I’ve been dreading writing this post for 14 years – almost to the day. Now that I have to do it, I think I’m just going to do it quickly, like ripping off a band aid, and not think too much about it. Apologies in advance.

From the minute we brought Rubin home as a puppy, I knew that one day we would lose him, and that that day would be one of the hardest ones I would ever have to live through. I know it probably sounds silly to a lot of you, but I would literally lie awake and worry about it, feeling almost as if there was some invisible clock counting down the days, the hours and the minutes – which I guess, in a way, there was.

Yesterday, that clock stopped.

Rubin’s health hadn’t been great for a few months now, but over the last couple of weeks, it started to go downhill horrifyingly fast. We’d been back and forth to the vet’s with him multiple times, and they’d given him various different pills and medications, none of which had made the slightest bit of difference, so when we took him in again on Friday morning, we were hoping for the best, but, in our hearts, we both knew he wouldn’t be coming home.

We knew this, but all the same, when the vet (Who’d kept him in for observation, and to run some tests) called a few hours later to let us know there was nothing more they could do, and that we should come down to say goodbye, we were absolutely shattered by it. I feel like I’ve been preparing for this for years now – and even more so over the last few months, when we knew time was running out – and yet I was totally unprepared for how it would feel to kiss his little fluffy white head for the very last time, and know I would never see my lovely little friend again.

We are both absolutely heartbroken.

We got Rubin just two months after we moved into our first house together. As well as being a huge part of our family, he was, as Terry commented yesterday, the metronome of our lives: every part of our day was structured around Rubin, or accompanied by Rubin, and now that he’s gone, we feel like we’ve lost much more than “just” a pet – we’ve lost a huge part of our lives, and ourselves, and it’s hard to imagine anything every feeling the same again right now. We have always been a threesome, and now that we’re just two, the house feels horribly quiet and empty, with memories lurking in every corner to leap out and break our hearts all over again.

Yesterday morning, I posted a photo of Instagram, to let my followers there know what was happening. It wasn’t a photo of Rubin: I couldn’t (and still can’t, hence the photo on the this post) bring myself to scroll through my camera roll and see his bright eyes looking back at me, while knowing I wouldn’t see them again. But after I posted it, it suddenly occurred to me that there will be other photos after that one: other days, weeks, months and years to fill – that we will spend more of our lives without him than we did with him. One day this will be something that happened many years ago, and it’s almost impossible for me to comprehend that our little Rubin will now just be a memory: that there will be no more photos, no more hugs, no sound of his feet running up the stairs to greet me in the morning. Already, the clock has had the temerity to move on without him: today was the first day in 14 years that we woke up in a world without him in it, and I feel almost offended that this could have been allowed to happen.

I know all of this will make very little sense to those of you who don’t love animals, or see them as part of the family (and if that’s you, I would respectfully ask you not comment to tell me that…), but I know a lot of my readers had come to know and love Rubin over the years I’ve been writing about him, and will understand all too well how Terry and I (and my parents, Terry’s mum, and everyone else who loved him…)  are feeling right now, which is why I wanted to write this post, as hard as it’s been. I already had some posts scheduled for next week when this happened, and I’m just going to let them go up as planned (I know no one is expecting me to just keep churning out blog content right now: I just didn’t want you to see them go up and think I was totally heartless…), but it will obviously take us a long time to feel anything like “normal” again, so I hope you’ll bear with me in the meantime.

Finally, I’ve written this post in floods of tears, and I actually can’t bear the thought of reading back over it right now to check for typos, so I’m just going to hit publish and hope it’s at least somewhat legible. Thanks so much for reading…

  1. Dearest Amber and Terry, I am in tears reading this post and I truly pity anyone who doesn’t understand the huge loss you’re experiencing. Our lovely dog Paddy died two years ago and I still think of him and miss him all the time – because he was a member of my family who I loved. I’m so sorry that Rubin is gone and I hope that in the days and weeks to come you’ll be able to find comfort in the fact that he had the happiest of lives – a fact that you could see from his cheeky, happy face in every single photo you ever shared of him. Love to you both xxx

  2. I am so sorry for your loss and even those words won’t help you right now, it’s all I (a stranger on the internet) who has felt the same fears and has felt the same loss can offer x

  3. I am so sorry to read this news 🙁
    My heart goes out to you both. Dogs embed themselves into your lives in such a beautiful way. The past couple of years my husband and I both lost family dogs who’d been in our lives for over a decade. It’s truly devastating. It takes longer than you think for your mind to stop thinking it’s hearing the trot-trot of doggy steps moving through the house or the tinkle of the collar. Rubin posts were so lovely to read, he will be sorely missed x

  4. Oh Amber, I’m so, so sorry to hear this, and my heart certainly dropped, too…
    I wish I could do more than send you virtual hugs. My heart goes out to you and Terry, and I promise I’ll remember your little wolf fondly.

  5. As a longtime reader, I am so very sad to read this. I will miss seeing the little man in your blog posts very much. He was adorable and obviously had a great personality and a huge place in your hearts. As someone who lost my own little soul doggie 3 years ago (I’ve had other dogs, but he was the one I had the most connection to) I can tell you that while the sadness is never really less, it becomes different and a bit more bearable with time. You guys were very good doggie parents and Rubin was very lucky to have you. Sending you big virtual hugs. ❤️

  6. So so sorry for your loss Amber, although it’s not the same, I lost my beloved hamster Higgins at the end of last year and my heart broke. He was there for me through university and vets commented on the fact they’d never seen a relationship quite like it between human and hamster. He was my companion through very lonely days and when I lost him, everything stopped.
    I don’t think there is anything I can say that will make it better but know that time will heal all. Pets leave paw prints on our heart in quite a way I don’t think we expect.
    Ruben was very lucky to have you as you were to have him.
    Sending all the well wishes in the world. ❤❤

  7. I am so very sorry for your loss. Please allow yourselves the room and time to grieve. Be gentle with yourself and don’t worry what other people think about it. You have lost a family member.

  8. Oh Amber, I’m so sorry. I’m in tears reading, and that’s a testament to Rubin’s wonderful personality and the way you captured his spirit in your posts and photos over the years. I fondly remember the blog Rubin used to write (such a talent) and some of the antics he got up to as a young and not so young dog. I also know what that vet’s trip is like and how empty home feels afterward. Sending you and Terry and all the family love and good thoughts. xo

  9. Oh no! I am so sorry to read this news. Take time to mourn as losing a pet who is part of the family is always so sad and it takes a while for things to feel ‘normal’ again. xx

  10. Since we got Noodle, my internal thoughts and worries echo what you’ve written so beautifully.

    I’m sitting here now with his head on my lap, and my heart aches for you both. I’m so sorry this day has come. Much love to you both.

  11. I’m so sorry for your and Terry’s loss, Amber. We lost our family dog Megan six months ago. It’s hard still to even write her name. She was so much a part of our lives and our family, I still miss her everyday.

    Thoughts with you both.

  12. This is a very terrible moment and anyone who cannot understand it would do well to be silent on it. After the last few months for this to happen as well is horribly unfair. I am very, very sorry about this. From every blog post you wrote it was apparent that Ruby was a great and important part of your life, and it is only natural that things will now be hard. All my condolences.

  13. Oh Amber, so heartbroken for you. I can’t even imagine how lost you must feel without him right now. Try and take comfort knowing what a wonderful, happy life you and Terry gave him, he couldn’t have been a more loved pup! Big hugs xx

  14. Dear amber and Terry, I am so sorry for your loss. I have an old dog (almost 17) and I know how it feels living day by day with the fear of losing a dear friend. I am in tears right now. Sending a big hug to you both. Goodbye Rubin

  15. I am sorry for your heartbreak. Rubin was clearly dearly loved and adored. He brought so much joy to you, and to us, as we got to read about his antics. (I used to love to read those posts “written” by Rubin)
    When I had to bring our 13 year old dog to the vet when she had a stroke, it is a day that m is imprinted in my mind. I couldn’t say her name for a couple years without crying ( and I am not a crier). You articulated perfectly what my heart felt in words, especially about time passing (it has been 9 years since Esther died). There will be a time when it feels less raw for you, but you never stop remembering how woven they were into your life. It is amazing how a dog can be such a huge part of who you are as a person.

  16. I have a tear in my eye reading this both for you and for me as I know as Oscar gets older this day will come. They become such a big part of our lives it’s hard to imagine life without them. Take care xx

  17. So sorry to hear that he’s gone. A pet is much, much more than those three letters make them seem.

    Sterkte for the coming time.

  18. So sorry for your loss. In his pictures he always looked so happy and content. We could all tell how much he was loved. ❤️

  19. As much as you know the day will come you still have to go through the grief and it is horrible. A pet is part of the family and of course it breaks your heart to have to say goodbye. I think all of us who had to do this will be able to understand….And whilst it is obviously not the same for me on any level, I have lost Rubin a little bit as well, through your blog he was also part of my life and I will miss hearing about him and his adventures. The love you both had for him was always shining through in your writing and that was a beautiful thing. Thinking of you both xx

  20. I know the feeling Amber. I’ve lost my dog 2 years ago and I still feel the pain in my heart every day. But I promise (no matter how cheese it sounds right now) it will get better with time. Sending you lots of love! xx

  21. I am so sorry for your loss. I know how heartbreaking this is because I went through it last July, suddenly losing my 11-year-old Golden Retriever. Sending sympathetic thoughts for you today.

  22. Sorry for you loss. There is no need to apologise for or explain how you feel. Love is love no matter where it goes. He was part of your life and you love him.

    He was often the star (or thought he was) of the blog and you could see how much he loved you and Terry.

    Sometimes the heart breaks not as pain so much as a reminder that someone mattered and they’re not here anymore. But the fact that they were here at all made life so much better.

    He was lucky to live with both you and Terry. The clock stops but love never does. Yes, life moves on but Rubin isn’t going to be forgotten.

    Take care and time for yourselves. May you be surrounded by the love and support you need

  23. Aw, Amber, I’m so sorry. I had a total scare with Jake a couple of months ago which led to me William howling down the phone to each other and, although he’s 14, we were devastated and completely unprepared for anything happening to him. It still makes me fill up now. I often think that people lack understanding of just how much a dog is part of the family unless they’ve experienced it. You gave Rubin such a great life and he knew he was a lucky boy x

  24. I’ve been dreading this announcement for a while now. Rubin is the whole reason I now adore Bichons. I’m so, so sorry for yours & Terrys loss. 😢

  25. I am so sorry! Losing a familiy member – no matter how many feet they use for walking – is heartbreaking. It will get easier eventually, I promise, even though you will always miss him.

  26. I am so sorry to hear this Amber, and Terry. Our dogs are family, they fill our days with joy, and are the loveliest companions in the world. I dread this day too for my own little pup, and can’t imagine a world without her. I will be thinking of your family xx

  27. Oh amber my dear – this is so heartbreaking. I have 2 little white fur balls at home and they are 8 years old now. I feel like even though they are bouncy and healthy now that this day looms in my future. My heart aches for you in all of the pain you’ve been facing over the last months. Thank you for sharing your story and Rubin with us all ❤️

  28. Terry and Amber, my heart breaks for you. I lost my beloved dog just a few days ago and it leaves a hole in your heart. Hugs for you both.

  29. So very sorry to read this, and am in floods of tears now, too. I grew to love little Rubin and his antics through your lovely, lively posts. Sending all best wishes and love to both of you and your families xxx

  30. I read the first paragraph, saw the word “Rubin” in the second and thought to myself “Rubin died. My heart might just break”. And it did.
    I’m quite a new reader, but in the few years that I’ve been following you, I came to really love that little fuffball. He was obviously such a sweet dog, and so dearly beloved by all of you, I can’t even begin to imagine how terrible you must all feel. With everything that went on this past fee months, it seems life doesn’t want to give you a break.
    All my best to you and Terry. These next days will be impossibly hard, but you will move on and remember him happily, thankful for all the time he spent together. I’m sending you all my love.
    Now I’m off to try not think about how my cat and dog are 13 and 8 years old…

  31. Oh, Amber. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Rubin was an amazing dog, and don’t let anyone make you feel as if the intensity or depth of your grief isn’t justified. That’s a reflection on them, not you.

    This is the hardest, worst part of having a pet, but I hope that, someday soon, you’ll be able to remember him for the joy and memories, and without the aching sense of loss predominating.

  32. I am so sorry for you and Terry. The loss of a pet friend is profound. I have loved seeing photos and videos of Rubin. As a reader of a few years and a dog-lover I will miss him. Thank you for sharing him with us. Know that many of us are mourning with you.

  33. I am so very sorry. I know exactly what you’re going through. I lost my cat of 14 years last May. It does get better with time, but it has been such a slow process for me. I still cry at times, it still hurts, and I cannot imagine ever even wanting a new, different cat in my life. So, don’t feel like a freak if it takes time. Let yourself grieve, no matter what people tell you, and please don’t beat yourself with guilt (it’s irrational and stupid, but I always tend to blame myself for absolutely everything, including this, and I know that pet owners often feel like they could’ve somehow prevented it).

  34. I just learned a phrase in my French course which perfectly expresses how I feel reading this post: Toutes mes condoléances. It means “all my (obv. -> ) condolences.” I was struck by the “all my,” part. I’ve experienced the loss of beloved furry family members, so I have complete sympathy for what you are going through. Thank you for your openness and authenticity. I wish the best for you and Terry in your time of grief.

  35. Dear Amber and Terry,
    I totally understand what you are feeling and feel myself very sad for you. I have lost animals too and know the emptiness and pain following their disparition. They are part of a family.

  36. Amber, I can’t figure out the words to say, our little Howl has had some scary moments, so when I read this my heart just stopped and broke for you. I want to hug you and wrap you in the snuggly blankets. Sometimes people don’t understand the connection and emotion that our pets cause. They’re really family.

  37. I am so sorry to hear this. I am crying reading this post, you captured his personality so well on this blog and it was so clear to me what a funny, sweet, special little guy he was. I can relate to everything you put so beautifully into words. I have two cats and I loved them from the second they walked into my life. I can’t imagine life without them. The day they turned four, I was crying because I felt that clock ticking. I know if I am lucky I have many, many more years with them before the day comes I have to say goodbye to them, but just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. Seeing someone actually go through the loss of a little friend breaks my heart. You and Terry, and ofcourse little Rubin, are in my thoughts. I hope one day you will be able to look at his pictures, with a smile instead of tears. Because someone is never truly gone, until they are forgotten. Sending so much love xxx

  38. Dear Amber and Terry,

    I’m so sad today reading your post. Rubin was such a great little guy and I so loved seeing him pop his head into your pics and hearing what he had been up to in your posts.

    I totally understand how devastated you are as he was a huge part of your family – a third. I dread the same day when I will have to let go of a third of our family.

    Rubin had such a happy life and he was so full of fun and happiness. He wouldn’t want you to be sad. Maybe in a few days or weeks you’ll be able to look and his photos and remember all the good times you had with him.

    Sending a hug to you both. He will be missed by so many.


  39. Oh Amber…whatever I begin to type seems somehow inadequate. I am so very saddened to read of your loss and my heart goes out to you and Terry. Our little four legged loves…they fill such huge spaces in our hearts and our lives that when they leave us the ache feels enormous. It hurts. Everywhere. Rubin lit up the blog with pure joy. Every. Time. I’ll miss him too.

    Wrapping you in the warmest cyber hug. xo

  40. I can only echo what others have said. It is heartbreaking to lose a pet, and there is no easy way to get over it. It’s little consolation, but I hope its clear that rubin was beloved by your readers too, and I’m sure most of us feel saddened and sorry for your loss. Hell, some of us have been reading so long Rubin feels like an extended part of our family too.
    Take care.

  41. This made me cry and brought back too many rough feelings and memories. I’m so sorry for your loss, it is the hardest thing to go through. We did it a couple of years ago when our 5 year old American Eskimo got sick and not a day goes by that I don’t think about her and what we could’ve done differently to save her. It does get easier to look at the photos, but the pain never fully goes away. My heart goes out to you.

  42. I am so sorry for your loss.
    He was a lovely little soul my heart is broke for you.
    I myself am the owner of a cavachon, who I just idolise and our world revolves around him .
    Thinking of you,
    I always liked the photos you put up of him on twitter, (my accounts private) and was always delighted to see him, he would brighten my day .

  43. Oh that’s awful. I remember his old blog and how entertaining that was. It was clear he was beloved way back then. To be such a major part of your lives and then suddenly he’s not there and never appears must be the hardest part. A friend of mine lost his dog and he spoke in similar terms. xx

  44. Oh God, what a tragic thing to happen. Pets are so much more than that, they are part of the family. We’ve only had our whippet for nine months or so but when we go on holiday, I miss him and I can’t imagine not having him in my life so 14 years loving the same dog? It must be crushing. I really feel for you and Terry at this horrible, difficult time.

  45. I’m heartbroken for your loss. Rubin was precious. I just lost my dog Carl after 18 years. He was a big black Labrador, so it was a miracle that I got to have him for so long. It still doesn’t help the pain . Sending you love, light, and lots of prayers.

  46. Dearest Amber and Terry, I am so sad to hear your news…I loved seeing Rubin’s cheery face in all of your photos! Our sweet dogs have their way of worming right into the depths of our hearts and souls…know that all of your readers are mourning with you. I hope someday you will look at all of your Rubin pics and they will bring your more joy than sadness, although the sadness will always be there in some measure. He always looked so happy to be with you!

  47. So sad :((( I’m terribly sorry for your loss. Rubin was a lovely part of not just your family, but because of your and his blog (which rocked, btw! :)) he was also a part of our little online community here. Because of your stories, I did feel like I almost knew him and having been a dog owner myself, I understand how hard it is to fathom that you will never see his face up close again or touch his soft fur and cuddle him. Animals have a soul and feelings and their very own characters, so when they have reached the end of their lives and we have to say goodbye, it means losing a precious living being.
    Big hugs from Germany!

  48. I’m so sorry for your loss Amber. I have followed your blog for many years and Rubin was always a highlight for me, what a darling little boy he was and you and Terry gave him such a happy life and loving home. I lost my little dog last year (the week before Christmas) and was heartbroken. I still am. He was my best friend and I still kiss his picture goodnight. Sending lots of warmth and love your way during this difficult time. Look after each other and remember how happy you made your precious dog. xxx

  49. I’m so sorry for your loss, sending you love and strength… I wish I had words to make the hurt lessen.. but I know there are none to be had . What a lucky little lamb to have you as his family xxx

  50. I am so, so sorry. I am on dog number 9 and it doesn’t get easier when they go. But no matter how much it hurts I always remind myself that the joy and love they bring is worth the pain. My current old lady has just had an extra big cuddle. Much love xx

  51. When I spoke to your mum and dad today I was crying with them when they told me about Rubin. He was one in a million, I have discovered recently exactly how unique each little personality is. Only you know his favourite things and his little ways that make you laugh.
    You gave him a great life, it wasn’t for him the life of many pets – no hours sitting on his own every day waiting for you to come home from work. You were always there for him.
    I’m sorry to say that the price of love is the pain you feel now, although it doesn’t feel like it now, it will get better. 🌈💗

  52. So sorry Amber, I know this feeling very well. We lost our wee Dolly 18 months ago and I still look for her and talk to her. Sounds mad but it gives me comfort because she’ll always be with Dave and me. She lives on in our hearts. Sending hugs. X

  53. I’m so, so sorry Amber 🙁 I’m sure so many of us know exactly how painful this is and my heart really goes out to you. It never gets easier, they bring so much joy into our lives that you forget how unbearable it is when they leave 🙁 Sending lots of love xxx

  54. I am truly sorry for your loss – Rubin was, and should absolutely be, a part of the family. I’m thinking of you and yours at this time xxx

  55. We’re so sorry to hear the very sad news of little Rubin. Pets are such a huge part of your life and definitely like part of the family. You have so many happy memories to share of Rubin. Thinking of you both xx

  56. I’m so sorry Amber, my heart is going out to you and your family. The love from a dog is so pure and special. You will heal a little each day – the good memories that are too painful to think of now will someday bring you joy. Take care.

  57. I think you’re brave for writing this and hitting publish. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose such a beloved companion. Sending lots of love at this frankly shit time xxx

  58. Beautifully written post. I am so very, very sorry for your’s and Terry’s loss. Losing a fur child is absolutely one of the hardest things to go through.

  59. Oh Amber I’m so sorry, my heart sank as soon as I saw the title. We lost our dog a few years ago and we were heartbroken. It took a long time to feel normal again, now we have a lovely adopted dog and the house feels full again! Take your time to grieve, it will be hard for a long time. You are all in my thoughts xxx

  60. Goodness me this post made my heart ache and my tears fall. Im so very sorry for your loss. The pain must be unbearable. I too totally understand that feeling of fear as the years pass, I feel it with my own beautiful dog. Although as you say, Rubin will now become a memory, he will become more than that, he will be a piece of your heart, and the essence of happy memories. Let yourselves grieve, my heartfelt condolences to you all xxx

  61. I’m so sorry to hear this news . You and Terry gave Rubin so much love over the years and got so much back in return. I hope all the good memories will one day soon heal the pain you are feeling ❤

  62. Oh my dear Amber! I’m so so sorry to hear this. My boys just turned ten and nine respectively so I understand the feeling of a clock ticking. I got them when i was going through infertility and reproductive trauma so it truly feels like they saved my life. It’s too awful. I’m so so sorry and i hope you get through this in one piece. I’m dreading my day as well, and know its coming but I’m also so thankful for the time we have with them. Dogs are the best. Rubin won the dog lottery to draw you guys as family! hugs.

  63. Amber, I mentioned this on Instagram, but I wanted to reach out again and let you know how sorry I am for your loss. You’ve had such a hard year already and have been so brave to share with us. I’m owned by a small white dog as well, and I loved reading about Rubin’s antics. He had such a bright personality, and I could tell how much you and Terry loved him. He was blessed to have you two in his life. You are in my thoughts.

  64. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I also totally understand what you mean about lying awake and thinking about it, it was something i did all the time with my own dog, and moreso when i knew his time was coming. Sending you so much love!

  65. I am so, so sad for you both. He was such a gorgeous fellow; I loved seeing his happy little face with his cheeky black eyes in your photos. I know what you mean about the clock ticking down. I have an incredible bond with my cat Poppy and she is 12 this year. I try not to think about it and just enjoy my time with her.

  66. I’m so sorry to read this. I loved reading about Rubin, he was such a special little dog. My condolences to you both. X

  67. Amber, my heart is breaking for you. I am a student veterinary nurse and I see our lovely clients say goodbye to their pets all of the time. It hurts to watch, but it’s such a brave decision that you have made. It was the last kindest thing you could do for Rubin and I am sure now that he’s looking nice down on you as he runs around at the other end of rainbow bridge. Waiting. Waiting for you to one day be reunited. He’s at peace now and maybe one day once your heart begins to heal, you could open it again to love another dog the way you loved Rubin. I have two beautiful Cocker Spaniels and like you, even though they’re only 1 and the other 10 months, I am petrified of the day I have to say goodbye. My whole life is centerwd around them, like they make sure of haha. But you know your pet and you know when it’s times and Rubin knows when as he looks at you. RIP Rubin, thinking of you Amber and your family xx

  68. Dear Amber and Terry,

    I am also in tears after reading your post. I am so sorry to hear the news, and I quite understand the feeling – every time I visit my parents who live in another country, I am waiting to see our lovely dog and she’s not there any longer, she’s passed away 2 years ago… It takes time to get used to the idea… I can’t really find right words but I just want to send some love and let you know that I am thinking of you all. Xxx

  69. So sorry to hear this, losing a pet is so painful. I have a lovely pharaoh hound who has passed the average life expectancy for her breed and I live in dread of that day, but also try to remind myself to enjoy her whilst she’s still with me. x

  70. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. It’s the worst part of having a furry friend – knowing that one day you’ll have to say goodbye. I’ve had two dogs and quite a few cats over the years, and it doesn’t get any easier. I can’t bear to think of my cat not being here, he’s such a huge part of our lives. My dad was never a pet person, but about five years ago, he was fixing a roof when he saw a little skinny, bedraggled dog sitting watching him. He tried to approach him a couple of times before the dog finally let him. The poor thing had been abandoned in rural France, it was freezing cold and snowing. He followed my dad into the house and stayed there, pampered and loved, until he died last year. My dad and little Scampi were inseparable and my dad was devastated when that little dog died. The only consolation I could give him was that he’d given Scampi a loving and comfortable home in his last years, after being abandoned so heartlessly. Not all dogs are that lucky. I never thought I’d see my dad so attached to a pet, seeing how much he loved that dog was extraordinary and very heartwarming. They are never “just pets”.

    Emma xxx

  71. I’m so sorry for this huge loss. I have enjoyed hearing about Rubin over the last couple of years — he was a huge part of Forever Amber and obviously, your life. I have a fur-baby too and can’t even bear to think about that day in the future when we will have to say goodbye. My heart goes out to you and Terry.

  72. Ah I am so sorry, I know how heartbreaking this is, we lost our dog who was 18 6 years ago, at the time I thought I would never ever get over it, he came before our boys so was in effect our first baby, it took us 3 years to take the step of rescuing Toby as a puppy, it turned out we saved his life and again I cant imagine life without him, sending love x

  73. I’m so sorry for your loss; losing a pet is heartbreaking. My dog is going on 14, so I understand the feeling of the clock ticking, and I can’t bear to think about the day we’ll have to say goodbye to him. My heart goes out to you and Terry x

  74. I am so, so sorry for yours and Terry’s loss, it’s so hard, I have been there and it still hurts at times. I’m reading in tears for you, and for my own memories of our fur baby who we lost a year and half ago.
    My heart goes out to you, much love xx

  75. Oh poor pet. It was clear how much he meant to you. I’m very sorry for you both. Please take some solace in the fact that you were obviously great parents to him and that he had a lovely life with you. Take care.

  76. Pets are absolutely family, and to lose one is for the family to be forever changed. My husband and I had to say goodbye to our constant companion of 13 years back in December. It is a heartbreaking time and I am so sorry for you and Terry and all the others who loved Rubin and lost him.

  77. So sorry for your loss Amber, it must be very hard for you right now. I often think dogs/pets can offer more than humans can, that unconditional love and the fact they never grow up and always stay in that giddy toddler stage.

    The biggest hugs xxxx

  78. Oh, Amber. My heart goes out to you. I’ve been through this situation several times and I am facing it again myself. If I were there I would be sitting with you and crying, too. Love and hugs. Barb W.

  79. So sorry to hear this. Animals become such a huge part of the family and it’s so heartbreaking when they leave we lost our family cat last year at 19 years old and it’s still hard to think about him x

  80. A year ago I’d have been in the “he’s just a pet” camp, but we’ve had our dear Vizsla now for 10 months, and, like you were, I’m already dreading the day he’s not with us.

    Thinking of you all – he was such a fierce wolf (and so very photogenic!) he will be sorely missed by us all as well xxxx

  81. Dearest Amber and Terry, my heart is breaking with you. Losing a beloved pet is losing one of the family and incredibly difficult. I had to say goodbye to my cat Alfie three weeks ago and I miss him terribly. So does his sister Juno.

    Biggest hugs ever, from both me and Juno xxxxx

  82. Dear Amber, as I read the opening lines to this post my heart sank! I have tears in my eyes as I write this. As a fellow dog lover who is considering starting a new pet relationship, I empathize with the loss you, Terry, and others are sharing. I so enjoyed Rubin’s posts! He had such personality! My heart is breaking for you. Wishing you strength, and love, until the pain lessens, rounds a corner, and turns back to happy thoughts.

  83. I’m so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my cat…Actually, i lost her three months ago, but it still feels recent. I can understand how disorientated you must feel now, and how sad. This post made me a lite teary eyed. I remember lying awake fretting about the day my cat would leave too. My thoughts are with you and Terry. P.S we had a small memorial plaque made for our cat and we are going to bury her ashes in the garden and mark it in the spring. Perhaps a small memorial would help you? Either way don’t feel ashamed about whatever you want to do now he has gone, in order to help you move on. 🙂

  84. As soon as I saw the title I knew what this post was going to say.
    I’m sorry for your lose. We will miss him too.
    Another friend let me know the same news-so I’ve lost two today.

  85. I have read your blog for ages now (seven years I think?) and so I have also “known” Rubin this long. I am so sorry for your loss! I hope with time you will be able to focus on the fact that he had a happy life with people he loved and was loved by, but I realise that’s not much of a consolation now.

  86. Oh my goodness Amber I was devastated to read that Rubin’s gone, I knew just from the post title what it would be about… I’m so sorry, especially as you’ve had such a crappy few months. Having only just got a dog ourselves I can totally understand just how heartbroken you are – I’m already dreading the day we’d have to say goodbye to Riley (he’s not a pup and is probably about 9)… 10 days in and I’m so much in love with him already. I know it’s not much consolation but just think what a lovely life you gave that little ball of white fluff for all of his 14 years, many animals have a horrible shitty life and you gave him a wonderful one.

    RIP lovely Rubin, sending love to you and Terry

    Catherine xx

  87. Amber, I couldn’t think of or write a comment when I read about Rubin because I was crying and I had to go and get a hug from my boyfriend. I’m not much of a dog person, I’ve never had one but the thought of someone so loved gone after so many years just made me incredibly sad. And Rubin was sauch a great buddy.
    Ok, I’m crying again. I’m thinking of you both and I hope that you will feel better after a while.

  88. Very sorry to hear this of your little white friend- he was seriously cute and I had no idea he was such an age. Not that it makes it any better when they’re older or you know it’s coming because ultimately our pets are many things- demanding, loving, a pain in the arse, joy bringers, eaters of things they really shouldn’t be but first and foremost, they are ours and that’s the tough bit.

  89. I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is losing a friend; a friend that is the most loyal and the most loving friend there could be. Rubin was incredibly cute, and I always loved the posts and photos that included him and his mischievous ( highly intelligent) wee expression.

  90. As many have said already, I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope that you can find moments of peace (maybe even joy) over the next months, while never forgetting how wonderful your time with Rubin was.

  91. I am so, so sorry Amber. Rubin has always been a dear part of your blog. I hope for comfort for you and Terry going forward. (((HUGS)))

  92. I’m so sorry to read this, Amber. I completely understand how you’re feeling right now as I’ve always grown up around pets. My cats are the first ones that are “my own” that I got when I moved in with Ben, and I already have that feeling of dread of the days being counted away on the time with them now, even though they’re only a couple of years old. I know all your readers will miss him a huge amount too. I’m thinking of you, Terry and the rest of your family right now – I know there’s really nothing anyone can say to make it feel better, but I hope all the comments from your readers above (and I’m sure soon below mine too!) will go some way in helping you feel better.

  93. I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Dogs ought to have the same final hour as their humans, because losing a canine pal is utter bullshit and should never be allowed to happen. The universe messed up royally in that regard. RIP, Rubin.

  94. Dear Amber and Terry, I am so, so sorry for your loss. I have a cat that I love more than anything and I know the feeling if dread because I will lose him eventually. Pets are more than “just” pets, they’re family members and losing them is horrible.

  95. This was the most heartbreaking post. You have described the kind of grief most of us have felt at some time in our lives in beautifully chosen words. I’m so so sorry for what you’re going through right now xxx
    Lucy @ la-lingua.co.uk

  96. As I think the sheer volume of comments on this post would attest; losing a much-loved pet is such a profound, and deeply sad, thing – anyone who has experienced it couldn’t fail to share and understand your feelings. The myriad comments also show how well-loved Rubin is by your readers. He was clearly a wonderful character, and that absolutely shone through in the photos and your posts about him. Your blog is a legacy for him, full of sweet memories that, given time, you will be so glad you have to look back on.
    So incredibly sorry for your loss and thinking of you both. xxx

  97. I am in tears. As I read this post all I could think about was that one day this will happen to me too, and I can not imagine the pain. I am so very sorry you lost such an important part of your life 🙁 is just not fair…

  98. I was unsuccessfully holding back tears reading this post. I lost my childhood dogs a few years back. I had grown up with them and they had always been there for me and with me. They were a huge part of our family and not a day goes by when I don’t think about them. It gets easier. The memories you are thinking back on now will turn into happy memories again soon.

    I am so incredibly sorry for the loss you and Terry have experienced. Thinking of you both xxx

  99. Losing those little furry members of our family is so very hard. They add so much to our lives and when they are not able to be with us any longer, they leave a large hole. I firmly believe that we will see those special friends again one day when we also cross the rainbow bridge (link below). Thinking of you and sending love from Utah. https://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

  100. I’m so sorry, Amber. We had to put our giant eternal puppy, Tank, down in October. It was and still is unbearable. We have another senior dog and I hate that she is alone (although, I’m not sure how much she cares), but I still can’t bear to get another dog because I’m afraid he won’t be Tank (which clearly he won’t). Sending my good vibes to you two. <3

  101. Sobbing. I know how you must feel. We adopted Jack- he was 2 or 3. After the first year I would just sit on the couch and cry for the fear of losing him. It happened. We had 10 phenomenal years. I will never be the same. We avoided our house for weeks, the void was too great. Our world rotated around that guy and I have no regrets. I am so sorry, I will miss Rubin- he will always be a special part of your blog.

  102. I’m late to the party but my condolences. He was a good dog and he always looked like he was smiling in pictures.

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