First of all, a huge thank you for all of your lovely comments on yesterday’s blog post: they meant so such to Terry and I, and I hope one day I’ll be able to show them all to little Amber/Terry junior (who will probably just roll his/her eyes and be all, “GOD, mum, I can’t believe you posted a photo of a pee stick on the internet, you’re SO EMBARRASSING!” but then, that’s kids for ya, isn’t it?)

I wish I had similarly happy news to share you with you all today, but just a few hours after I published that post, we got some news which has changed everything for us. I’ve been sitting her for half an hour now trying to work out how to say this, but for once my words have failed me, so I’m just going to get straight to the point:

Terry’s mum has cancer.

We’ve actually known this for a couple of weeks now, but had been hoping she’d be able to have surgery which would remove it. Yesterday we were told that’s not the case: that the cancer has spread, and that surgery is out of the question. She’s currently considering chemo to try to slow down its progress, and she is one of the strongest people I know, so I’m hoping that will help if she does decide to go through with it, but… well, I’m sure you can imagine how we’re feeling right now, and how utterly devastated we are. Life can be very, very cruel.

There is obviously much, much more to be said about all of this, but it’s all still very raw right now, and while it would feel wrong to not mention it all, there are obviously other people whose privacy needs to be protected, and, try as I might, I just don’t seem to be able to find the words to do it all justice, so I’m just going to leave it at that for now.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been keeping a little diary of my pregnancy so far, and I’ve also written a few other pieces which I’ll be publishing as planned, purely because trying to keep things as normal as possible is one of the things I find comforts me most at times like this. If I’m slow in responding to comments and emails, or otherwise not myself, though, I know you’ll understand why – thanks once again for always being there for us both, through the good times and the bad.

62 Comments
  1. So sorry to hear this, my father was diagnosed a couple of days after our son was born – the emotional swings are horrendous.
    Wishing you all the strength needed to see this though. My heart goes out to you…

  2. I’m so, so sorry. What a confusing mixture of emotions you must be feeling at the moment. Much love to you all. xx

  3. This is so, so unfair. In the last year you guys have been to hell and back and you deserved for this joy of a child to be untainted. I am utterly at a loss for words. Just many, many good wishes to you all. Xx

  4. Oh goodness. I sat and told me husband about your news yesterday and explained what a rough time you’ve had of it and what lovely news it is. Your news will give Terry’s mum so much hope x

  5. Oh FFS! What an absolutely shitty thing. I am so sorry to read this and i really hope that the chemotherapy helps xxx

  6. Dear Amber, what devastating news. I hope the chemo will help, but I also hope you, Terry, and your whole family will take joy in waiting for the arrival of Amber or Terry Junior. Take care, and store sweet memories.

  7. Dear Amber, what devastating news. I hope the chemo will help, but I also hope you, Terry, and your whole family will take joy in waiting for the arrival of Amber or Terry Junior. Take care, and store sweet memories.

    Barb

  8. I’m so sorry Amber. I don’t know what to say. Sending my love to all of you.
    A family friend – someone I’ve known for over 22 years, was diagnosed with brain cancer last year. She did the radiation and survived it, but it can come back and spread to other parts of her body. So it has been such a state of limbo for her and her family.
    I know it’s not the same, but I do understand and I’m keeping all of you in my thoughts.

  9. I hate cancer…it needs to take a long hike. Please get your dear MIL on a Ketogenic diet; it is reversing cancer for many people (said the woman who researches this stuff ad naseum). Sending you gentle hugs and healing thoughts.

  10. I am so very sorry. I hope that she can get some treatment to help. My sister in law is going through a similar thing. She was diagnosed (for the fourth time in 20 years) with cancer, which is in different parts throughout her body. All inoperable, but she has had some chemo treatments which have helped. Her quality of life is still really good — she lives on her own, but has lots of help from really great friends. Last year at this time, it was pretty bleak. We were thinking it would be the end. Fortunately she has had a good year and even though the cancer isn’t going away, her quality of life is waaaaaaay better than we imagined it would be. I hope Terry’s mum responds well to the chemo — it isn’t what it used to be — and that the joy of a brand new baby will also help her to see it through. I hope that helps, Amber. I know it is devastating. 🙁

  11. Oh Amber! There is nothing I can add to all those that have commented before me. When I read your post yesterday, I was so thrilled for you because I remember you saying that you weren’t sure if you were even willing to try again for a baby and I was so happy because you gave it another shot! And then, like others have said, sometimes life just throws a really cruel and unfair curve ball. I am so deeply sorry for this terrible news about Terry’s mom. You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers over the past months and will continue to be. I’m praying for healing and strength for you all during this time.

  12. Im so sorry honey. That is so awful for you and Terry and her! I bet she is quite scared. Pregnancy is a roller coaster. When Thomas and I got pregnant we were so happy. Everything seemed to be working fine. We were financially, physically and mentally in a good place for it. Then three months before the baby was due, Thomas lost his job due to the economy and all our plans really fell through. It was devastating, I’ll be honest. Luckily 6 months after the baby was born, he had a job that sufficed. Two weeks later, he got a new job with a healthy bump in salary. Two months later and he got the job of his dreams with a VERY nice salary. This last year has been the most stressful of my life, but with your husband, friends and family, you can make it through!

    Good luck and well wishes to your mother in law. May she heal swiftly and the side effects be minimal.

  13. I’m so sorry to hear about Terry’s Mum, I’ll be thinking of her, you and Terry and sending all the positive energy I can muster. Take care of yourself xx

  14. I’m really sorry to hear that, life is so unfair sometimes, I hope all will be alright in the end; sending good vibes!

  15. Dear Amber and Terry, there is really nothing at all anyone could say to soften this blow. And there is no roadmap for this road you will now travel together. My own experience is to cherish each other even more than you do.
    To live each moment as fully as possible and to have love at the center of everything you do. Having followed your blog for a long time I feel that you have this, love, in abundance. I am truly sorry that you had to write this. My thoughts are with all of you. X

  16. So sorry to hear this just after reading your great news from yesterday. All the best to Terry’s mum and family, plus you and Terry of course xx.

  17. I’m so sorry to hear this, especially given the brilliant news you got (well, shared with us!) yesterday. Keeping my fingers crossed for you xx

  18. I’m so sorry to hear such devastating news, Amber. My father also has cancer and I remember that when he was diagnosed it felt so unreal – it still does somehow-, so I know how hard it is. He went through surgery to remove his tumor, but then they found out it had spread and had some inoperable nodes in the lungs. I say this because since then (two years ago) he has gone through two cycles of chemo and he has done SO well, chemo is not anymore what it used to be and he has great life quality, to the point you could not even tell he is sick. I am sure Terry’s mom is in good hands and hope any treatments she goes through will help her feel and stay better for a very long time. It does not have to be the end and I you may still have plenty of memories and time to share with her and your little Amber/Terry. Cherish every moment you have with her and feel blessed for the baby you have now in your life.

  19. My Mum passed away 18 days ago from cancer. My daughter is 3 and my son turns one this weekend. She received her diagnosis when I was heavily pregnant and started chemo the day I went into labour. My heart goes out to you. I’ve been reading your blog for many years, so feel that I know you and now really feel a connection to you through this. Take care or yourself, Terry and his mum, and enjoy the time you do have together x

  20. Many, many prayers to the Panagia for Terry’s mum. My mum died of it and just about anything say-able feels so lame.

  21. There are just no words to describe what a cruel world we live in. My thoughts are with you and Terry and all of your family at this time.

  22. My father died of cancer at 58 before he ever got to meet my husband or walk me down the aisle. It was 16 months of absolute agony. Please reach out if you need to talk to someone who understands (though judging by the comments here you already have that in spades!). Cancer is one of the hardest things to undergo — your mother-in-law sounds like such a strong and amazing woman.

    Xoxo,

    Ashley || Sed Bona

  23. Ach folks, I’m just catching up on your blog and just read about your good news. So, so sorry to hear this about your indomitable mother in law xx

  24. Amber, I’ve been a sporadic reader of your blog (and devoted follower of your pins) for a long time but have only just seen your wonderful pregnancy news and the sad news about Terry’s mum. My mum was diagnosed with incurable cancer a few years ago, and after a heartbreaking miscarriage I then went on to have a healthy pregnancy with my daughter, who’s about to turn 3 (um, where does time go?). I just wanted to say that it SUCKS SO MUCH to have something so joyful and wonderful happening in your life at the same time as something so shitty and painful, and I’m so sorry you have to join this terrible club. The extremes of emotion, as you put it, are huge and it is a very surreal experience. Ultimately it was a gift to be able to bring something happy into all of our lives at a time when other things were so hard, but in some ways it made my pregnancy very different from the normal happy time that others seem to have. Sadly, my mum died when I was 19 weeks pregnant, but she knew about my baby, and the fact that I was able to share that with her meant everything. I hope your pregnancy can bring a little light into this dark time for your family and that, despite everything, you’re able to find peace and time to savour the experience. Sending you all much love.

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