As I near the end of my pregnancy, I’ve had a few people ask me if I’m planning to become a “mummy blogger” once the baby is here.

And the answer? No, not really.

Or not on purpose, anyway.

The thing is, I’ve never really considered myself to be an ANYTHING kind of blogger. If asked, I tend to describe myself as a “fashion and lifestyle blogger”, but, well, that’s kind of a broad definition, isn’t it? It covers everything I want to write about, and that suits me fine, because I’ve absolutely no desire to “niche down” and just write about one subject all the time: I mean, been there, done that, totally didn’t work for me. I’ve learned the hard way that if I try to stick to a specific niche, then, no matter how interested I am in the subject to start with, I get bored quickly, and blogging starts to feel like a chore – and when that happens, it’s the beginning of the end for that particular blog, basically.

With that said, though, I can’t deny that this blog HAS been very pregnancy-centric over the last few months: and honestly, I’ve no desire to try to change that EITHER. My blog, after all, has always been a personal diary at heart – I’ve always written about whatever’s on my mind at the time, and I want to be able to continue to do that, without feeling like I should be apologising for the shift in subject matter, or like I’m putting off regular readers.

Sometimes, though, I feel exactly that: like, when I go onto Twitter, for instance, and almost immediately come across a bunch of sub-tweets from people complaining about how ANNOYING it is when certain unnamed bloggers get pregnant, and, all of a sudden, it’s all they want to talk about.

Now, it would be pretty egotistical of me to assume that ALL of those tweets are about ME, obviously (Although, I can’t be the only one who assumes that every passive-aggressive tweet she reads is totally about HER, can I? Er, CAN I?), and I should say here that no one has actually said this to my face – or screen, rather. At the same time, though, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t taken some of them to heart: especially the ones written by people who I know read my blog/follow me on Twitter.

On becoming a mummy blogger whether I want to or notI read those tweets, and even although I know it’s totally up to me to decide what I want to write about here, I can’t help but feel a little bit stung by them. I want to be able to write about this massive life change I’m going through, which is so totally all-consuming for me that it’s more or less ALL I can think about right now… but I obviously don’t want to annoy my readers, or alienate the ones who (perfectly reasonably) just aren’t interested. Logic dictates that if someone is no longer interested in my blog, they should just stop reading it (rather than posting scathing tweets they know I’m probably going to see), but, well, I am not logical, so when I read yet another comment about how TOTALLY ANNOYING it is that SO MANY BLOGGERS are pregnant right now (As if we all got together and decided to get pregnant on purpose, just to wind up Twitter), and how AWFUL it is when fashion/lifestyle bloggers become mummy bloggers, I think, “Yeah, I REALLY don’t want to be a mummy blogger.”

And I don’t.

BUT.

At the same time that I’m seeing all of these comments on Twitter and forums, when people comment to me directly (either on the internet, or in “real” life), I sometimes feel like they won’t let me talk about anything else.

I buy a new sofa, and people tell me it’ll be “handy for the baby!”

I post an outfit shot, and all anyone wants to talk about is the size of my belly – normally while referring to me as “mama”.

I post a non-outfit post, and I get requests for “bump shots”.

I say that I’m hungry and I’m immediately told that, “the baby must want a drink!”

A few weeks ago, I mentioned to someone that we really need to do some work on the garden.

“Oh, is that to make it better for the baby?” asked the person I was talking to.

“Well, no,” I said, slightly confused. “It’s because the garden is a hot mess, and we really need to tidy it up a bit.”

“Oh,” said my questioner, clearly equally confused. “But… it’ll be better for the baby, too, won’t it?”

“I guess so,” I conceded, “But it’ll be a while before the baby’s playing in the garden, so I really just want to get it tidied up a bit before winter.”

“Very wise,” was the response. “Because you won’t have time for gardening once the baby’s here!”

And, at that point, I got up, walked into the kitchen, and calmly stabbed myself in the eye with a fork.

OK, no I didn’t: I did, however, have to accept that this person was going to do their level best to make sure that any and all conversational topics led back to the baby – and that this is the way it’s going to be now for a lot of people. Honestly, I find it quite frustrating. It’s not that I’m not excited about the baby, or that I’m under-estimating what a huge part of our lives he’s going to be: it’s just that I find the insistence that every single thought that goes through my head – right down to things like hunger and thirst – be attributed to “the baby” a little bit … “de-humanising” is much too strong a word, obviously, but it does make me feel like I’m no longer viewed as a person in my own right, just some walking, talking, human incubator, who must only now be spoken to about babies. (Terry, meanwhile, will be going through just as big a life change as I will, but is still permitted to talk about other things, and, to date, not one single person has referred to him as, “daddy” – go figure.)

And then I go onto Twitter, and see a bunch of eye-rolling comments about those idiot fashion and lifestyle bloggers who just WON’T STOP talking about their stupid pregnancies/babies, like there’s nothing else happening in the world/their lives…  and I feel like I can’t really win here.

If I write about my pregnancy/the baby I’m going to be criticised for boring people rigid by totally changing the direction of my blog.

If I DON’T write about the pregnancy/baby, meanwhile, people are just going to comment and ask about it anyway, sometimes whilst totally ignoring whatever the topic of the post/photo was in the first place. (And, of course, the majority of the comments mentioned above have been “real life” ones, so it’s not like refusing to blog about the pregnancy would stop people grabbing my belly and asking me what my weight is, as happened earlier this week…)

I don’t want to become a mummy blogger – but I sometimes feel like I’m being pushed in that direction regardless, and that there’s really nothing I can do about it. For some people, my name is no longer “Amber” – it’s “mom”: and the fact that I didn’t actually give birth to any of those people makes that pretty damn odd, really.

Just to make matters worse, though, I have to concede here that I’m just as bad as anyone else for this: I mean, in this post alone, I’ve complained about people criticising bloggers for writing about their pregnancies AND about people who won’t let me talk about anything other than my pregnancy.

Confused? I am.

So, what’s a fashion/lifestyle blogger to do?

Honestly, I think I’m probably just going to continue doing what I’ve always done, which is to write about whatever’s on my mind at the time, and try to ignore the sub-tweets from people who seem to feel that I owe it to them to keep my blog exactly as it’s always been, and to never, ever change. Because the fact is  EVERYONE changes. If I’d kept my blog exactly the same as it was 11 years ago, when I first started it, I’d still be obsessing over my wedding, and you’d all probably have gone blind from squinting at the teeny-tiny images I used to think were perfectly acceptable blog fodder back then.

Everyone changes. Right now, I’m in a phase of my life where the pregnancy is basically dominating everything, and making it pretty hard for me to concentrate on anything else, really. I’d love to be able to write about other things – and I’m doing my best to continue to do that, when I can – but it’s not always easy: I can’t really do outfit posts right now, for instance, because I don’t have many outfits left that still fit me (And, to be perfectly honest, I feel too self-conscious to want to take photos of myself…). I’m too tired and uncomfortable to be able to get out much, or do anything interesting, and I also seem to have back-to-back medical appointments, plus a ton of house and work related stuff I need to deal with, none of which makes for scintillating blog content, does it?

So, right now, you can probably expect more pregnancy-related content – but it won’t be like this forever, obviously: I mean, I know it FEELS like I’ve been pregnant forever (People keep telling me that it’s “really flying by!” and I just fall about laughing, like HAHA, NOPE!). but it has to end SOME TIME, right? Let’s be honest, though: once the baby is here, it’s not like things are just going to instantly go back to normal, is it? Especially not the size of my thighs – which is why I’d imagine outfit posts will remain on hiatus for a while longer, pregnant or not.

I still don’t think I want to be a “mummy blogger” – or, at least, not in the sense of writing exclusively about parenting. The thing is, I’ve actually always been kind of fascinated by pregnancy: even when I had absolutely no intention of doing it myself, I still used to love reading other people’s pregnancy and birth stories, because it seemed like such an extreme thing to do that I couldn’t help but be interested in it. Child-rearing, on the other hand? Not so much. I’m not nearly as enthralled by stories about potty training and nap schedules and the like, but while I can’t currently imagine wanting to write about that kind of thing myself, I’m also not naive enough to think that they won’t suddenly BECOME interesting to me once that’s my life 24 hours a day.

I like to write about my life, is the bottom line – and I’ll continue to do that, through whatever twists and turns my life takes. So, for a while, you might well feel that I’ve gone full on “mummy blogger” – and you might totally hate that, for sure.

I ALSO, however, can’t imagine NOT still being interested in fashion, makeup, travel, blogging – all of the things I write about NOW, in other words. So, I’m going to continue writing about those things, too – it just might take me a few weeks to find my way back to them, at first. And, as always, if there’s something you’d particularly like me to write about, feel free to drop me a comment – I can’t promise I’ll get to it quickly, but I will do my best!

31 Comments
  1. I’m not a regular reader because fashion and makeup really isn’t my thing; but I love your writing style and so I mainly read for that reason. Pregnancy posts are also not my thing so I don’t read them either, but I still enjoy reading your other posts (for example this week’s post on your new Roomba was a great read!) Admittedly I hate Twitter and barely ever use it so I would never tweet about how annoying it is that so many bloggers are pregnant at the moment (though it is true that with both you and Alex of the-frugality being pregnant, I do feel like all the bloggers I like reading are pregnant… but that’s my problem isn’t it!) BUT I just don’t see why people can’t skip past the stuff that they don’t have any interest in. I wouldn’t expect someone to read my blog if they aren’t interested in London theatre…

    Anyway, sorry that was a ramble, but I just wanted to say that you absolutely shouldn’t apologise for writing about what YOU want to write about (not that you were, but…um… anyway. I should shut up now, shouldn’t I?!)

  2. You will wear many hats in your lifetime, and with grace and humor. I work in a school where this Garrison Keillor quote is on a wall in the hallway: Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.

    1. I love that comment! I also like hats – although I only seem to be able to get away with winter hats. Honestly I prefer blogs like this where it is more of a diary because it does seem a bit more authentic than some of the very heavily stylised ones in a particular niche. Also I kind of want a roomba now.

  3. I have always read your blog(s) because of your writing style, so I don’t really care if your content is going to be baby related or not, I will look forward to reading it just as much!

    1. Amen to that 🙂 I completely agree – I love your writing style and you as a personality (I know it may seem weird when I don´t know you personally! )

    2. This is pretty much what I was going to say as well! I also feel like this blog has always been about a myriad of things, never hyper-focused on any one thing, so even with the pregnancy right now, it doesn’t feel like a pregnancy blog to me.

  4. I’ve also never planned to have children of my own – but I love hearing other women’s tales! That could be because I grew up with several younger siblings, plus some of them have also started popping out babies themselves. I met my two new nephews last week and it hit me that they’re two real little people (okay, well I knew that anyway – it just seems strange that they’re two new people who’ve decided to move in with my family!). Babies and children are endlessly fascinating and you don’t have to have had one to like hearing about them.

  5. But… those tweets are all about ME! I’ve seen them, too (I accept they’re not about me – I’m not sufficiently well known – but they still sting). First time around, I felt self-conscious suddenly blogging about pregnancy and parenting because I know this stuff isn’t interesting for everyone who reads/used to read my blog – this time, tweets like those make me angry: “How DARE YOU try to make a woman feel bad for writing about a major life experience?! How DARE YOU think that her blog is only there to serve you with your narrow band of interests? What a selfish thing to write!” etc. It’s the same when people who constantly post running updates or cute animal memes or complaints about their job on Facebook complain about people sharing baby photos, as though they’re in any position to criticise boring status updates!

    I realise this doesn’t solve your dilemma. I’m just ranting.

    From the other side of the coin, there are blogs I stopped reading when the bloggers became pregnant because I wasn’t at that place in my life – I didn’t feel offended; I just wasn’t interested in babies – but, since becoming a parent, I’ve found my way back to them and love them once again.

    1. I’ve really had to restrain myself from saying some of those things! I totally understand that by writing about pregnancy I’m going to lose some followers who just aren’t interested, and that’s absolutely fine (like you say, I’ve unfollowed people myself when their blogs have changed direction in a way that no longer interests me), but it just seems so entitled to actively try and make the person feel bad, or like they OWE it to you to just stay the same forever!

  6. “so it’s not like refusing to blog about the pregnancy would stop people grabbing my belly and asking me what my weight is, as happened earlier this week…”

    WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT?! *insert Munch-urian scream* This is….. crazy, to put it mildly.

    As for your blog content, you’ll never be able to please everyone, and there will always be people who say rude/selfish/thoughtless things, whether online or offline.

    I don’t have much advice to give, but I can say that I started following your Shoeperwoman blog back in 2010 – it was the Shoe Challenge that attracted me to the blog, and your writing style that has kept me here. I’ve read every single blog post you’ve written, across Shoeperwoman, Doll Face, Fashion Police and Forever Amber, since I first came across Shoeperwoman. So, there will be those of us who don’t mind what you write about because we like that it’s a real-lifestyle blog 🙂

    1. I know I was so taken aback! Luckily I haven’t actually been weighing myself, so I was able to honestly answer, “I’ve no idea,” but I was really surprised to be asked that!

  7. I love your writing style, so most of the time it doesn’t really matter what you write about (I loved the Roomba review btw., now I want to have one too).

    Something baby related: Do you have a carrier or plan to buy one? Because with our babies (the first one now already 3 years old and the second almost 5 months and finally sleeping here beside me) it was a lifesaver. Our first son hated everything, except being carried around and the second one is also most happy in the carrier. It also good training 😉

    But I wish you a lot of luck that your son will be a very calm and relaxed baby. (And if not, they get older and it will get easier)

  8. Amber, as always you’ve totally hit the nail on the head with this post – everything you’ve said rings so true for me, i’ve found it impossible to find a middle ground between not allowing babies and family life to be ALL I talk about now, and also pleasing those who just want to know how I’m feeding, what Evie’s wearing and every damn detail of my life as a Mum.

    Like you I really enjoyed writing about my pregnancy, my diary posts were as much for me as anyone else and the update posts and bump pics were something I felt I’d enjoy looking back at in years to come. It was such a monumental occasion in our lives that it felt wrong not to document it and as my blog has also been a personal diary of sorts, it fitted alongside my other content.

    However my husband is a very private person and he felt (and feels) very strongly that he didn’t want our child to be brandished all over the internet and social media, which I agree to an extent and have to respect. We made the decision to try and protect her internet identity as much as possible while she is little but I must admit as someone who has always written about every aspect of my life on my blog, trying to purposely stay away from talking about this huge life event has been tough and I’ve struggled with how to approach it all. I’ve compromised (for now) with writing my thoughts on parenting. and discussing the trials and tribulations we’re facing, while also trying not to overshare images of E and keep the content and photography as good as I can so as hopefully it will be something she’d be happy with when she’s older.

    But the thing is, on the rare occasion that I do post an image of her online – it gets more likes than anything else I post and I’m inundated with messages like ‘more pics of E please!!!’ and then I think ‘is this what my readers want now’? only to then read something similar to what you described (eyerolling comments) from perhaps a younger, single, not interested in kids type of reader and I panic that I’m talking about motherhood too much and haven’t done any food/fashion/travel posts for ages!

    Currently I feel in a really confusing situation (like you describe) as if I’m honest, parenting is really ALL that’s going on for me right now and consumes my every waking moment so most of the posts that come easiest to me to write are centered around my parenting journey and E’s life. However I also recognise that that’s quite a niche subject and won’t interest everyone so I feel obliged to not post too many parenting posts in a row. While pregnant I always said that my content wouldn’t change too much and I still wanted to cover all the same subjects I always have, and perhaps in time I will again, but for now I have little time or need for dressing up in fashionable clothes, probably won’t be travelling in the same way for a long time and haven’t found the energy in a long time to create recipe posts.

    Anyway LONG comment to basically say that I think you’re absolutely right to be approaching this exactly as you’ve mentioned – to recognise that parenting may well become a part of the blog now and that you’ll continue to write about your life as you always have, but to give yourself the freedom to cover any subjects you wish. I think your blog especially is one which allows your readers to grow along with you, and it feels very natural for your personal posts to change in content as your life does.

    I wish I’d stressed less in the last 9 months about what I SHOULD and SHOULDN’T be posting, as as a result I feel my blog has become a little stale and writing on it isn’t interesting me nearly as much as it used to. Next year i really want to worry less about my niche/my content/my brand and just write about the things that I want to write about and hope to get that personal diary element back. Personally it’s that aspect I’ve always loved about your blog too so however much you choose to share, I’ll be happy to read.

    (sorry for the essay)
    Jac
    x

    1. Oh, don’t apologise – I LOVE the long comments! It’s such a hard one, isn’t it, especially when you get so much contradictory feedback from people! Like you, though, it would honestly feel really odd to me to not write about it – it’s just SO ask-consuming, and right now there really isn’t much else going on in my life, so if I were to try to ignore the pregnancy stuff, it would just be tumbleweeds, basically. But then, at the same time, it really bothers me when I write/ speak about something that has nothing to do with pregnancy/babies, and people insist on MAKING it about that anyway: so I guess I’m just as contradictory as anyone, really 😩

    2. Jackyn, unfortunately your husband is right to be concerned about putting info and images on your blog about your baby, especially as she gets older. Schools in U.K. are advising caution following safe guarding concerns and are talking to children and parents about internet concerns.

  9. I love whatever you write, love your sense of humour and how you always see the bright side of life (apart from the anxieties of which you write so clearly, eliciting empathy in your readers), so write what you like. I’m in.

    Just a not of caution to Jaclyn re posting images of your baby, especially as she gets older. Schools in U.K. are advising parents to avoid posting images of children as a consequence of safety concerns. Children, staff and parents are having safe guarding sessions in school re Internet.

  10. I love your mix of content, your taste is wildly different to mine, as to be expected regarding the age gap !!
    My 2 adult children are never going to produce any grandchildren for me, so I am really enjoying a take on present day
    reproduction !! Please carry on being YOU.

  11. Keep on writing about whatever goes through your mind. Some people could make the telephone directory entertaining, and you’re definitely one of them. And judging by the comments past and present, all your readers care about you anyway.

  12. I totally get you…I feel like the only thing people ever want to know is about the baby, if I go out then I’m not being “good to the baby”, if I don’t then I’m also wrong because I shouldn’t be sitting on my a** all day (guess why – it’s not good for the baby!). It’s like people forget we are our own people, with our own ideas and that having a baby won’t change that..

    xo, Rosie //Curvy Life stories

  13. Thank you for your words, and I mean that sincerely. Now I have never tweeted about bump posts and baby posts but I once did write a post about how much I dislike bump posts oops. I meant it sincerely but my intent was to hit the point that I missed peoples stories and pictures and style of blog that first drove me there. I accepted that most bloggers share their lifes and that also includes babies. My solution is I just don’t read the bump updates or the baby posts but I still check back to see what is happening. Thank you for reminding me that we all write to our life’s not everyone else’s. I am sure that some who read my blog for a recipe or an outfit also hate when I write about my cat. Sage advise , write what you feel

  14. Just be you, he is and will forever be a part of you. You wrote about all bits of your life so there will be some of him in there too. So you write about him some days and others not it’s all you and that’s what people sign up for…..period

  15. I read your blog because of the way you write. A huge part of your writing is the way you personalize it by writing about your life and experiences, and because of this – even if I do not have kids on my own – I will continue to read your blog. Heck, one of my favorite updates is your pregnancy diary entries, even as weird as that must sound. Haha. But they are so honest and real, and very pleasurable to read. 🙂 So don’t worry about becoming or not becoming a ‘mummy blogger’! Just write about your life in the manner you have always done, including stuff about the baby.

  16. I’ve had something similar happen to me- not as extreme since it didn’t involve a child though! I had a blog about my drawings for ages, and started writing about my sewing on a separate blog a few years ago. The sewing blog got quite a few followers, but after a while it seemed silly to me to keep two separate blogs (the drawing one hadn’t been updated for quite some time either) if both were about creative things. So I merged the two and wrote about all my creative things under my own name in once place. I had kind of expected it, but I lost quite a few followers after doing that. I’m not in a position where I make money from my blog so the amount of followers or readers I have really doesn’t matter, but it did sting a little at the time!

  17. Being an extremely pale person I found your blog while searching for a full coverage porcelain foundation. I fell in love with your writing style and look forward to every new post, no matter the topic. I’ve been struggling with anxiety and infertility and have been trying to get pregnant for years. Reading about what you’ve gone through and to now be in the home stretch has been so inspiring for me. I appreciate that you share whatever is happening, good or bad.

  18. Like you say – everyone changes! I used to write another blog, long long long time ago, while I was a student, and people used to enjoy reading my musings of studying, working, living in London and so on. And then I had a child, and I just wanted to write about parenting after a while, and decided to start a new blog. Some readers stayed, some readers left, but I also got new readers. I think in many cases your readers are quite similar to you, and are likely to go through similar life changes sooner or later, so if you want to write about your own life changes, it’s probably going to be interesting for more readers than what you’d think.

    At the end of the day, it is quite natural to want to write about those big things in your life. Do what you want and feels right!

  19. I have not bothered to comment for a long time but that says more about me than you. I’m still here, still reading, still loving every word. Write about whatever you want, I’ll read it. I don’t even wear makeup but I still read every make up tutorial or review you ever post.

    Also, I don’t particularly like children but I love reading about other people’s children, so bring it on!

  20. The thing I like most about your blog is the way you are able to make any topic interesting (I was way too excited when you finally got a shed) and I doubt that will change if there is a shift in your content.

  21. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to talk about the things which are interesting to you at that moment! You have a lovely writing style which grabs interest anyway.
    The best thing which I heard when pregnant was from a mum who said she was exactly the same after becoming a mother, just with a child to look after. I was so worried to hear everyone’s pronouncements that my personality would entirely change after giving birth. I am happy to say that I, too, am exactly the same person as I was before, just with a (mostly) lovely child to look after. That also goes for the negative aspects, I didn’t suddenly get a patience transplant – which would come in handy! It’s so annoying when people try to reduce you to only one role when you already fill many roles in life.
    You got this, you’re going to be great. X

    1. That’s really reassuring to know – all I seem to hear right now is how I’ll be this totally different person as soon as the baby is born, and it really freaks me out: good to know it’s not always the case!

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