Archive for the ‘Rubinman’ CategoryInside the mind of a dogMonday, May 18th, 2009Sometimes I look at Rubin and I think, “GOD, what is that on his face? Has he been eating cat droppings again?” “You know, I really wish I was him.” I mean, not in respect of the Eating of Unmentionables, obviously. And, all things considered, I’d probably prefer not to have to pee in the garden. (Which, funnily enough, isn’t Rubin’s preference either.) But every day in Rubin’s life is just a voyage of discovery. Everything Terry or I do is utterly, utterly fascinating to him. It’s just one new and thrilling thing after another – even when it’s just exactly the same as yesterday in every single respect. To illustrate this, here is a quick glimpse inside Rubin’s head, starting from the point where he wakes up in the morning:
AMBER & TERRY OMG! I totally haven’t seen them for SO! LONG! Excitingexcitingexciting! AMBER & TERRY WHO WOULDA THOUGHT IT?!!! WOW! Outside. Pee. Peepeeepee. Hee! Best. Day. Ever. OMG! Soooo much fun, peeing in the garden, I think I… OMG! POST WOMAN! POOOOOOSSSSTTTT WOOOOOOMMMMMAAAAANNNNN!!! Alert! Alert! Warning! OMFG! Attack! Attack! SO. HYSTERICAL. AAAAARGH! AAAARGH! AAARGH! Inside. Just can’t get over it. Can’t believe it happened. She was, like, in my driveway and everything. I will never forget it as long as I live. EVER. Maybe sleep now, though. Sleep. Awake! OMG Amber is sitting on the bed putting her makeup on!!! Aaaaargh! I want to sit on the bed too! Can I sit on the bed? Can I sit on the bed? Can I sit on the bed? Can I sit on the bed? Can I sit on the bed? Can I sit on the…. On bed. OMG! Best day ever. Best moment of life. WOWOWOW! Cannot belieeeve it! Amber putting makeup on. SO. INTERESTING. Cannot stop looking. Am not going to take my eyes off this. Stare. Starestarestare. STARE. Maybe sleep now. Sleep. AWAKE! OMG Terry is … he is GOING DOWNSTAIRS! Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? OMG!OMG! Downstairs. Terry opening fridge, aiiiieee! WOWWOWWOW. Best day of life! Give me something. Give me something. Give me something. Give me something. Give me something. HE GAVE ME SOMETHING OMG! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!! ! Back upstairs. Watching Terry intently. SO. INTERESTING. Will not take eyes off him. Stare. Starestarestare. OMG AMBER! Is going into bathroom! WOW. Am going to get in before her! Ruuuuuuuuunnnnn! Fail. Will never get over it. Outside bathroom door. Waiting. Will wait here for as long as necessary. Staring at Terry while waiting. Fascinated by him. Will watch him forever… OMG AMBER! IS BACK! WOWOWWOW! It’s been SO! LONG! Whee! Sleep now.” Rinse, repeat. And that was all before 10am. Wouldn’t it be great if we ALL got so much excitement out of the simple things in life? ![]() rubin A picture is worth a thousand blog postsWednesday, May 6th, 2009There hasn’t been much time for blogging this week. Well, there’s been time for BLOGGING, obviously, because, well, that’s pretty much all I’ve done. But I’ve done so much of it here, here and here that there just hasn’t been time to do any of it, er, here. Sorry. I’d say that all work and no play makes Amber a dull blogger but I guess you already knew that. So! Other than the almighty blogathon that has been my week so far, nothing has happened. I mean, AT ALL. I haven’t yet succumbed to swine flu, which has surprised me, really, because normally if there’s a flu going around, I will get it. Sometimes twice. I’m guessing Swine Flu is probably waiting until I go on holiday next month before it gets me, because, you know, no point in ruining an ordinary working week when you can ruin a much-anticipated holiday instead, is there? (Did I mention I’m going on holiday next month? I am going on holiday next month. Yes, I am going to Florida. I cannot. wait.) Anyway, where was I? I’m sure there was a point to this entry, but dammed if I know what it was. Look, here is a picture of my dog!
And we can only really guess at the ways in which this incident traumatised Ted, because here is what I found him wearing when I walked into the bedroom yesterday:
You see what I have to put up with? A Guest Post from Rubin: WATERGATEFriday, April 10th, 2009![]() I'm laughin at yoos! Yo, peeps, Rubinman in da house! Yes, it’s really ME, the R-Man! I’m here because, it’s like, I read Amber’s last entry? The one where she’s whining about me peein on that “radiator”? And it was as I thought. They see me peein’: they hatin’! So, like, here’s my side of the “story”. I think you’ll find it’s quite different from what Amber tries to to tell yoos. So, I have called this entry “Watergate”, and the reason I have done that is because it’s about me peeing in the house. Hee! Do you see what I did there? Do you? Do you? Anyway, yes, I have been peein’ in the house. Like, A LOT. I’ve not just been peeing ANYWHERE in the house, though: the Rubinman is more cunning than that. No, I’ve been peein on the radiator in the office, and I’ve been doin it every chance I get. Which, like I said, is A LOT. Before I go any further here, I just want to clear one thing up. Amber and Terry? Them? They’re all, “Wah, Rubinman! Peeing on the radiator is not big and is not clever! Wah!” But, as with so many things in life, They are WRONG about this. Wrong, wrong, WRONG. They are so wrong they could not BE more wrong. Because peeing on the radiator IS big. And it IS clever. And don’t let anyone ever tell yoos differently, kids, srsly. Here is how I do it, just in case yoos need any tips: I wait until They go to see “Gym” and THEN I do it. They go to see this “Gym” dude almost every day. WHO IS HE? Who is this mysterious “Gym” and why do they go to see him so much? (Also, I gotta say this, but they dress like a couple of asses when they go to see “Gym”. Sorry, but it’s true. Lycra pants, Amber? Really?) Anyways, I put up with this “Gym” crap for a while. And then one day I was just like, NO. ENOUGH. I’m not puttin up with this ONE SECOND more. Because I like it to be all about me all the time, you know? And when it’s all about “Gym”, it’s not all about me? So, like, this “Gym”, dude? He is takin the attention that is rightfully mine. Srsly, I am ALL about the attention, so I am totally goin to hunt down this “Gym” and I’m going to bite his bum. It’s, like, Gym? If you’re readin’ this? You better worry, dude, and I’m not even jokin. So, it’s like, that’s the story of WATERGATE. (God, I totally crack myself up sometimes, I really do.) I’m goin to keep doin it until they crack. I think that might have been today, actually, because when they came into the office and they saw the pee, their faces were all mad and they were, like, goin insane? Hee! And what’s funny about THAT is, they haven’t even found the pee I did ON MY OWN BED yet, either. LOL! Smell yas, RUBIN P.S. WRONG ![]() No one puts Rubinman in the corner! Three Go Down to the SeaMonday, March 30th, 2009After my fun walk through Bandit Country, Terry and I decided it would be better if, for my next trick walk, we went somewhere far, far away from the Banditos. Or far enough away that I’d find it harder to get into trouble, anyway. So we went to South Queensferry: ![]() Forth Rail Bridge Rubin was determined not to look at the camera here because he was too busy crying like a baby, so desperate was he to begin his walk. He was crying like a baby in this one, too:
That’s the Edinburgh skyline you can see in the background: the big hill is Arthur’s Seat, and you can see Edinburgh Castle to the right of it if you look closely enough. We didn’t, of course, because Rubin was too busy struggling to get out of my arms and down onto that beach. Once he did, though, he was totally in his element:
Well, sort of:
Incoming waves are scary, apparently… We walked for about two and a half hours altogether (and Rubin was still tugging at his leash by the end of it), ending up at Dalmeny House: ![]() Dalmeny House You can totally imagine arriving here in a horse-drawn carriage, in the 19th century, can’t you? You, a poor governess with nothing to your name but the clothes you stand up in, the house rising before you, home to the dashing Earl of Blahblahblah, and his mad wife, who is locked in the attic…. (It’s actually the home of the Earl of Rosebery, and I don’t think he keeps his wife in the attic, but you know what I mean…) Then we turned and came home, only it took us quite a long time because we’d walked so far. Still, it was worth it to be able to walk somewhere without being verbally abused for once, you know? And I think Spring may well be my favourite season now. If we lived somewhere else I’d have said it was summer, but the weather’s always so awful here in summer that it never fails to be a bone-crushing disappointment. You wait all year for it, only to realise that it’s going to be all rain, all the time, and actually, the weather was nicer in Spring. We DO sometimes get a sunny day or two in Spring, you see, and it’s that time of the year when the horrors of winter are over at last (oh please, oh please) but summer is yet to disappoint us, so the days stretch before you, all sunshiney and hopeful. Love it. So, a good day was had by all. And no one called me “ginger” even once – bonus!
Tags: beach, coast, scotland, Walks & Days Out
Posted in Entries With Photos, In My Life, Rubinman | 15 Comments » Rubin’s SurpriseThursday, March 19th, 2009Well, would you look at that: looks like I DIDN’T find anything other than my birthday surprises to write about this week after all! Let’s just pretend I did, OK? I won’t tell if you don’t… Anyway, as I mentioned last week, I was a little apprehensive about what “Rubin’s Surprise” was going to turn out to be because… well, he likes to pee recently. Mostly in places he shouldn’t, and by “places he shouldn’t” I mean “on the radiator in the office”. When I turned around from my busy, important work today, though, and saw this:
I relaxed a little. I mean, I don’t think even Rubin would gift-wrap pee, although you never really know with him. As you can see, though, he’d gone to a not inconsiderable amount of effort here:
So I decided to risk unwrapping it, and here’s what I found:
Aww, books about doggies! He must have had to save up his pocket money for ages to buy those! And now I need to go and finish my work so I can read them… Tags: birthday, rubin, surprises, Terry
Posted in Books, Movies & Music, In My Life, Rubinman | 12 Comments » It Could Be Worse. (And probably will be, knowing me…)Friday, February 13th, 2009I wrote a post earlier today, but I deleted it because, well, I suspect there’s probably only so much whining people can take from someone whose current main problems in life are the facts that: 1. It snowed a lot this week 2. She had the cold (AGAIN), and it made her feel, like, really tired and OMG, doesn’t that suck? 3. She still has Two Heads 4. And a really, red, flaky, nose 5. And eye bags. 6. And RED WEALS. Because OF COURSE the red weals would return, on a week when my hair looked like straw, my face looked like that of someone recently exhumed, and I had two heads. OF COURSE they would. 7. Her husband is currently talking like Jack Bauer and complaining about the presence of “daggers” in his throat. 8. Gah. Still. I wrote a big long whiny entry about all of that, and then I read it back and my abiding impression was that, yeah, it could be worse, couldn’t it? Boo hoo, I got a second head! So what, some people don’t even have ONE HEAD, how about that? Oh God, I’m talking to myself again, aren’t I? Anyway, my point still stands: it’s not been the best week I’ve ever had in my life, but hey, it could be a helluva lot worse so, you know, rather than do a whole lot of whining about it, here are some photos of my dog, instead. You are welcome.
OMG! Fierce! Scary! Run! Save yourselves if you can!
Could. Not. Be. More. Cute. (Note the back leg resting on the desk : he lay like that for ages…)
Umm. Yeah… A Christmas Message from
Saturday, December 27th, 2008 |
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