Dear Charity Collectors,

I already give to charity every month. I give to charities I have chosen, and I do it by direct debit. As much as I’d love to give more money, to more charities, if I gave to everyone who came knocking on my door begging for money, I’d end up in need of charity myself, pretty damn soon. Also, I don’t keep money in the house anyway.

This is why I really dislike it when you come to my home to ask for money. It’s nothing personal, and I understand why you do it, but I don’t like people intruding into my time uninvited, no matter how good they feel their cause may be.  I will decide who I give my money to. I will decide when and how I give it, and I don’t really enjoy feeling like I have to justify myself to random strangers who come knocking on my door.

I don’t like it, but of course I put up with it, as long as the charity collectors in question aren’t pushy about it and  as long as they clear off when I ask them to.

When you do knock on my door, though, and I send you away empty handed (or when Terry does it, as the case may be), I expect you to STAY AWAY. I do not expect you to turn up again an hour later and repeat your request for money. And I certainly don’t expect you to say, “Oh, are you still watching TV?” when you’re told once again that your presence on the doorstep is not welcome.

Oh, and when the TV show I’m watching is something important, like, say, the inauguration of the new leader of the free world, I REALLY don’t appreciate your presence on my doorstep for the second time in one day.

This is why if you show up at my door one more time, I will be contacting the charity you represent and making a complaint.  And my dog will bite your bum. Just FYI.

Yours,

The Girl Who Will Never Give You Any Money Now