“SNOWCIALMEDIA WHITEOUT” (Snow’shul’meedja white’out): the situation that arises when every snowflake that falls on the British Isles is so ruthlessly documented on Twitter, Facebook and other social networks that all non-snow related commentary is excluded, and a state of complete “Snowcialmedia Whiteout” is achieved, with the afore-mentioned networks being used solely to comment on the presence or absence of snow. (“It’s snowing!” “Oooh, you lucky thing, it’s not snowing here yet!” “No snow here either :(“) Suggested usage: “Finally! The last one of my Facebook friends just posted a photo of their garden under a small dusting of snow: that makes it a complete Snowcialmedia Whiteout!”
Yes, I’m a sarcastic little snot today. I’m also a raging hypocrite, because here I am, contributing to the ongoing Snowcialmedia Whiteout myself, by posing in a field covered in a very slight dusting of snow. (By the time we took these photos, it had already melted everywhere else, so I had to stand on the rock-hard ground in order to get the white background, which is why I ended up looking like the kind of idiot who wears heels to walk on grass. GOD.) And, of course, because talking about the fact that everyone’s talking about snow, is… still talking about snow. I kind of hate myself right now. I would’ve liked this site to be a kind of refuge from all of the OMGSNOW hysteria – the last homely house east of the sea, if you will – but I may or may not also have taken a blurry iPhone photo of my garden on Saturday morning, and by “may have” I mean, “you’ll be seeing it any day now, as part of that 365 thing I’ve been doing.” What can I say, folks: the snow madness is clearly spreading. It infects us all, even those of us who have well and truly reached their saturation point with exposure to the word “snow”.
While I’m on the subject, here are some other words and phrases I have now reached saturation point with and never want to hear ever again:
“Can you send some snow to me?”
“Let’s arrange a deskside!”
OK, that last one has only ever been said to me once, and I actually still don’t really know what the person was suggesting (A conversation…at the side of a desk, presumably? But why so specific, if so? I mean, I don’t ask people to come and have a “sofa-in-front-of-the-TV-side” with me? Maybe I should? I am so confused right now.) but it annoyed me so much I still think of it from time to time. Yes, I know: I need to get out more. I can’t, though, because I don’t know if you were aware of this, but it’s been snowing here in the UK. Ha, we kept that one quiet, didn’t we!
Anyway, having read thus far, you now find yourselves with three options:
1. Tell me off for being such a “Negative Nancy”, only please don’t use the phrase “Negative Nancy”, because that’s another one I never, ever want to hear again.
2. Join in by telling me which words and phrases YOU never want to hear again.
3. Completely ignore me and go and update your snowcial media accounts.
Over to you!