Dear Fairies…

I’ll be spending a chunk of this afternoon at the dentist’s, so today seemed as good a time as any to show you this letter, which my mum came across earlier this week, along with some other missives written by my younger self. I’ve no idea what age I was when I wrote this, but I’m guessing, oooh, 17? 18? 25? Who knows…

As you can see, my writing was a lot less… rambly… when I was younger. Straight to the point, that was me. Also, I had a LOT of teeth, apparently. (Note the handy diagram I’ve provided to show the fairies exactly where the missing tooth came from. They might have needed that information, you see.)

I also like the way I obviously initially ended the letter right after “when I was easting an apple”, but must have worried that the fairies would just have read that and been all, “SO? Why are you telling us?”, so I went back and added the “you can hav it.” You know, just in case. It’s good to be clear about these things.

(TERRY: What are those three long things dangling from your head?

ME: Umm, I’m guessing maybe my body and my two gigantic arms? Although one of them DOES look more like a cigarette, now I come to look at it…)

I really hope the fairies didn’t get too excited about all of this, though, because even although I’ve written the words “you can hav it”, I didn’t actually mean it. No, while most children I knew worked on a “tooth for money” basis, I liked to attach sentimental value to absolutely EVERYTHING as a child, so all fairies visiting MY house were under strict instructions to leave the money, by all means, but to ALSO LEAVE THE TOOTH, which I then added to the small but gruesome collection of old teeth which I kept inside a yellow plastic Kinder egg. (Not much in that transaction for the fairies, was there? Nice work, younger self!) My dad says he can remember that little egg still being in their house as recently as a few years ago. I would imagine it’s still there somewhere, so any visiting children could be in for one helluva nasty surprise…