The Hair: A Horror Story

Back when I wrote this post (which was about that time I flashed everyone at the local garage, thanks to a strong gust of wind and a big-skirted dress, just in case you can’t be bothered clicking the link), some of you were kind enough to say how much you liked the photos which accompanied it. And honestly, I felt a bit bad about that, because the fact is, that’s not what I actually look like most of the time.

HERE’S what I ACTUALLY look like most of the time:

Funnily enough, this is also going to be the poster for my very own horror movie, The Hair. Tagline: When hair is cut violently, a powerful curse is released…

OMGHAIR!

The curse cannot be broken:

(I’m also waltzing with a ghost in this photo. If you can see the ghost, I’m afraid you’re cursed, and your hair will kill you in your sleep tonight. If you can’t see the ghost, meanwhile? Also cursed. Sorry.)

The curse can strike at any time, and ruin any photo:

As you can see, in this photo Rubin’s special canine senses had alerted him to the approach of THE HAIR. He tried bravely to fight it (or perhaps he’s actually just struggling to get away from it, who knows?) but alas, it was too late, and that nice photo Terry had set up, with my disembodied head floating above some flowers, was ruined by the curse of THE HAIR.

Sometimes The Hair will find new and unusual ways to attack. There you will be, just walking along minding your own buisiness, when:


HAIR MOUSTACHE!

Think you can escape it?

THINK AGAIN:


Note the expression on my mum’s face here. She sees The Hair. She knows I’m doomed. She’s just wondering how to tell me. Or whether to run.

(No, I have no idea what was going on in this photo. Other than that  my hair was trying to kill me, obviously.)

You should also fear the close cousin of the Hair Moustache, the HAIR BEARD:


It’s a little more subtle, but just as deadly.

So, readers, while it’s not my intention to make you all have nightmares (I think I did that already when I posted the link to THAT OLD WOMAN from Insidious) I hope I’ve shown you today that you can run, but you cannot hide from…

THE HAIR.

Move over, Samara. There’s a new creepy girl in town.

(Coming soon to a blog near you.)

(Er, if you could maybe imagine the Psycho music or something playing here, thanks.)


Tags

27 Comments

  • Marianne says:

    Your hair color is SO pretty in the sun. I wish mine was like that!

  • Roisin says:

    I think you’re awesome. I’m an unashamed Amber McNaught fangirl, here :)

  • Sandy says:

    Killer hair! Oh noes! Maybe you could use your killer hair to whip away any ash clouds that may loom?!?

    At least your hair moustache and beard are from the killer hair…wait til you get older and have real ones! (I have a very unforgiving bathroom mirror and I’ve just made myself sound like a bearded lady!! I’m not. Much.)

  • Elisa says:

    :DD love you

  • Nikki G says:

    Your hair is very pretty, even if it is out to kill you. :)

  • katri says:

    My hair is out to get me too, just the other day I was crossing a bridge over the river when the wind was making my hair violently whip my face. I dye my hair red so maybe the colour is the source of all evil?

  • HAAAAA! Beautiful, stylish, smart, a great writer, and totally hysterical and self-deprecating?! You’re the total package!

    This was a fun post…thanks for sharing your outtakes!

  • hahahaa this is so funny! the first pic made me laugh out loud – thanks for that :) i’m a redhead too (but a fake one) and i really like your color :)

  • GawgusThings says:

    Hahahahaha!! Soo funny! Thanks for brightening my day with this hilarious post!! XXX

  • LOL! There’s a horror movie about a tire (yes, one single tire) so why not about hair? I’d probably watch it (wait, maybe there already is one, which prompted Britney to shave hers off? o_O)… Oh well, but the OMG HAIR made me think of this: OMG SHOES! I recently had it stuck in my head for no reason… again ^^

  • SACRAMENTO says:

    What a hairy laugh, hahahhahah.
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  • Terry says:

    Very funny :)

  • Anna says:

    Oh noes! I’ve had the same curse placed on me!

    But your hair is gorgeous, even if it is trying to kill you.

  • Siel says:

    Haha so funny!
    And your hair is absolutely gorgeous :)

  • Haha hilarious. You are just the funniest writer.

  • Ruth says:

    Aaaargh the hair is eating your face noooes!…
    I seriously love you :) And judging by the above posts, Terry has lots of competition..

  • Selina says:

    Lookit poor little Rubin in the last photo, cowering around the corner in fear for his life because he thinks The Hair is coming to get him!

  • Kerry says:

    Have you ever thought that this might be the source of those awful ‘redheads have no soul’ jokes? Maybe the redheads all keep taking photos like this and people start to fear THE HAIR!
    I don’t though, it looks like one of those hair flipping shampoo ads, but with a bit more character :)

  • Drea says:

    I have the same curse but as well as trying to eat me it tries to eat my boyfriend too. Was looking back at a photo of us and it looks like my hair is trying to grab his face XD

  • hahahahhaha! you are simply hilarious Amber, but I feel your pain, my hair ruins soooo many of my pictures it’s not even funny!!!

  • Ami says:

    I loved reading this post… it’s soooo funny
    I think I have the hair curse too, luckily now it’s a little shorter (chin level) but it still can find ways to ruin most of my pictures (especially the ones when I’m dancing)

  • Andrea says:

    You do have lovely hair, but I always think that you should go for a shorter do, or at least something with more shape to it. I think that the long length and lack of shape swamps you a but as you’re so petite. It would also highlight your face better.

    Please don’t think I’m being nasty, I’m really not, I love you and your blogs! x

  • Dana says:

    Haha this is such a great post ! You really made me laugh !!
    Despite al the HAIR pictures, I still love it ! The color looks amazing (wish I had a WHOO-color like that !) and it’s really pretty.

    Great blog ! I’m following !

  • Funny post! Hair can be annoying… but I wouldn’t want to chop mine off! Your dog is adorable in the last picture! :)

  • Olivia says:

    In the photo of the “hair beard” what are those shoes and where could I buy/what could I stalk ebay for? Thank you so much!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>