasn’t blowing up, and I was in the house at the time, I ended up just looking like I really needed to use the bathroom, and was laughing about it. Huh.

Luckily, Rubin managed to get over his fear of Terry’s outfit, and bowed down before it:

He also matched our inadvertent “all white” theme pretty well:

Speaking of Rubin:

He wants to be loved by you. Just you. Nobody else but you. I bet you’re scared now, too, aren’t you?

He spent the whole night going, “Oh, man, I really hope no one puts these photos on Facebook! I’m totally un-tagging them if they do!”  Sorry, Rubinman…

Terry’s costume, meanwhile, only got stranger as the evening progressed:

(Last photo courtesy of our friend Lynsey. She and her husband Graeme were our hosts for the night, and threw a fantastic party. Thanks, L&G, and sorry again about Terry…)

So, that was Halloween Part 1. Now I have to try and come up with a costume idea for Halloween Part II, which is this Saturday. I HAD thought I was all prepared for this, but over the weekend I suddenly decided that my costume idea was the laziest! thing! ever! so I’m having to have a re-think. Your suggestions welcome…

Here is a short article I wrote about Marilyn Monroe Halloween costume ideas