Frocking Friday # 1: Portobello


(Dress, BB Dakota; boots, Topshop)

So, it’s the first ever Frocking Friday, which means the first of 52 dresses in 2011. Everyone up for it? I’m just going to pretend you all said “yes” to that. It’s OK, don’t worry, I have enough dresses for all of us…

That said, this outfit was actually based completely around the boots, which are my one and only January sales purchase. See, I’m not generally a fan of the sales. I don’t like having to rummage for clothes, I hate the fact that so many stores hide away all the good stuff at sale time and stick out racks of old stock that no one wanted the first time around, and, of course, I hate The Others, who always come out in force at sale time and will fight you to the death for something they didn’t even know they wanted until they see YOU pick it up. And by “you”, I obviously mean “me”.

Sometimes, however, the January sales can be worth it, and this turned out to be one of those times, because tucked away at the back of my local branch of Topshop I found The Boots. The Boots, people.

Now, I have stalked these boots ever since Topshop first released the style, about two years ago. I wanted them bad. At one point I even set out to buy The Boots, but when I got to the store I realised that the £110 price tag was waaay out of my budget, and so I was forced to retreat to River Island, where I bought another pair of thigh highs on sale for £10, which was a whole £100 cheaper. And honestly, I love those boots. I’ve worn them constantly since I bought them. (Not literally, obviously. I don’t wear them to bed or anything. Much.) In fact, I’ve worn them so much that I started to worry. “One day I will wear these boots so often that I’ll wear them right out,” I fretted. “And then I won’t have these boots no more, and I’ll have to begin the search for a new pair. But what if I can’t find a new pair? WHAT IF, people? And also, I really wish I’d bought those Topshop boots that time, woe, woe!”

And then I walked into Topshop last week and they had The Boots on sale for £35.

(I know, I kinda rushed the punchline a bit there, didn’t it? It’s just because I knew you wouldn’t be able to stand the suspense any longer.)

“Obviously they won’t have them in my size,” I thought to myself, as I began feverishly searching through the pile of boots – sorry, Boots – glancing over my shoulder every now and then so check for the approach of one of The Others. I was right, too: they didn’t have my size. They did, however, have one solitary pair of size 3s. I wear a size 4. “Oh, what the hell,” I thought. “I’ll just squeeze them on, Ugly-Sister-style, and if they don’t fit, why, I can always have my toes amputated or something!”

(They’re not as shiny as they look in this photo or the one above it, it’s just the flash…)

But they actually fit me. It was a true Christmas miracle. They do happen, people.

I’ve worn them every single day since I bought them. And OK, it’s partly that I just can’t get the things off now. (Kidding! I’m kidding! They do actually fit me – even I’m not stupid enough to buy shoes that don’t fit me. Not after The Louboutin Incident.) But it’s mostly because there ain’t nothing as versatile as a good pair of thigh high boots. That’s what my granny always told me, anyway.*

Um, I’m supposed to be talking about dresses here, aren’t I? Well, there’s not much to say about this one, because you’ve already seen it: it’s the dress I wore last Halloween, so yes, I wear my Halloween costumes all year round. I also carry tiny little people around with me at all times, look:

He’s ready for his close-up:

I’m all, “Come on, tiny little man, hurry it along now, we don’t have all day! Can’t you see I’m trying to walk AND wear clothes here?” Also, I am so FASHUN that I use Little People as accessories. Eat your heart out, Gaga! What? You don’t believe we have Little People here in Scotland? Well, OK, just to prove it to you, here is a deeply unflattering photo of me about to fall off that wall while clutching a Little Person in my right hand:

SEE? They exist. They’re out there. And me? Why, I use them as mere playthings! *evil cackle* Now, I’m going to trust you all not to tell anyone about the Little People, because then everyone will want one. And they’re MY Little People. Mine!

OK, this post ended up going in a completely different direction from how I’d planned it. Here is a pretty photo of the beach (which, by the way, we stopped off at after doing some other stuff in Edinburgh, just in case you’re wondering why I’m prancing around a beach all of a sudden):

Now, let’s all try and forget what we just saw, OK? I’m going to shine this light into your eyes and you’ll forget aaaaalllll about the Little People…


P.S. For those of you who are worried about how cold I must’ve been here, fear not, I had a coat with me, I just took it off for a minute to get a photo of the dress underneath, otherwise you wouldn’t have been able to see it and we’d have to rename this feature Coat Friday, rather than Frocking Friday. Or maybe ‘Same Coat Every Friday’. Which would be weird.

P.P.S. Remember, if you want to join Frocking Friday, and see what everyone else is wearing today, take a look at the Facebook page here!

*Note: My granny didn’t actually say that. No one would’ve been surprised if she had, though.

(Thanks to Terry for taking the photos!)