Rubin’s Blog

stupid-lettis

LETTUCE: A Photo Story by Rubin

LETTIS!!!!  OMGLETTIS!!!!!!!!!  BRING IT!!!!!! OK, then, DON’T bring it. I’ll just bring ME to IT instead. If the lettis won’t come to the Rubinman, why, the Rubinman must go to the lettis. LETTTIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I pray to the Mighty Lettis God….

rubinman1

A Clarification, by Rubinman

A guest post, by Rubinman…. OK. I wasn’t going to say anything, because I didn’t really think it was my bizniss, but here’s the thing: Amber tells lies. Yes, she does. I mean, she’s not actually some red haired “blogger”…

rubin

I gotta lotta bottle. And I eats them.

Rubin is a dog with a blog. This post was written by him… I had been stalking the water bottle for some time. Watching. Waiting. Every time she put it down, I’d be there. I learned its routines, studied its…

I Believe I Can Fly. Because I totally can.

(Rubin is the dog with the blog. This post was written by him.) Actually, let’s not be modest here, folks. I don’t just BELIEVE I can fly: I KNOW I can fly. Lookit: Just in case yoos are wonderin’, no…

A note from Amber…

So, this morning I came home from the gym and found that Rubin had been using my computer while I was gone.  Specifically, Photoshop: Rubin, if you’re reading this: that’s very sweet, but knock it off, OK? (Also: we’ve just…

Friday Film: Rubinman in ‘So Excited’

Rubin writes…. So, after last week’s video, some of yoos wrote to me to say yoos were all worried about me n’ my “loneliness”. Let me just say here and now, the Rubinman is NOT lonely. Not when he has…

rubin

BATHROOM

(Rubin is a dog with a blog. This post is by him.) It’s come to my attention that Amber and Terry seem to be expecting me to pee outside ALL THE TIME. I mean, not just the occasional alfresco pee,…

rubin

PAWS

(Rubin is a dog with a blog. This post was written by him.) Amber and Terry are MAD. They’re, like, totally obsessed with my PAWS. “Give me a paw,” they’ll say, a few times a day. I mean, why? What…

HAIRS

Rubin writes: One of those days when they stand you on a TABLE and CUT OFF YOUR HAIRS! I couldn’t believe it. Well, actually, I could. I mean, I should have seen it coming. There’s been a number of comments…

TED

Rubin writes: This is Ted. Now, I know what yoos are thinkin’. Yoos are all, “Great bear, Rubinman – orange is SO your colour!” The thing is, though, Ted is NOT a great bear. In fact, me and Ted, we…

Friday Film: “Attack of the Rubinman”

So, what a lot of yoos Rubin fans probably don’t know is that as well as hunting fat kids and postmen, and just generally bein’ a mad scary WOLF, the Rubinman is also a “moovy star” in his spare time….

rubin

CUSHIONS

(Rubin is a dog with a blog. This post was written by him.) I’m in disgrace. Again. No one’s talking to me. They’re still feeding me (feeding me DOGFOOD) and taking me walks and stuff, but there’s definitely an “atmosphere”….

SPIDER

(Rubin is a dog with a blog. This post was written by him.) I ate a SPIDER. It was in the kitchen, walking along the floor. I was like, “the floor belongs to ME, buddy”, but it ignored me so…

rubin

POSTMAN KILLER

Rubin writes… I killed the postman yesterday. Don’t listen to what Amber says: that postman? He dead. Seriously, dudes, he may not have died on the spot, but I could tell by the terrified look in his eyes that as…

rubin

Barking Mad

Rubin writes… Basically, I’ve been barking like a madman EVERY SINGLE morning. I start about half an hour before A&T normally get up, and I WILL NOT STOP until they haul ass out of bed and come and play with…

rubin

PESKY KIDS

Rubin writes…. Heh. Just when I thought it was safe to go back into the garden, he’s back – The Fat Kid From Next Door (TFKFND). And this time he has a Fat Friend… I couldn’t believe it. Hadn’t seen…

rubin

NEW BED

Rubin writes… So, by now Amber has probably been totally whinin’ it up over at her blawg, all, “OMG, Rubin totally vomited all over his bed and we had to buy him a new one, oh poor us, having to…

rubin

THE SIN BIN

Rubin writes… I don’t know, sometimes it’s like a dog can’t do nothin’ right, you know? It’s like: I pee on the washing machine, and that’s WRONG. So I pee against the side of the couch, and THAT’S wrong too….

rubin-and-pepe

Pepeman strikes again

Rubin writes… That stupid rubbish bird is back again. I mean, it’s like, what’s a wolf got to do to get some peace round here? Last time it came I totally scared it witless, of course, so this time what…

rubin

The one where I totally save Amber’s LIFE

Rubin writes… Yeah, so nothing much happening this week, saved Amber’s life on Sunday, but seriously, all in a day’s work for the Rubinman, so not even worth talkin’ about really… OK, I’ll talk about it, because actually, it might…

rubin

Viva Las Vegas!

Rubin writes… Now, I don’t want yoos all to get too jealous here, but it’s like, I think I might be goin’ to Las Vegas again. I’m not that bothered about it. I mean, I’ve been before, and let me…

P. Doggy

Rubin writes… Yo peeps, s’up? Rubinman in da house… So, at the weekend it was Amber’s “birthday”, but guess who got presents? YES, it was ME – the Rubinman got presents, and let me tell you, that’s exactly the way…

Dressed as Yoda, I Am…

I put a spell on yoos… Yeah, so this is NOT the Rubinman… I know y’all come here specifically to see the Rubinman, but, it’s like, he ain’t here. The Rubinman doesn’t dress up in stupid sissy Yoda clothes, no…

I Fought a Sock and The Sock Won

Rubin writes… Ha! I gotchya there, didn’t I? Yes, it’s true that I fought a sock today, sure, but if y’all ACTUALLY BELIEVED that the sock won, well, you don’t know the Rubinman very well, do yoos? Like a sock…

A Dog’s Life

Rubin writes… GOD. My life is SO hard right now, let me tell you. I’m like, stressed to the MAXX here, you know what I mean? Seriously, I’m “run ragged”. I’m, like, up at 7am every morning to get in…

rubin

BIG BED

Rubin writes… Oh man, wait till I tell you what I did last night! You will be, like, SO impressed! So, as y’all know, because they are as mad as fish, Amber and Terry like to confine me to Azkaban…

PINK BOWL!

Rubin writes… Oh man, lookit what I got, I gotta PINK BOWL! Now, I know what yoos all are thinkin’. Yoos are all, “OMG he gotta SISSY GIRL BOWL!” Well, shows what yoos know, eh? Yeah, OK, personally I would’ve…

Oops! I Did It Again!

Rubin writes… Yeah, so last night? After we’d got home from my Norma and John’s? I waited till A&T were asleep then I crapped all over my bed. Yes, AGAIN! That’s three beds I’ve ruined this week alone – three…

An Accused (Rubin)Man

Rubin writes… People, I stand before you, an accused man, accused of a crime I… well, OK, I DID commit, but seriously – I’m angry. And trust me, given the wolf blood that runs in my veins, you do NOT…

SIN BIN

Rubin writes… This update comes to you live from the “Sin-bin”, where I’ve been remanded in custody by Terry after a day of total and utter BADNESS. First there was the matter of Amber’s flowers. Well. Somehow during the night…

Dogs in Vans = Baaaad Boys

Rubin writes…. We have new people next door. There’s some guy who looks like Harry Potter, and there’s a fat kid who’s scared of me. Hee! I mean, I can’t blame him really – I can be quite terrifying until…

Fresh, minty, Rubiny goodness

Rubin writes… n my time, I’ve often been described as a “dirty dog”. Indeed, there are those who have described me as a “filthy dog”, and still others who have called me a “BAAAAD BOY”, or a “dirty wee b******d”….

The Sheet Incident

Rubin writes… I think if I were to name the worst thing I ever did it would havta be The Sheet Incident. Amber had washed a sheet. It was white and HUGE. She spent HOURS ironing it, and she was…

Red Coat

Rubin writes… She made me wear the red coat. I could not BELIEVE it. Every single winter this happens. Every single winter. (Note: one winter it didn’t happen but, it’s like, who’s counting? Answer: me.) I mean, how many wolves…

rubin

Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad WOLF?*

Rubin writes… Yo, Rubinman in da house. Here’s the thing, though: I’m totally NOT in the house. I haven’t been in the house for TWO WEEKS in fact, and quite frankly, I am NOT amused… Now, I’m not talkin about…

SHOOS

Rubin writes… Just to clarify here : I didn’t know they were Amber’s favourite shoes when I ate them. I didn’t! I thought the last pair I ate were her favourite shoes? Who has two favourite pairs of shoes (Answer:…

HORNS

Rubin writes… So, growed me a set o’ horns. Ya like? (note: there’s still only just one of me, I just gave ya two pictures, so there’s more of me to love) Now, I know what y’all are thinkin. You’re…

PONKY!

Rubin writes… I got a PINK DONKEY. A PONKY! Actually, I’m going to just come clean: I got TWO ponkies, and the reason I got two ponkies was that the first one… well, the first one was an IMPOSTOR Ponky….

FREE Rubin!*

Rubin writes… Dudes, Bob Dylan has wrote a song about me. This is my favourite bit: “Rubin could take a man out with just one punch But he never did like to talk about it all that much. It’s my…

Feet Wheels

Rubin writes… OK, so I hesitate to mention this, but somethin’s been buggin me. It’s Amber. It’s like, sure, she bugs me MOST of the time: take that as read. But lately…oh man… Lately every time we go out for…

Pepeman Go Home

Rubin writes… The Pepe bit Amber. I couldn’t BELIEVE it! “Pepe, man,” I said, “the first rule of fight club is you NEVER bite Amber, for hers is that hand that feeds you.” He was all, “hello, pretty boy!” so…

Rubin from the Block

Rubin writes… Sing it with me: Don’t be fooled by the toys that I got/ I’m still, I’m still Rubin from the block… Hell yeah I am. So, the other night I get back from visiting my Norma and John,…

I’ve Got Something You’ve Not Got

Rubin writes… I’ve got something you’ve not got! I got a PURPLE PUPPET! Man, I bet you’re all totally jealous. No wonder I look smug: (That thing right behind me, by the way? The CAGE? That’s what Amber and Terry…

rubin

Hole

Rubin writes…. So, dug me a hole the other day. It was a great hole, you should’ve seen it – I may be just a little dog, but I dig a mean hole, I really do. So there I am,…

rubin

Hairy Bone

Rubin writes… Ha! Didn’t think you’d see ME again, did you? Ha! Y’all thought the Rubinman was finished. That you’d never see his like again. Well, think again, people! The Rubinman is back, better than ever before, and he is…