Bedtime in the Forever Amber household

So, on Friday night Terry and I are getting ready for bed. I come out of the bathroom, only to find Terry standing at the bedroom window, scanning the street, and sniffing the air like a bloodhound. “Someone in the…

NOT ME

Weird Email of the Week: Miss I-Was-Fat-Forever

During my break from personal blogging, it saddens me to report that people haven’t gotten any better at telling the difference between me and Joan Rivers. The E! channel’s Fashion Police show is currently back on the air, which means that every morning I wake…

middle-of-nowhere

Taking the Long Way Around

So, I decided to start running outdoors again. Yeah, I know: been there, done that, got the washed-out Nike t-shirt (actually it’s a tank top, but whatever) to prove it. If you’ve been reading this blog since God was a teenager,…

what-I-did-on-my-break-from-blogging

Back From the Blogging Brink

So, this is awkward, isn’t it? I mean, it’s been so long: we’ve lost touch, drifted apart. Some of you have probably changed your names and taken on new identities so you don’t have to pretend to read this site…

laughing-dog

Friday Photo: Best Joke Ever

Rubin and I just heard the best joke ever: We’re totally not going to tell you what it was though. Sorry. Today I decided, in my infinite wisdom, that I would start up a Tumblr. Well, all the cool kids…

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OK, let’s get this over with…

(I am never so happy as I am when I’m on holiday…) Whoops, by going on holiday, I’ve gone and lost all my readers again. For those of you still grimly hanging on in there a) thank you! and b)…

leaving

Homecoming

Well, folks, I brought an unexpected souvenir back from Florida: a heavy cold, which arrived the day before we left and gleefully packed its bags and hopped along with me for the plane ride home this morning/yesterday/whenever the hell that…

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High Tea at the Grand Floridian

I’ve actually already posted some of these over at Shoeperwoman, but on the off-chance that there’s anyone still reading over here, too, here are some photos from our High Tea at the Grand Floridian, which is something I highly recommend doing…

Whoops, I did it again…

I know this is essentially an action replay of my holiday LAST year, but oh look, Neiman Marcus had a sale on! Uh-oh. Minutes after buying these, I tried to buy a cheap dress in Forever 21, and … my…

at-the-pool

Palm Beach, pools and shoes

I know the US government won’t let me live here for more than a few weeks at a time (probably wise of them, all things considered), but if they ever want to change their minds on that, I now know…

florida-2010-dd

Coming Home

Well, folks, we made it. And having only been in the States for about five hours, I’d already bought myself a Zac Posen for Target dress, which I think has to be a personal best for me in the shopping…

terror plunge

THE FEAR

Remember when I said I was so relieved to be able to go on holiday despite the best efforts of the ash cloud, that I wasn’t even feeling a smidgen of my usual fear of flying? That was before I…

Three sleeps to go!

Three sleeps to go, people! Three! And you know the one good thing about this whole Ash Cloud O’Doom extravaganza? It means that I’ll be so relieved to be getting on that plane on Saturday morning that I haven’t even…

snow-in-may

Under a Dark Cloud

Here’s what happened last night: It’s not frost, it’s SNOW. This was taken at 6am, when Rubin woke us up with his patented “Yapping at 6am for no reason whatsoever” manoeuvre. By the time we actually got up, it had…

Return of The Panic

Phones. I hate ‘em. I know I don’t have to explain this to any regular readers, but for those just joining us, I am phone phobic in the extreme, and will go to any lengths to avoid making or receiving phone calls -…

big-ass-pizza

Anyone for pizza?

Just a quick photo from the weekend, when we went bowling with some friends, and then headed back to theirs to work our way through this bad boy, which filled up the entire boot (trunk) of Mhairi’s car: My favourite part of…

I can’t wait to see the Google hits this one gets me…

Foot fetishists. They’re everywhere, aren’t they? And by “everywhere” I mean “they’re on eBay”. In large numbers, apparently. Last week I decided to sell some shoes, you see. (I know! Me getting RID of shoes rather than acquiring them: who’da…

Things That Should Not Happen

1.  Pre-school age children should not be handed the car keys and invited to treat the vehicle as a giant toy. Cars are not toys. 2. Car horns should not be leant on for five minutes at a time. 3….

Ask Amber: The Trouble With Shopping

Readers, a question has flooded in! Well, a problem, really. For me to solve. This is awesome. Maybe after this I’ll at last fulfill my dream of having my own problem page in a magazine or something? It could be…

You know you’re a blogger when…

Terry: Last night I had a nightmare. I dreamt we were in a car crash. The car rolled over onto its roof, and I was trapped inside it… Me: Wow, that must have been scary! Terry: And then you got…

She sells seashells by the sea shore

If you know me in Real Life (as opposed to this fake, imaginary life we all have on the internets), you may want to prepare yourself for the fact that next time you meet me, I’ll be speaking a little…

The One With the Cyclist

So, I’m out walking Rubin. I’m NOT wearing a dress, you’ll be pleased to know, and neither is he. He is, however, wearing his leash, and because it’s one of those extendable ones, and Rubin likes to be as far away from…

Never Knowingly Underdressed

Things you don’t want to hear from your husband: “Seriously, you are NOT going out in that, are you?” To be fair to him, I was planning to walk the dog in a dress. (Me, I mean. Not the dog….

When the blogging gets tough, the bloggers write lists

Because I am lazy, here is a quick summary of some things I’ve done in the last week, in a handy list format. You’re welcome! 1. Rendered myself unable to walk, courtesy of the elliptical machine at the gym Having…

strike-a-pose

Beach Birthday

Mt Flickr Pro account expired a couple of weeks ago, and I’m too mean to pay to renew it right now, so I’m afraid that means some of the photos I would normally have posted there are getting stuck here…

The Mystery in the Mail

So, yesterday morning I was sitting at my desk, working away when there was a knock on the door. It was the postman, and the postman was delivering one of those cards that say, “Oh, hey, we have a mystery…

fire

Firefighting

Yesterday afternoon, after a hard morning’s shopping,  Terry I decided to go to our favourite local restaurant for lunch. Well, we got there, sat down and the waitress took our order. Everything was just peachy. In the middle of the…

easter

Happy Easter!

I couldn’t find a bunny, so here are some photos of a big bad WOLF instead: As you can see, the snow has melted, but it’s still very, very muddy. Especially in the region of Rubin’s belly. I’ve taken a…

snow

Oh. My. God.

(Taken just a few minutes ago: excuse the dark photo, it’s, er, nighttime.) NO. Nonononono. NO. It’s almost APRIL. It’s SPRING. Actually, as of Sunday morning, when Daylight Savings Time started in the UK, British SUMMER time has officially begun….

Amber’s Adventures in Invisalign: Part 1

A couple of people on Twitter have asked me about the Invisalign clear brace I mentioned a few weeks ago, and as yesterday was The Big Day, i.e. the day I got my first brace, I thought now was the…

Help Wanted

I’ve been a bad blogger this week. Worse than usual, I mean. This time, though, I have a very slightly better excuse than usual. No, really, I do. You see, at the end of May this year, I’m taking my…

Weird Email of the Week: Where’s PETER?

—–Original Message—– From: Peter’s #1 Fan Sent: 09 March 2010 04:48 To: Magic Amber Subject: peter   Where is PETER???  we want peter backl Peter had knowledge and opinions that mattered. Joan is funny, the others are boring  and bland….

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Mirror, mirror on the wall…

I HAD planned a completely different post for today, and man, it would’ve been brilliant! But I’ve woken up feeling like someone tried to drug me in my sleep, so all you get is a photo of the new hat…

streetview

Papped! By Google Streetview!

Terry and I appear no less than four times in the Google Streetview for our area, which finally went live yesterday. This is the best one: Weirdly, they face-blurred me, but not Terry. Let’s not think too hard about why…

sunglasses

My Life in Fashion, Part 2

(The masochistic among you will find Part 1 of this story here.) When we left our heroine, she was floundering in the stormy sea of “grunge”, wearing Doc Marten boots and a selection of baggy, unflattering clothes, and totally failing…

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My Life In Fashion, Part 1

From Formspring: How did your personal style evolve throughout your life? Contrary to popular belief, I was not born wearing Louboutins and shouting “Bring me a green dress! With a bow! And some stripes! Also: dots! Bring me dots!” Quite…

Recurring Nightmare

Two questions from Formspring: Would you ever go back to working as a journalist again or do you love being a blogger? Do you love your job? It is so different from ‘normal’ jobs. At least once a week, sometimes…

Things the Dentist Did

A couple of weeks ago, I went to see the dentist. It was really awful, actually. I had to get up really early, and sit in rush hour traffic for an hour, and not even for the sake of something…

The Toys, yesterday

Rubinman Strikes Again

Yesterday afternoon, Terry was out with his friends so I decided to take myself off for a quick spot of shopping. Because that’s what I do when I’m left to my own devices, obviously. (I also apparently buy a whole bunch of…

Formspring Friday: Your questions answered!

I WAS actually joking when I mentioned “Formspring Friday” last week, but I’ve started to get a few repeat questions over there, which made me realise that some people might not realise I was answering some of the questions on…

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I Do Not Live In London

A question from Formspring: Do you ever feel that your business is more difficult not living in London? Other than “I am not a shop”, the phrase I use most often on a day-to-day basis is “I do not live in…

Changing Rooms

For the last year or two (or seven), I’ve desperately wanted to move house. The problem with that, though… well, actually, there are LOTS of problems with that, but the main one is that we just can’t afford it right…

How I Met My Husband

I had two questions on Formspring about how Terry and I met, so I decided to answer those first : How did you and Terry meet and fall in love? How did you and your husband meet? You seem like a perfect couple –…

going-dotty

Ask Me Anything…

So, in common with pretty much everyone else on Twitter, I joined Formspring, which is a site where people ask each other questions and, er, answer them. I was actually a bit wary about this. I tried something similar a…

fashion-awards

I am a winner!

I know the image above is actually pretty hilarious given that I recently went out in public wearing two different boots, but allow me to bask for a moment in the reflected glory of The Fashion Police, which has just been…

The Morning After

Low battery, may fall asleep at any second

Hey, remember that time the low battery warning on our carbon monoxide detector started frantically PEEPING in the middle of the night, and we couldn’t work out whether it was the friendly “Hey-diddly-ho, neighbour, my batteries are staring to run…

OMG! OMG! Sunglasses update!

THEY WERE HANDED IN TO DOROTHY PERKINS! I am amazed! And happy! Something I lost… has been found! And so has my faith in humanity, because I seriously thought that if someone found them, they would either keep them or stick…

reflection

Friday Photo: Reflection

Gran Canaria, December 2009. At least SOMEONE in the house still has his favourite pair of sunglasses. And oh, hey! If you look really closely, you’ll see that I’m actually wearing mine in this photo, too. Gah. Nope, still haven’t…

sunglasses-at-night

Things I Lost, Part 557

So, I lost my sunglasses. And yes, I know what you’re thinking. Other than, “Holy hell, is this woman going to lose EVERY. SINGLE. THING she owns?” I mean. (The answer to that, by the way, is surely “yes”. Yes, it would…

Team Mouse!

Well, today was the day the mouse traps in our attic were scheduled to be inspected by The Man From the Council – or The Mouse Man, as he shall henceforth be known. Or maybe The Evil Mouse Killing Man,…

Of Mice and Men from the Council

I wish this could be a more interesting newsflash for you, folks, but the things that live in our attic? Yeah, they’re mice. Not vampires. Not Nigel, the International Man of Mystery Next Door. Not even Shergar, or Lord Lucan,…

THE MASCARA

Friday Photo: My Other Obsession

When I wrote about my shoe collection earlier this week, Madeline had an interesting question for me. Well, it was interesting to me, anyway, because it was about mascara, and I find almost EVERYTHING about mascara interesting. Madeline said: ” Now,…

Breaking news: I am not Joan Rivers. Really.

Dear People who keep sending me hate mail relating to the E! Network’s “Fashion Police” show, I AM NOT the E! Network. Or, indeed, Joan Rivers. And I don’t have Kim Kardashian’s number either, so no, I can’t pass on your…

shoe-challenge

Seventy-one pairs of shoes, and counting…

Seventy-one pairs of shoes. That’s the answer to one of my most frequently asked questions (The others: “If my husband’s grandfather’s dog’s sister’s auntie was a ginger, but I have black hair, do you think my children will be gingers…

Not a Shop, Part 765: I love hot looks!

I’ve been ill. I’ve been ill in a “having to take time off work to flop uselessly on the couch surrounded by tissues and lemsip” kind of ill. A “can’t stop talking about how bad I feel” kind of way. So I haven’t…

Things That Go Bump In the Night

Remember our attic-dwelling “visitor” of last year? The one who made noises in the walls and went on a chewin’ spree among the bags of old clothes and other junk up there? No, we didn’t either. We’d had the best…

A small dose of the Januarys

Do you think we could maybe just start again with this whole “2010″ thing? Say, next week, maybe? Is next week good for everyone? Because so far this year isn’t really working out for me. It’s mostly because of the…

maspalomas-sand-dunes

Belated Friday Photo: Sand dune

It’s really a Saturday Photo now, of course, but here I am sitting on top of one of the Maspalomas sand dunes, in Gran Canaria. It’s a big ‘un, isn’t it?

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The Winter of My Discontent

Well, it’s January 7th, and I’m just going to hold my hands up here and admit that I haven’t left the house for five days now. Other than to take this photo, that is: Did you know it’s been SNOWING…

Ths is Sparta Gran Canaria!

First up: thank you all so much for the lovely comments on my last post. Blogging can seem like a bit of a thankless task sometimes (especially when people like the lovely Jellybean decide to get in touch), so the…

happy-new-year

Happy New Year!

I keep forgetting that today isn’t just the last day of the year: it’s the last day of the decade, and the first decade of the new millennium at that. It was the decade in which I got my first…

Legroom, lack thereof

The One Where We Spend 17 Hours in an Airport

Well. I’m pretty sure no one will be reading this today, because you’ll all be off roasting chestnuts around an open fire, or doing whatever else it is winter-lovers do two days before Christmas, but let the record show that…

Yo, ho, ho!

On. A. Break.

Well, folks, at last it’s that magical time of year! No, not Christmas: my cheap winter-sun vacation in the Canary Islands, duh! We fly out early tomorrow morning, and, assuming that our plane doesn’t drop like a stone into the…

Earning my stripes

Well, we’re off on holiday on Monday, and I’m pleased to announce that so far I haven’t fallen prey to some kind of debilitating illness. You know, like I did last year? I’m less pleased to announce that in preparation…

Goodbye, old friend

They don’t make cars like they used to

On Friday night, Terry’s car left us forever. It was a sad time for us me. I’ve said before that I get ridiculously attached to things, especially cars, so I may have gotten just a little bit misty-eyed as I…

confessions of a shopaholic

Confessions of a Shopaholic. And Bruno.

Well, as I mentioned last week, Terry and I had another fancy dress party to attend this weekend. And, as I also mentioned, my planned costume was pretty half-assed. In fact, with the whole Christmas/holiday/Terry’s-car-breaking-down-on-the-motorway-and-having-to-be-replaced thing, I decided that a…

The Story of My Life

    I’m just going to keep this short, but slightly hysterical: WE LOST OUR PASSPORTS. We turned the house upside down looking for them. We searched for an hour. I even called my parents to ask if, by any…

sand dunes

Winter holiday is GO!

You know how in the aftermath of Black Friday, I was all, “WAH! Advance posts deleted! Can’t go on holiday! Life over!”? Mercifully, it turned out not to be true: Those are the Maspalomas sand dunes in Gran Canaria. The two little people…

It never rains but it….pees

Last night I stumbled off to bed fairly late. We’ve been working hard to get back to normal after the events of Black Friday, obviously, so I was exhausted and looking forward to a good night’s sleep. I kicked off my shoes,…

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Half-Assed Halloween Costume: Lady Gaga

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt this unfortunate series of Catastrophic Events to bring you photos of the Halloween costume I was banging on about on Black Friday, shortly before the phone call from Heart Internet saying, “Oh, hai, we just deleted…

Yet another catastrophic failure

After the “catastrophic failure” that mysteriously led Heart Internet to lose all of my websites on Friday afternoon, I had thought all of our bad luck for the year had been used up in one go. But no. Of COURSE…

The Gunpowder Plot (to drive Amber mad…)

The early hours of Thursday morning, about 1am. All is quiet in the house – even Rubin, for once. Suddenly, though, we are all jerked rudely out of sleep by… BANG! WHIZZ! BANGBANGBANG! “That better be war breaking out,” I…

Almost Ill

As my mother would say, I seem to be “hanging” with some kind of illness. This is Scottish-speak for “Why, I fear I may be about to become ill, but it hasn’t quite happened yet.” While I wait for it…

blair-castle

The One Where We Go to Blair Castle

So, Autumn hasn’t been as bad as I’d feared. Not so far, anyway. I realise I’ve just cursed it by saying that, and I’ll wake up tomorrow to ten feet of snow, but for now: not so bad. It’s been…

Tetris Legs

Anyone play Tetris? I’ve been playing it a lot this week. A LOT. I’ve been playing Tertris on my phone, in fact, every time my laptop has crashed and had to be rebooted. Which has been… A LOT. I’m seeing…

glamis-castle

Road Trip! Glamis Castle, Angus

I know, it’s ironic, isn’t it – an entire post just crammed with photos, mere days after I whine about people stealing my images! Like I said, though, I’m not going to stop posting photos because of these idiots, although…

chico

Friday Photo: It’s Chico time!

This is not Rubin. I know it looks like him, but one thing you should always remember when dealing with Rubin is that Rubin is NOT A POODLE. That right there? Is a poodle. His name was Chico, and no,…

the-culprit

In the doghouse

Remember the shirt Terry got for completing his 10k run on the weekend? It was white. Pristine. It had the name of the race on the front of it, and, this being the first race of this type Terry had…

shopping-2

Friday Photo: In my natural habitat

Last week Terry and I went shopping, so for this week’s Friday Photo, here I am in my natural habitat: the mall. I’m wearing my new trench coat and ankle boots, which I bought in preparation for Autumn. And which…

Gym Etiquette, revisited

Riddle me this, readers: You’re at the gym. It’s empty, but for one solitary person – a clumsy redhead, say – who is wheezing away on the treadmill right next to the wall. This treadmill is one of about ten…

rubin-beanie

Hat Trick

Last week I was taking a look at the River Island website (for, er, research purposes, you understand), when this hat caught my eye: Remind you of anyone? I think Terry and I should get one each, and wear them…

At the pool*

Friday Photo: Wine Time!

So, I’ve noticed that no one actually comes here on a Friday, so I thought I’d revive the Friday Photo that I used to do did a couple of times way back in the day, so I don’t have to…

10k-running-time

The Day I (Almost) Died

Today I did my first ever 10km run. 10km! And OK, I did it on the treadmill rather than outside, and I didn’t exactly break the land speed record in the process, but I did manage to run for the…

rubin-sunbeam

Gratuitous Rubin: sunbeam

Rubin’s favourite sleeping spot: the little pool of sunlight that falls through the bathroom window and lands in the hallway: On Saturday morning, the bathroom door was closed, and – get this – he actually went and pushed it open…

rainy-tuesday

Wardrobe Remix

This was the view from the car on the way home from the gym this morning: And that was the view on Sunday, too. And Saturday. And Friday. There was a brief period of No Rain on Monday, but that…

running shoes, yesterday

Calamity Jane strikes again

It hasn’t been a good week for my clothes.  No, I haven’t lost any of them, but… First of all I managed to dye my running shoes grey. Yes, grey. They WERE a kind of beige colour, but all of…

Words I Have Started to Hate, Part 2

The coming winter has made me grumpy – grumpier than usual, I mean – and some words have started getting on my nerves again. And so it is that I present to you now, Part 2 of my occasional “Words…

Wake me up when September ends

Well, it’s September, then. That sucks. And I know: I know everyone who reads this will be all, “Yay! Winter! There will be long walks in the crisp Autumn leaves, while wearing long scarves and looking just like Ali McGraw…

aftermath

Crime Scene, Do Not Enter

Yesterday I was working away at my desk when I happened to look round to find that OMG, there had been a MURDUR!  </ Taggart> This photo doesn’t really do the scene justice, because there was stuffing EVERYWHERE. Whoever the…

All work, no play, rinse and repeat

Wow, see how easy it is to get out of the habit of blogging when there’s nothing at all happening? Lately life has entered one of those weird “frantically-busy-but-also-mind-numbingly-boring” phases. In fact, I don’t think I’ve left the house in…

christian-louboutin-studded

My dad will be so proud…*

A few weeks ago, I was talking to my dad, and my dad said something that really struck a chord with me. It was this: “Don’t hesitate to buy shoes,” said my dad. “Buy all of them. Especially those ones…

green-dress

The Green Dress Cometh

Well, the replacement green dress arrived on Saturday morning (I waited all morning for the mail, so obviously it arrived the very second I switched on the shower. I wish I’d thought to do that earlier…) and I can report…

Green Dress Update

Remember my beloved green dress? The one that was tragically and mysteriously LOST? Well, it’s still lost. Sorry, I just realised that the start of this post probably made you think I was about to tell you I found it…

cheeky-and-terry

The birds! The birds!

This week we’ve had a new visitor here in The Shrieking Shack (if you’ve ever had birds, you’ll know exactly why I call it that): everyone say hi to Cheeky! In this picture I am willing him NOT to poop…

I am not a shop, part 11,876

It’s started again: the whole “let’s pretend Amber is running a shop!” thing, I mean. I’ve had a good few weeks WITHOUT being constantly asked about my “stock” and where I ship to, but this morning I woke up to…

rubin-blog

Stuff. In the form of a list.

Because I am lazy: 1. I still haven’t found The Dress. This is much to the distress of Terry, because it seems that I just can’t stop talking about it. I mean, I thought I’d maybe be OVER IT by…

These things come in threes…

(Note: for those of you tuning in because you’re concerned about The Melting that was scheduled for today, I bring good news: yesterday my phone changed its mind and decided that rather than the “SUN MELTING, OMG!” it had predicted ,…