Gym Etiquette, revisited

Riddle me this, readers: You’re at the gym. It’s empty, but for one solitary person – a clumsy redhead, say – who is wheezing away on the treadmill right next to the wall. This treadmill is one of about ten…

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Hat Trick

Last week I was taking a look at the River Island website (for, er, research purposes, you understand), when this hat caught my eye: Remind you of anyone? I think Terry and I should get one each, and wear them…

At the pool*

Friday Photo: Wine Time!

So, I’ve noticed that no one actually comes here on a Friday, so I thought I’d revive the Friday Photo that I used to do did a couple of times way back in the day, so I don’t have to…

10k-running-time

The Day I (Almost) Died

Today I did my first ever 10km run. 10km! And OK, I did it on the treadmill rather than outside, and I didn’t exactly break the land speed record in the process, but I did manage to run for the…

rubin-sunbeam

Gratuitous Rubin: sunbeam

Rubin’s favourite sleeping spot: the little pool of sunlight that falls through the bathroom window and lands in the hallway: On Saturday morning, the bathroom door was closed, and – get this – he actually went and pushed it open…

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Wardrobe Remix

This was the view from the car on the way home from the gym this morning: And that was the view on Sunday, too. And Saturday. And Friday. There was a brief period of No Rain on Monday, but that…

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Calamity Jane strikes again

It hasn’t been a good week for my clothes.  No, I haven’t lost any of them, but… First of all I managed to dye my running shoes grey. Yes, grey. They WERE a kind of beige colour, but all of…

Words I Have Started to Hate, Part 2

The coming winter has made me grumpy – grumpier than usual, I mean – and some words have started getting on my nerves again. And so it is that I present to you now, Part 2 of my occasional “Words…

Wake me up when September ends

Well, it’s September, then. That sucks. And I know: I know everyone who reads this will be all, “Yay! Winter! There will be long walks in the crisp Autumn leaves, while wearing long scarves and looking just like Ali McGraw…

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Crime Scene, Do Not Enter

Yesterday I was working away at my desk when I happened to look round to find that OMG, there had been a MURDUR!  </ Taggart> This photo doesn’t really do the scene justice, because there was stuffing EVERYWHERE. Whoever the…

All work, no play, rinse and repeat

Wow, see how easy it is to get out of the habit of blogging when there’s nothing at all happening? Lately life has entered one of those weird “frantically-busy-but-also-mind-numbingly-boring” phases. In fact, I don’t think I’ve left the house in…

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My dad will be so proud…*

A few weeks ago, I was talking to my dad, and my dad said something that really struck a chord with me. It was this: “Don’t hesitate to buy shoes,” said my dad. “Buy all of them. Especially those ones…

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The Green Dress Cometh

Well, the replacement green dress arrived on Saturday morning (I waited all morning for the mail, so obviously it arrived the very second I switched on the shower. I wish I’d thought to do that earlier…) and I can report…

Green Dress Update

Remember my beloved green dress? The one that was tragically and mysteriously LOST? Well, it’s still lost. Sorry, I just realised that the start of this post probably made you think I was about to tell you I found it…

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The birds! The birds!

This week we’ve had a new visitor here in The Shrieking Shack (if you’ve ever had birds, you’ll know exactly why I call it that): everyone say hi to Cheeky! In this picture I am willing him NOT to poop…

I am not a shop, part 11,876

It’s started again: the whole “let’s pretend Amber is running a shop!” thing, I mean. I’ve had a good few weeks WITHOUT being constantly asked about my “stock” and where I ship to, but this morning I woke up to…

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Stuff. In the form of a list.

Because I am lazy: 1. I still haven’t found The Dress. This is much to the distress of Terry, because it seems that I just can’t stop talking about it. I mean, I thought I’d maybe be OVER IT by…

These things come in threes…

(Note: for those of you tuning in because you’re concerned about The Melting that was scheduled for today, I bring good news: yesterday my phone changed its mind and decided that rather than the “SUN MELTING, OMG!” it had predicted ,…

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And then the sun totally melted, The End.

Well, THAT was a whole lot of fun, wasn’t it? Look, though! We’re getting a sun obscured by a little bit of cloud tomorrow! Do you know, that’s the first time I have EVER seen that particular icon, and I’ve…

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Ol’ Scabby McScabberson

[Important Disclaimer: I wrote this post in a misguided attempt to be funny. Almost all of the posts I've ever written on this site are supposed to be entertaining. I don't actually care about the "scabby lips" comment, and I...

You have GOT to be kidding me…

I don’t know why this still has the power to surprise me, but so much for “summer”… p.s. That’s in celcius, by the way. 13c = about 55f. But it’s the rain that’s the real killer…

The Way We Roll

I still have the post-holiday blues. Especially now that it’s rained on St. Swithins Day, which means 40 days of rain for us! (Not that we’ll really notice the difference here in Scotland, obviously…) Anyway, here, have a video, courtesy…

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Gardening with Rubin

I hate gardening. And, yes, I know, I’ve already made my point about that, thanksverymuch, so don’t worry, this isn’t going to be YET ANOTHER POST about how much I hate and resent the fact that I work hard all…

Holiday Shorts: Now you know where I get it from

So, my dad goes into the Apple store. I’ve no idea why, because my parents now have a total of four computers and, well, there’s only two of them. But presumably my dad felt like playing with some different gadgets…

Holiday Shorts: Scotland? Where’s that?

Girl to me at the horse-riding-on-the-beach experience in Florida: So, where are you all from? Me: Scotland Her: Wow! How long of a drive is that?! I felt really bad having to explain that it’s actually on a whole other…

Nuthin’ mo’ betta

On the way back to the airport last week, we passed a restaurant that had the tag-line “Nuthin’ mo’ betta’.” No, seriously: it was written just like that. We didn’t stop there, unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) so I can’t confirm…

Homeward Bound

Well, we’re headed home tomorrow, assuming our plane doesn’t drop out of the sky – and recent events lead me to believe that this is a strong possibility – and I don’t think it would be possible for me to…

Horses, beaches and crustaceans

Yesterday we did something else I’ve wanted to do for years: went swimming on horseback, by which I mean the horses went swimming and we, er, sat on their backs. Or, in the case of Terry, the horse went swimming…

I don’t feel like blogging, blogging…

… because I’m just too busy relaxing and enjoying the sunshine. I am, however, still jumping: Just not as well as Terry is: (Taken in front of the Rock n Rollercoaster at Hollywood Studios). I still have another few days…

me-and-terry

Things I Bought: Christian Louboutin edition

So, Neiman Marcus had a sale on… Whoops. I also got a Sephora Loyalty Card. You’d think that would be absolutely useless to me given that I live in a country Sephora doesn’t ship to, but nope, I already qualified…

It’s good to be back…

This morning we got up early and watched the sun rise: Needless to say, I’m really, really happy to be back…

Packing a Suitcase: an excercise in procrastination

I think I may have managed to conquer the packing. It took most of the day, though, because according to my Twitter, I first started to “think about” packing my suitcase just before lunch yesterday. Here’s what I had by…

Twenty Kilos of Clothes

Twenty kilos. That’s my luggage allowance for my trip to Florida. Twenty. Kilos. And actually, that’s the UPGRADED luggage allowance: the airline only wanted to give us 15 kilos each (!), but my mum realised that would send me insane,…

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“HAHA, ginger baby!”

I fail at blogging yet again this week, folks, sorry: it’s the same old “Wah! Getting ready for my trip, wah, wondering how the hell I’ll get all that STUFF in my case, wah, workity-workity-work. Wah!” thing again, but I do…

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Things I Did While the Internet Was Down

1. Worked on my novel. Remember my novel? Huh. Me neither, apparently. Wordcount when I started working on my novel this week: 13,175 words Wordcount as of rightthisveryminute: 11,752. (Although some of those don’t actually count because they say things…

NO. INTERNET. (From Virgin Media. Again.)

I’ve had barely any internet access since Friday afternoon. I KNOW! How have I coped? Well, “badly” would probably be the most accurate answer to that. Especially given that, even as I write this, I know there’s a really good…

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Because I don’t only buy shoes…

…I got an iphone. Which means I can now blog from anywhere . I apologize in advance for all of the dog photos this will involve. And also the photos of me in my parents’ bathroom.

It had to happen sooner or later

You know when you’re out somewhere, and you suddenly decide you need to use the public toilet, so you do, and then on your way out you’re walking past a huge gang of teenagers when you suddenly become aware of…

If it wasn’t screwed on…

I think it would be fair to say that I’m not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer a lot of the time. In fact, sometimes I can be downright forgetful. Take last week, for instance. On Monday, Terry and…

sailor-dress

Aye, aye capt’n!

Because I am a selfish childfree person, I spent all my money* on a new dress and shoes. Yay! I also decided to give myself the day off on Monday, so everyone have a great holiday weekend (assuming you’re on…

“I get this crap a lot now”

Oh, GOD. Godgodgod. Remember that time I mis-typed my mum’s email address when I was adding it to my Outlook address book (because, hey, we ALL spell our mother’s name wrong sometimes, don’t we?), and, as a result, spent a…

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Ask Amber: tanned butts, jeans and more

Yes, folks, we’ve reached that time again when I have absolutely nothing to write about, and so I fall back on answering the questions people ask me through my keyword referrers – the terms people type into Google which somehow…

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Inside the mind of a dog

Sometimes I look at Rubin and I think, “GOD, what is that on his face? Has he been eating cat droppings again?”  “You know, I really wish I was him.” I mean, not in respect of the Eating of  Unmentionables,…

Random Act of Stupidity # 639

I leave the house to go to the supermarket. In one hand: my wallet, into which I have cunningly crammed my phone. In the other: a huge pile o’rubbish, destined for the bin that sits outside the door. What I…

At least I still have time for shopping

So, taking a holiday when you’re self-employed is pretty tricky. And by that I mean, “I think I understand now why I always get ill as soon as I land“. Not that taking a holiday is easy when you work…

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Paper Surprise

Remember my birthday surprises, and how you thought there was no way I could possibly still be talking about them in MAY, considering my birthday was in March? You were wrong. I still had one surprise left to redeem. That…

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A picture is worth a thousand blog posts

There hasn’t been much time for blogging this week. Well, there’s been time for BLOGGING, obviously, because, well, that’s pretty much all I’ve done. But I’ve done so much of it here, here and here that there just hasn’t been time…

More minor phone annoyances

Following on from my post about telephone etiquette, I thought of some more random things that annoy me about the way people use the phone. So here they are: 1. People who send text messages during gym classes, or answer…

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Telephone and email ettiquette, revisited

One morning last week, Terry and I returned home from the gym to discover the light on the answerphone flashing. Amongst the usual work-related messages that had been left (for Terry, obviously, not for me. Because I don’t actually “do”…

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A Tale of Two Shoes (in one week)

Sometime last year, I was obsessively perusing the Topshop website when I stumbled upon a pair of shoes known as ‘Sereno’. I loved them, but I knew they would never be mine because, meh, money. “Resist them, I will!” I…

Countryside Update: now with added injections!

So, when I wrote about my little misadventure in the countryside this weekend, I thought all the fun was over. But I was wrong. Not long after I published that post, I started getting comments/tweets from people suggesting that, hey,…

cigarette-butt-earings

The one where I win an award

Yes, it’s true, folks, I have won something! Well, OK, actually it’s my blog, The Fashion Police, which has won something, but seeing as I’ve never won anything else in my life before (Disclosure: I once won bacon and eggs…

Walking in the Countryside: ur doin it rong

On Sunday, we decided to take the dog for a walk around Linlithgow Loch. Terry has done this walk before: it’s short, and there’s a proper footpath, so I figured I’d be OK in these: You see the sticking plaster…

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New shoes cure the blues

Remember last month, when I left Shoewawa and promised to mark the occasion in the most appropriate way I could think of: by buying shoes? And then I didn’t mention that again, and you probably thought I’d forgotten all about…

The Second (Head) Coming

Remember my Second Head? The one that rears up periodically from my existing head, making me look like the results of some kind of genetic experiment gone badly, badly wrong? Yeah, it’s back. It arrived on Monday night. At first…

loch-long2

Easter Sunday: now with added ancestors!

A few weeks ago, I decided – pretty much on a whim – to start tracing my family tree. I think, like most people who do this, I was secretly hoping I’d find out I was directly descended from Cleopatra…

No one puts Rubinman in the corner!

A Guest Post from Rubin: WATERGATE

Yo, peeps, Rubinman in da house! Yes, it’s really ME, the R-Man! I’m here because, it’s like, I read Amber’s last entry? The one where she’s whining about me peein on that “radiator”? And it was as I thought. They…

My Life in a List

Absolutely nothing has happened here since The Great Wall of Clothing was removed from my hallway, so this is one of those completely pointless list posts, which I’m pretty sure no one will read anyway, because you’ll all be off…

Coathangers FTW!

I’ll Be Your Wall. (Of clothes)

I’ve been talking in my sleep again, folks. In the early hours of Monday morning, for instance, I apparently rolled over in bed and said to Terry, “Don’t worry: I’ll be your wall!” Which is nice. Well, I mean, everyone needs…

Engraving Surprise

After all of the complaining that went down in the comments section of my post about Terry’s results, I figured it was time to lighten the atmosphere a little with one of our regularly scheduled “surprise” posts. Sadly, there are…

The results are in…

… and Terry’s kidney is absolutely fine, nothing to see here, move along please and all that jazz. All of the blood results were in the “best they could possibly be” range, and now that’s been confirmed I can go…

terry's wedding shoes

Two years ago today…

…Terry and I got married: (Yes, that’s the same Forth Rail Bridge we visited this weekend. What can I say, clearly we have a thing about bridges…) As with my birthday, and other anniversaries, the evidence of the passing of…

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Three Go Down to the Sea

After my fun walk through Bandit Country, Terry and I decided it would be better if, for my next trick walk, we went somewhere far, far away from the Banditos. Or far enough away that I’d find it harder to…

Where we're livin'

The “Ginger” Strikes Back

I’ve mentioned here before that while the street Terry and I live in is as pleasant and suburban as it gets, some of the areas around us… aren’t. Well, they don’t call our part of town “Bandit Country” for nothing,…

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Crispy Surprise

As well as jelly sweets, one of my other favourite food groups is the Crispy Cake: you know, just like your mother used to make? And, lo! The Crispy Surprise turned out to be: Three crispy cakes, all covered in…

ducks

Wax Surprise

On Sunday night Terry offered to run me a bath. Well, of course I agreed, but little did I know that Terry was about to spring the WAX SURPRISE – duh duh DUH! Because I am stupid, it took me…

The Friday Five : Desert Island Items

I was going to call this one “Post That Isn’t About Surprises Surprise!” but I figured that may mislead people into thinking it’s going to be more interesting than it actually is, so I’m just going to be upfront and…

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Rubin’s Surprise

Well, would you look at that: looks like I DIDN’T find anything other than my birthday surprises to write about this week after all! Let’s just pretend I did, OK? I won’t tell if you don’t… Anyway, as I mentioned…

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H&M Surprise

One day soon, I will write a post here that ISN’T about the surprises Terry gave me for my birthday.  Maybe tomorrow, in fact. Or, you know, maybe not, because I’m actually quite enjoying writing posts that don’t require me…

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Gel Surprise

As many of you have long since realised, I am secretly only eight years old. So when I woke up on Saturday morning and found this sitting on my desk waiting for me, naturally I shrieked like a child: And…

Calcium Surprise

Calcium Suprise

So, the Calcium Surprise turned out to be, not a carton of milk, but grilled haloumi cheese, cut into hearts and served stacked up, with a handful of grapes: Best. Thing. Ever.

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Surprise Red

I hate Fridays. Hate them. I know all the cool kids hate Mondays, but I reserve my ire for Friday, which is The Day From Hell for me, because, for reasons too complicated and boring to go into here, that’s…

Sparkle Surprise

I called in the “Sparkle Surprise“… …. and discovered that Terry now has to be responsible for all house-cleaning duties (including ironing, yay!) for the next week.  So my house will… sparkle.  Do you see what he did there? Of…

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Surprise, surprise!

It was my birthday on Tuesday. I didn’t mention it at the time because, well, I hate birthdays.  And because I was sulking and feeling hard-done-by on account of the fact that, wah, I just got older! But it was my…

Things I Bought: February Edition

Terry has just reminded me that I haven’t yet provided my monthly breakdown of Things I Bought for February and so, because I know the world will surely end if I don’t list these items, here it is… February was…

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I Am Not a Shop. Seriously.

On Friday, a very disturbing email flooded in: —–Original Message—– From: Tights With Flip-Flops Woman  Sent: 27 February 2009 16:45 To: Amber, Finder of Everything Subject: tights for flip flops I have a friend who has “problem feet” and wonder if you…

Ask Amber: Fashion, redheads and peeing dogs

Well, folks, The Great Haircut Wars of ’09 have left me feeling wrung out, like a limp rag, and that’s before I’ve even been anywhere NEAR the hairdresser.  So, in a bid to post something that’s NOT directly related to…

haircuts-from-hell

I’m giving up blogging about my hair for Lent*

(*Note: ha, gotchya! Of course I’m not giving up blogging about my hair! Because what else would I blog about? No, seriously?) Well, The Internet has spoken on the important issue of What I Should Do With My Stupid Hair,…

Hair today, possibly gone tomorrow…

Say you’d had a really bad haircut. A haircut so bad, in fact, that even now, months later, you’re still growing it out, and while it may not look too bad to the naked eye, only you (and now the…

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Confessions of a Shopaholic

(Note: this entry has nothing at all to do with the movie of the same name. Sorry, Google searchers, nothing to see here…) I know it’s the shortest month of the year, but seriously, February, are you STILL here? Do…

The Nail Polish Remover’s Revenge

Remember the time I used nail polish remover as toner, in a random act of stupidity? Today,  the nail polish remover had its comeuppance, in a particularly neat reversal of fortune which saw me spend 15 frustrating minutes trying to…

Status Report

All work and no play have made Amber a dull, dull blogger this week, folks, but of course, you knew that. In lieu of an actual entry, then, here are some updates on those burning issues I know you’ve all…

Everybody Hurts. Especially in February.

OK, February, you win. It’s become clear to me now that absolutely EVERYTHING I try to do this month is doomed to epic failure, so I’m just going to go back to bed until March, OK? Actually, wait: make that…

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Meme: Show Us Your Blog Spot!

Fi, (Of “Shoegal” fame) tagged me in the “Show Us Your Blog Spot” meme that’s been doing the rounds this month, and because this meme carries the threat “If you are tagged and do not participate, you will become allergic…

Random Act of Stupidity # 539

The latest installment of The Cold That Won’t Die has left me feeling run-down and miserable, so instead of getting out and about, and clocking up new Random Acts of Stupidity to amaze you with, here’s one from last Saturday…

Two heads are not necessarily better than one

One morning, back when I was a teenager, I woke up with more than the usual amount of heads. There was my original head, of course – the one on my shoulders, that had been there when I went to…

25 Random Things About Me

I’ve been tagged multiple times now on the “25 Random Things About Me” meme that’s been doing the rounds on Facebook lately, and so far I haven’t actually done it because, well, “over-sharing” is my middle name, and seriously, what…

Car Wars III – Return of the Car

Does anyone else ever get that thing where you go somewhere in your car (the local mall, say) and when you come back a couple of hours later, it’s SO COLD both of the locks on your car doors have frozen solid? So…

Things I Bought: January edition

Although I didn’t mention it on this blog (because that would have made it REAL, and, well, I didn’t really want it to be), at the start of this year I realised I’d been just a little bit “spendy” lately,…

The One With the “Twang”

This week I’ve been going to the gym on a semi-regular basis. I’ve done Body Combat. I’ve done Body Pump. I’ve done Blast Abs. I would’ve done Body Attack, but …. well, we all know what happened when I tried…

Car Wars II – The Car Strikes Back

One of the biggest advantages of being self-employed and working from home is that I don’t really have to leave the house very often if I don’t want to. In the winter, I don’t normally want to, so while we…

Voices In My Head

Well, it’s finally happened: I’ve started hearing voices. Luckily for me (or perhaps not, actually),  Terry and Rubin have also been hearing the voices,  so it would appear that what we’re dealing with here isn’t so much A Descent into…

A Note to Charity Collectors

Dear Charity Collectors, I already give to charity every month. I give to charities I have chosen, and I do it by direct debit. As much as I’d love to give more money, to more charities, if I gave to…

Sleep Talk

Terry and I are both sleep talkers. As you can imagine, this has led to some fun times in our house of an evening, and it’s weird because we can go for months without saying a word, and then all…

Friday Five – Aromas

This is a kinda boring Friday Five, but hey, “boring” has never stopped me before, so without further ado: What are your favorite smells/scents? Cut grass. Petrol.  Sunscreen. Rubin’s head (when he’s not been rubbing it in Unmentionables, obviously). The…

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Words I Have Started to Hate

Lately I’ve started to notice that the Internet has ruined some words for me. These are perfectly good words (well, some of them are, anyway…); words I’ve even used myself, and probably still do from time to time. But their…

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Good Housekeeping. (Er, not so much…)

A few quick housekeeping notes, regarding The Blawg, The House and, well, ME, basically. 1. The Blawg: For a few days around Christmas/New Year/Whenever, WordPress decided that rather than just publish all of the lovely comments people leave here, it…

The Afterbath

Radiant Red

A few weeks ago, I started using a new hair conditioner. It’s called ‘Radiant Red’ and as the name suggests, it’s made especially for us redheads. (And very good it is too, by the way: you should totally buy it….

That Girl

So, I went to the gym. In fact, I went to a Boxercise class, and here’s the thing about that: if you ever catch me mentioning doing another one, I want you to do that “reaching through the screen and slapping…

Starting as I mean to go on

Oh, hai Monday! You know how I promised you (in my own fool head, natch) that I’d make the absolute most of you, getting up with the larks (when do the larks get up, anyway? Please say 10am.), heading to…

2009: now with added idiots

Just in case anyone out there was worried that 2009 might not contain quite as many idiots as 2008 did, I present the evidence to the contrary, courtesy of a comment someone  tried to post on the The Fashion Police yesterday:…