He said sit back down where you belong, in the corner of my bar with your high heels on

 

Black Halo Jackie O dress

DRESSEMBER, Day 3
Dress, Black Halo ‘Jackie O’ dress, (c/o Shopbop); shoes, River Island

This Saturday was my friend Lindsay’s birthday party, which was being held in a club in Edinburgh.

“I’ll get ready super-early,” I thought. “Then there’ll be no last-minute rush, with Terry sitting outside in the car with the engine running, while I run around the house in my dressing gown and two different shoes. And if my hair turns into a giant frizz-ball, I’ll have time to tame it, rather than having to resort to a last-minute messy bunhead! And I’ll have time to take outfit photos that don’t completely suck! Yes, I will definitely make sure I get ready early!”

Then, having had that thought, what I did was, I sat on my ass all day, drank a lot of coffee, and completely re-built my Sim-self’s house in Sims Social.  Time passed astonishingly quickly in this way, and finally, it got to the point where I really HAD to have a shower if there was to be any hope of me having time to do my hair, and make it good n’massive, the way I like it. So what I did THEN was, I built my Sim a swimming pool, and a deck with a hot tub. Then I went to have my shower.

What happened next was very long and traumatic, but I’ll boil it down for you quickly:

Remember the time I left a colour-depositing hair conditioner on for too long and it turned my hair bright orange?

Remember that super-awesome new conditioner I told you about a few weeks ago?

Remember when Geri Halliwell was in the Spice Girls, and she had those two blonde stripes at the front of her head, and the rest of it was red?

THAT. Only, on me, the blonde stripes were my usual colour, and the rest of it was REALLY, REALLY RED. Like, the type of red that does not occur in nature. THAT red.

In other words, yes, I made the same mistake twice. Yes I did.

Black Halo dress

In my defence, this was a different shade of the conditioner. (REALLY REALLY RED, I think it’s called.) I had used it last week for the first time, and it had made absolutely no difference to my hair colour whatsoever, so I figured it would be safe enough to leave it on for a bit longer this time. Um, even although the instructions specifically tell you not to do that. (I know, I know…) And obviously I didn’t apply it properly either, because, as I said, my fringe was left untouched, while the rest of my head looked like I’d spilled ketchup on it.

“No worries,” I thought, worrying. “It’s a wash-in, wash out colour. It’ll just wash right out!”

The conditioner is supposed to last for three washes. People, I am here to tell you that NO. IT DOESN’T. I stopped counting somewhere around five. And of course, the problem was that I am stupid each time I shampooed it, my wet hair would be too dark to really tell whether I’d got the stuff out or not, so I’d have to start blow-drying it, only to find that whoops, nope, still the colour of a postbox! And then the whole process would have to start again.

green suede slingback shoes

I spent what felt like hours hopping in and out of the shower. By the end of it, my hair was like straw (I did put on some deep-conditioner, but by then I didn’t have time to really let it sink in), I was running late, and I STILL had a huge patch of ketchup on the top of my head. So I ended up with a last-minute rush, with Terry having to leave to pick up our friends and drop-off Rubin with my parents, while I rushed around the house in my dressing gown and two different shoes. And actually, I had planned to wear a completely different outfit, but by that point my confidence was shaken, so I went for my fail-safe standby: the little black dress. The dress you reach for when you know that if you don’t reach for something, your husband will probably just march you out of the house in your dressing gown. GOD.

And after all of that? You can’t even see the giant red patch, can you?

(My Sim house looks AMAZING, though, seriously.)


26 Comments

  • Kerry says:

    First off, your Sims house sounds AWESOME. I finished all the challenges a little while back so opted to quickly delete the game before I got sucked into playing it just for decorating purposes. You may be tempting me back again with that mention of a deck with a hot tub….

    Secondly, when the page loaded I thought ‘whoa Amber’s hair looks amazing!’ so it must have done some good in there somewhere – it’s all shiny and vibrant! And when your rushed, last minute pictures turn out as good as this, why the heck wouldn’t you spend all day on Sims Social??

    • Amber says:

      Aww, thanks Kerry – this was literally the only usable photo of the lot : you should see the ones I deleted!

      I have to admit, I’m playing Sims Social purely for decorating purposes now: there’s not much we can do with our own house, so I decorate for the Sim instead :)

      • Moni says:

        Guess what? I’m playing Sims 3, had my Sim choose the “Interiour Designer” career, and it’s the greatest thing ever! I’m not really interested in visiting virtual bars or raising virtual babies. Decorating and re-decorating houses is the real fun! :)

  • Emily says:

    You look like a superstar! Definitely can’t see anything wrong with your hair.

    Reading your blog makes me laugh so much! Not really in the sense that I’m laughing at you in a cruel way, just that your writing style is hilarious.

    • Amber says:

      Thank you for saying that – I’m constantly on the verge of giving this blog up, because I feel like no one really reads it any more, and comments like that convince me to keep it up a little while longer :)

      • Emily says:

        Nooo you definitely shouldn’t delete it! I always enjoy reading your posts, though most of the time I never think to comment. But I’m sitting here laughing and admiring :)

  • Louise says:

    It wouldn’t matter what colour you accidentally dyed your hair, you’d still look fabulous!!

    • Amber says:

      :)

      I think if I’d managed to dye it all the same colour, I wouldn’t have felt so self-conscious about it: it was the Geri Halliwell effect that threw me! Luckily it was too dark in the club for it to be seen!

  • Courtney says:

    I love this dress and shoe combo, it’s no wonder that it is a go-to look for you. You look awesome!

  • Becca says:

    I’m not sure what it is about this outfit, but you TOTALLY remind me of Kelly Taylor from 90210. It’s a good look for you, :)

    • Amber says:

      OMG, Kelly Taylor was my heroine back in the day, so that’s a huge compliment!

      • Becca says:

        Oh, good! That’s definitely how it was intended, but some people feel weird about being compared to mid-’90s fashion icons (if someone told me I reminded them of Donna Martin, I would probably curl my lip a bit, but Kelly was the queen).

  • Suya says:

    I will never stop reading this blog so that I can constantly stare at your shoe shelves! (Kidding. Uhmm, not so much actually.) But seriously, your writing style is witty and I’m always so glad to hear I’m not the only one who is just unable to get ready on time :)

    • Amber says:

      It’s like a disease, I swear – no matter how much time I have to get ready, I always end up with a last-minute panic!

  • Amy says:

    You kill me! I’d like to hear about this from Terry’s perspective – did HE think your hair looked that bad?

  • Rachel says:

    I can’t tell you how good it is to hear that someone else has the same kinds of day to day misadventures as me. I read so many blogs and beyond the fact that the authors are inspiring or really put together, everything always seems to go so smoothly for them. I can’t tell you what a struggle just showering can be for me. Today, I thought I’d try a new fabulous Hawaiian inspired salt soak….Large chunks of flowers started pouring out of the container into the water that i’m already in. What in the world is that?!?! I don’t want to be touched by those while I’m trying to get clean! Ah. Oh well. I hope to read your blog for a long time. You’re wit and style are fabulous!

    • Amber says:

      Lol! You sound just like me :) And I know what you mean – I read a lot of blogs which make me think, “Wow, how on earth do these people manage to be so perfect all the time?! I seem to just lurch from one mini-disaster to another!

  • Selina says:

    You and your hair look gorgeous. And your Sim’s house also looks gorgeous, so it was totally worth the work. You’re second highest of my friends you know, the only one higher than you is someone who has called her Sim Skanky Pants. *sigh*

    • Amber says:

      Oh no, don’t tell me that: I will have to beat this “Skany Pants! (!) now! Skany Pants is goin’ down! That’s next Saturday planned out then :)

      (Terry and my sister-in-law are both way ahead of me in it, and totally unbeatable. Terry takes great pleasure in creating houses which are… surreal, to say the least!)

  • Pamada says:

    i just started following you (thanks to a “dressember” google). all i can say is you’re all sorts of adorable.

    that is all :)

    Pamada
    http://pandippo.blogspot.com

  • Ophelia says:

    “Preparation is like gas; it expands to fill the space allotted.” – Belle de Jour

    I love your attitude, you turn all the little annoying things in life in a witty joke. And great style.

  • mandi b says:

    Please don’t ever stop writing this blog! You make me roar with laughter and then I read it all to my husand and roar with laughter again!! <3

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