On Monday morning, I woke up 7am, to the sound of Terry swearing and muttering to himself in the hall, and to a REALLY strong smell pervading the house.

No, this isn’t an action replay of my last post: don’t worry, I’m not going to bore you with a million photos of rubber ducks and rollers again. This was Monday. And it turns out that my whole, “Oh, yeah, Rubin hardly EVER has his ‘accidents’ in the house now! Is a proper little angel, in fact!” thing? Well, famous last words.

Because this time the smell pervading the house wasn’t onion bhajis.

It wasn’t even pee.


Yes, he did.

And also all over himself and his bed.

So I spent the early hours of Monday morning showering a strangely excited dog, who seemed to think he was in line for some kind of REWARD for his performance. Terry, meanwhile, spent those same early hours scrubbing the floor, the shelves and Rubin’s bed down with bleach. Then scrubbing himself. Then spraying air-freshner throughout the house, and by “air-freshner” I mean “we didn’t actually have any air freshener, so he used deodorant instead.” Thanks, Rubin.

Thankfully, Rubin’s aim isn’t the greatest, so he missed all of the shoes. The intent was there, though, I’m sure of it.

And that’s why Rubin doesn’t get to sleep in the office any more. And why our house now smells very strongly of men’s deodorant.

  1. But look at that faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!

    The trouble with animals doing things like that is they forget about it straight afterwards and then give you their big sad eyes when you get mad because all they can think is ‘but I love you and want to go for a walk!’

    And then you feel stupid for being mad because they don’t even know what they did anyway. Argh.

    1. I know – unless you actually catch them in the act, there’s no point even scolding them because they’ve no idea why they’re in trouble: they just think you’re being randomly crazy!

      1. I have read about it too, but my dog always knows when he was sleeping on my parents’ bed, even hours after. Usually he gets crazy when mom comes home, but if she goes straight to her bedroom to check the bed and then says “Gray??” in this asking voice, he immediately runs to his bed and stays there for a while. He has never been punished for sleeping on the bed or anything, we prefer to close the door.. but sometimes we forget) and he knows he did it..)

  2. Thankfully the shoes were ok tho, my hubby always uses deodorant as air freshener too…must be a man thing?

    My want for a fuzzy dog is waning now…strange that. LOL!

  3. All the washable bits of my sofa are drying, and the rest is soaked in Febreeze after bunny decided it was a better place to pee, behind the cushion so I wouldn’t see, rather than her litter corner.
    I can relate. 🙁

    At least the shoes survived!

  4. Defacating and urinating inappropriately could be an indication of a social/environmental stressor or it could be an indication of a serious medical issue. Since Rubin is defacating on himself and in his bed, I would suspect a medical problem before a behavioral one. It could be that he can no longer hold it long enough to indicate his need to “go out.” The problem could be neurological, he could be in pain, he could have a GI infection, the possibilities go on so I encourage you to take him to a Vet for tests. Rubin is communicating to you that something is wrong and it needs to be addressed. If the problem is medical, he needs your help. I had a similar situation with my cat and my Vet told me nothing was medically wrong with her even though my instincts told me something was. I did not obtain a second opinion because I wanted to believe him. A few years later I learned too late that she had developed arthritis in her hips and a serious neurological condition which put her into chronic pain. She was trying to tell me something was wrong the entire time. By the time she was properly diagnosed by a competent Vet it was too late to help her. She had to be euthanized but my greatest regret is that the last several years of her life were in constant pain. Take Rubin to a Vet. Now.

    1. Monica, I understand that you mean well, and are trying to be helpful, and I am genuinely grateful for your concern, but you’ve just diagnosed my dog with a serious medical condition, having never met him, and basing your “evidence” on a 200-word blog post, which was written with an aim of providing entertainment. I feel you’re jumping to conclusions here: do you not think there could perhaps ALSO be a much more ordinary explanation which you’re just not aware of? For instance:

      Defacating and urinating inappropriately could be an indication of a social/environmental stressor or it could be an indication of a serious medical issue.

      Or it COULD just have been an accident, caused by the fact that it poured all weekend, Rubin consistently refused to go out in the rain, and Terry and I went out for the evening. Sometimes dogs DO have accidents in the house: I’m not sure why you’re discounting all but the most frightening explanation?

      “Since Rubin is defacating on himself and in his bed, I would suspect a medical problem before a behavioral one.

      a) This has happened ONCE.
      b) He didn’t deliberately defecate on himself, and he didn’t defecate IN his bed: his bed was right next to the shelf he pooped on, and he is a Bichon Frise, which means that he has a lot of fur, which poop gets caught up in sometimes. (Sorry to be so graphic.)

      Just in case there are other people out there who have read this post and are thinking that because Rubin had an accident in the house at the weekend, he is obviously serioulsy ill, I just want to stress that although I write what I hope are funny stories about Rubin and his occasional accidents, Terry and I do our best to be responsible pet owners, and we take Rubin’s health very seriously. Rubin sees the vet regularly for check-ups and inoculations: his last one was just a few months ago, and the vet pronounced him to be in excellent health. We would NEVER ignore a symptom which was out of the ordinary, or which we felt might indicate something serious, and of course, yes, if Rubin was doing this kind of thing regularly, I would agree that it was a cause for concern, and I would take him to the vet. But he is not, so I feel that it’s scaremongering to suggest that a single incident can only be “a serious medical issue,” and cannot possibly be explained any other way.

      Again, thank you for worrying about Rubin: I very much appreciate your concern, and I’m very sorry to hear about your cat.

      I guess I should shelve my plans to write about that one time years ago when Rubin pooped on the sofa then, huh?

      1. Amber,
        I apologize for misunderstanding your posts about Ruben’s accidents in the house. I misread the line that he’d defacated “all over himself and his bed” and the one the other day where he’d urinated in the house as being something he biologically could not control. The parallels I drew between Ruben and my cat overwhelmed me because that is how things began with her. I was in tears when I posted my comment and I meant no harm, no scaremongering, and no offense to you or Terry as pet owners. I was sincerely trying to help, again I apologize for this grave misunderstanding.

        1. It’s OK, as I said, I realised you meant well, and it’s my fault for not explaining that particular line properly: I didn’t give more context because it was just supposed to be a short, humorous post, and as most dogs I’ know have had the occasional accident in the house, it honestly didn’t occur to me that people might see it as a cause for serious concern, or think that it was enough information to make any kind of diagnosis from. And, well, because it was a story about poop, and I figured people could probably do without the gory details 🙂

          It’s definitely not an uncontrollable thing for Rubin, though: it was just an accident, probably caused by him refusing to go out in the rain often enough. It happened a week ago now, and he has been completely fine since then 🙂

  5. Rubin’s not unwell he’s just a dog who doesn’t like the rain. And… sometimes it’s his crazy kind of payback when you’ve both been gone for the evening. I see him every week and he’s a sweet dog with lots of character.

  6. Ha Ha awesome… I love your blog even your mum posts on here. Lol animals are funny as long as he didn’t hit your shoes and he is ok that’s the main thing. I’m pretty sure if he had a serious problem he would be doing it on a regular basis… which I assume he’s not.

  7. My Pig used to pee in my shoes (well only in the shoes that were on the bottom shelf of my shoe shelves) but luckily he’s gotten over that. But I guess poop is worse. Buddy (my dog, lives with my mum and dad cause he and the pig don’t get along..), he poops in the middle of the livingroom when it’s raining and he didn’t properly poop outside. He always manages to find a spot that is so that someone is bound to step in it unawares in the morning (usually my mum’s the lucky person). Animals are funny that way, but you gotta love them:)

  8. Oh Amber, you know how I love a Rubinman dirty protest story! They’re my fave 😀
    This will make you feel slightly better tho.
    Just last week I came in from work shattered. I headed straight to our bedroom and sat down on the bed to untie my shoes. While doing this I got this strange “warm feeling” at the base of my back. Damn, another twinge of sciatica I thought. But now it felt oddly wet down there too… I turned around and there was Teddy. Leg cocked, pissing on me.
    See. Happens to the best of us xx

    1. Not only did I laugh, I actually read this comment while I was at my parents’ house, and I laughed so much, I had to read it aloud. And then they all laughed too. Sorry, I know we shouldn’t, but oh, that Teddy!

      This actually reminds me of the time I was ironing a white bedsheet, and suddenly got this really strong whiff of urine. I looked down, and there was the young Rubin, leg raised, peeing on the pristine white sheet I’d just washed, and looking me right in the eye, as if to say, “SO? What are you gonna do about it?”

  9. Oh, Rubin. He’s lucky he’s cute. I mean, fearsome. Of course you have to forgive such a fearsome WOLF.

    (Suddenly the hairball in the middle of my bedroom floor that my cat surprised me with earlier doesn’t seem so bad, haha.)

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