Back when I was in my early teens, I was given a book about beauty. This book would probably have been a little dated even then (It was called ‘Miss Petersham’s Beauty Rules for Young Ladies of Good Breeding’, or something like that.) (It totally wasn’t, but you get what I’m saying.), but nevertheless, I pored over it, until I knew it almost off-by-heart. I was quite obsessive about stuff in those days. If I was going to do something, you better believe I was going to do it RIGHT, and by God, I was going do ‘beauty’ RIGHT. Just as soon as my mum let me start wearing makeup, obviously.
Anyway, this book was full of so-called “rules” about beauty. Most of them I’ve long-since forgotten, but some have stayed with me, and I stick to them pretty religiously. I don’t think I’ve ever gone to sleep wearing makeup, for instance, I’m careful to the point of paranoia about suncreen, and … er, that’s pretty much it, actually. Damn, I could’ve sworn there were more of these!
Other beauty rules, however… well, I’m not so good at sticking to those. Not at all. For instance…
Throw products out as soon as they reach their expiry dates
I’m always reading about how every product has an expiry date, after which you should throw it straight into the bin, as if you’re THROWING AWAY MONEY, but … yeah, I don’t always do that. Because it would be like THROWING AWAY MONEY. Foundation and mascara both get used up long before their expiry dates, as does skincare, so I’m not too bad with those, but seriously, you don’t even want to know how old some of the eye shadows still in my stash are. Hell, I don’t even know how old some of them are – my memory doesn’t go back that far. As soon as I finish writing this post, I’m going to go and throw out all my old eye-shadow. I’m serious.
Use hand and body lotion every day
Nope, and nope. I have a huge collection of body butters and various other creams (Er, I should probably throw those out too, while I’m dealing with the eye-shadow situation…), and I always have the best of intentions to use them morning and night, so my skin becomes lovely and soft, and not rough and scaly, like a dragon’s. The reality is that I hardly ever use them AT ALL, because there just never seems to be a good time to do it. I don’t want to get my clothes covered in sticky lotion, after all, and I don’t want my bedsheets to get covered in it either, so unless I want to wander around naked for a while (Which, just for the record, I don’t. I feel the cold too much…), there’s just never a good time. Same with hand lotion: it has to be one that sinks in INSTANTLY, or I just won’t use it. I need my hands, people!
Wash makeup brushes after every use
OK, so maybe The Rules don’t require you to wash them after EVERY use (Actually, The Rules are pretty vague on this one: I’ve heard people recommend everything from washing after every use, to every couple of months…) (This is not a request for advice, by the way), but I’m fairly sure you’re supposed to wash them more regularly than I manage. I know, between this and the ancient eye-shadows, I’m an absolute disgrace. I DO wash my foundation brushes regularly, because they’d be gross otherwise, but powder brushes… well, not so much. I’ll do them as soon as I’ve finished with the eye shadow and the body lotions, OK?
(In my defence… er, I haven’t ever died from this? Or had an eye infection or anything? I know, I know: first time for everything…)
Drink lots of water
Does ANYONE actually drink enough water? Because pretty much everyone I know is all, “Oh, I really need to drink more water! I know! I’ll buy a 2 litre bottle of Evian, put it on my desk, and make sure I drink it by the end of the day! Because that will totally work!”
It. Never. Works. Or not for me, anyway. Even if it’s right in front of me, I forget to drink the water, because, coffee. Coffee has water in it, right?
Only use high-end hair products
Every time I see a hair stylist, they always:
a) compliment me on the good health of my hair, and ask me what I use on it.
b) totally freak-out when I tell them I use whatever happens to be on special offer when we do our grocery shop, even it’s one of the OMGEVIL products which coat your hair with silicone, and are like a ticking timebomb, just waiting to explode, and also to make your hair fall out. Then they recommend a salon-only product instead, and it’s always something like £20 per bottle, which, just, NO.
Look, I have long hair: it takes a lot of product, and I can easily get through a regular-sized bottle of conditioner a week. £80 per month is way more than I’m willing to spend on hair products, which is why I take my chances in the beauty aisle of the supermarket. I’m also always a bit dubious when people tell me cheaper products are going to damage my hair, because if that was the case, shouldn’t my hair be, well, damaged by now, given that I’ve been using them for years? I don’t think it is, so as much as I’ve love to be able to only ever use fancy, high-end products, it’s probably not going to happen. I mean, I could buy two bottles of expensive conditioner, or I could buy this dress. I’m obviously going to buy the dress, aren’t I? No, seriously: I am totally going to buy that dress…
So, now that you’ve heard my shameful beauty confessions, you can feel free to either share yours in return, or scold me for my lack of sense/provide me with unsolicited advice. (I’d prefer the first option…)