The Black and White Days


black and white dress

black and white dress

monochrome

[Dress: River Island (2012) // Top: Primark // Boots: Topshop (2011) // Bag: vintage, c/o my mum's closet // sunglasses: House of Harlow 'Chelsea' (sold out in black, but in tortoiseshell here)]

I’m embarrassed to admit it – although probably not nearly as embarrassed as I should be – but when I was a little girl, I briefly believed that it wasn’t just the photos and movies from The Olden Days which were in black it white: it was EVERYTHING. As in, I thought the world used to be black and white, with absolutely no colour anywhere.

“Mummy,” I would say seriously. “What was it like in the black and white days? Did you ever meet Jesus?”

(OK, I didn’t say the bit about Jesus. Because obviously HIS time was in technicolour, as evidenced by that musical he was in that one time. I did say the rest, though. And I was 22 at the time.)

(I also briefly believed that Adam and the Ants were the first people to inhabit the earth. Just imagine how much better Songs of Praise would be if that were actually true!)

Why am I telling you this? Damned if I know. Oh no, wait: it’s because of the monochrome look, which is being touted as the OMGHOTTREND of summer 2013. NOT because of Adam and the Ants, you’ll be relieved to know. These outfit photos could’ve gone in a completely different direction there, huh?

Now, as many of you know, I don’t give a crap about HOT TRENDS or being “bang on trend” and all that jazz (Actually, I’d happily kill the phrase “bang on trend” with fire. I urge you all to do the same.). In fact, the only reason I even know about them is because I write about this stuff for The Fashion Police, which means PR people are always sending me emails with titles like “How to work this season’s monochrome look!” and “Are you worried about how to make that difficult harem pant trend work for YOU?” (To which I always want to respond, “Er, no? Do people actually worry about how they’re going to force themselves to wear something hideous, just because it’s been deemed “fashionable”? Because those people have way too much time on their hands, if so…”)

So I don’t care about being fashionable, is what I’m saying. But! As I mentioned back when I was rambling on about peplum tops, in every person’s life there does occasionally come a time when the stars mysteriously align, and a look you really like becomes trendy. When this happens, you basically have two options:

OPTION 1. Throw your hands up in the air and complain loudly about how all these people have STOLEN your look, that you basically invented, because you’ve been dressing like that since you were in the WOMB, for God’s sake, and these upstarts are just doing it to be trendy. I call this approach, “Being a hipster.”

OPTION 2. Run, don’t walk, to the nearest mall, and buy ALL the things, then come home and roll around in them, revelling in the fact that you’ve been able to buy the things you love without a lengthy eBay search and a whole lot of money changing hands. I call THIS approach, “What I’ll probably do.”

In other words: you can expect to be seeing a lot of black and white around here in the coming months, and if I appear to be fashionable at any point, don’t worry, it’s just a coincidence. I’m ushering in the monochrome era with this dress, which I had to “winterise” by layering a long-sleeved top underneath, on account of the dress having elbow-length sleeves, DAMN THEM. And tights. And a slip to stop the tights constantly snagging on the dress. And a coat over the top, completely hiding the dress, and making me wonder why I even bothered, obviously.  And OMG, I HATE LAYERING. Seriously, I’ve come to accept that I will never understand why The Others get so giddy at the prospect of being “all bundled up”, but that isn’t going to stop me complaining about it. It’s SO much easier to just throw on a dress and some shoes, like you do in summer. It’s also much more comfortable, and if you don’t believe me, YOU try wearing a bunch of layers under a bodycon dress, then get back to me. And I’m ALL about the comfort. Ahem.

Still, winter can’t last forever, can it? Only another 56 days to go…

why can't I keep my hair out of my face in these photos?

P.S. Please excuse my hair in these – we’ve had really high winds the past couple of days, and it was completely impossible to keep it out of my face, and stop it trying to  attack me. On the plus side, at least I don’t need to bother trying to style it at the moment. Or blow-dry it, for that matter…